Alphabetically
Two Evil Eyes (1990)- What?!? Argento and Romero both direct a short based on a Poe story?!? What’s not to love?!? Right?!? Well, not quite. This is a pretty good flick, but not nearly as good as it would seem on paper. Tale 1 by Romero has a woman who married a rich old man bilking him for his money as he dies. She is in cahoots with the old man’s doctor who uses hypnosis to make the old man basically sign everything over to the lady, things go downhill when the old man dies before everything has been transferred, but the bigger issue is the old man was hypnotized when he died, leaving him in a nether world between living and dead. Not a bad concept over-all and it was executed fairly well, just too long, you could tell it was being stretched a tad too much, I’ll give it a B-. Tale 2 is Argento’s take on The Black Cat. A crime scene photographer, who happens to also be a published art photographer (?) living with a famous violinist, is loosing his mind from all the bizarre crime scene photos he has to take. He kills his girlfriend’s cat (while taking pictures of it for a book he then publishes almost instantaneously) , she wants to leave him ,he has a very bizarre dream, and things spiral out of control. This is really typical Argento, all style, but not much substance. I’ll give it a C+, I’d grade it higher but the dream sequence was ill-conceived. Tough to average a B- and C+ so I’ll say over-all it was a strong C+ effort.
Three Extremes (2004)- This is an Asian omnibus with three shorts, each one from a different director and country. Story one is ‘Dumplings’ from Hong Kong. It is the story of an aging actress who will do (or eat) anything to stay young. This one, although not overtly gory, is ‘covertly’ gory and will make you squirm with discomfort (exploitation like I guess). And the end, although a tad predictable, should really ‘put the hook in you’... sorry... I’ll give it a very strong A. Up next was ‘Cut’ from South Korea, a brutal story about a man who has gone totally insane and holds a director and his wife hostage because the director is rich and a good man, and if rich people can also be good, then what do the poor have left? Weird, dark, and brilliantly acted this is a must see for fans of movies like "Saw". I’ll give it an A+. Last was "Box" from Japan. I’m not sure what the Hell this was about. A couple of young sisters are in a small kabuki like ballet. One accidentally kills the other and has nightmares about the rest of her life, will those nightmares come true? I have no idea! This was just surreal, but I have to say, it worked for me. This definitely ain’t for everyone, but if you like ‘em artsy and weird then you’ll like this one. I am going to give it an A+ because it has stuck with me. So I’ll average this out to an A+.
Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971)- Argento, obviously influenced as always by Hitchcock, weaves a tale of mystery and murder. A musician feels he is being followed by someone, and when he confronts his stalker he accidentally kills him. Someone happens to photograph the killing but instead of turning him in, the photographer instead uses the incident to try and drive the musician crazy, as more people get involved, more people die until the big reveal at the end. Like Hitch, Argento throws in the element of humor amidst the mayhem and also surrounds the musician with some oddly colorful characters. This is a strong outing for Argento in my opinion. Great direction, camera use, color use, characters, the things folks like about Argento are here, but without the negatives he brings to his flicks at times (although the bit about photographing a dead person’s eye to see the last image they’ve seen seems pretty dumb and why didn’t they use that on the others who had been killed? But you can’t think too much about any Argento flick!) I’m giving this a strong A, if you like Italian Giallo this is almost a must see.
Five Dolls for an August Moon (1970)- Bava goes artsy mod on us and it fails. Sure the film for the most part ‘looks’ good, it is Bava after all, and some of the black humor works (the bodies dangling in the walk in freezer), but Bava seems to get lost in the look and forgets the story, and I won’t even get into the acid jazz Hammond B3 drenched soundtrack! Anyway, a rich guy has some friends over to his island and hopes he will be able to buy a formula from a visiting chemistry professor. The professor won’t budge with regard to selling and the visitors start dying off. Bava was often almost as good as Hitch but he just tried to be too ‘hip’ on this one. D.
13 Curses (2002)- A moody Spanish piece with a mistranslated title. It should have been 13 bells, or 13 chimes or something like that. Anyway, a young boy sees his mother kill his father at straight up midnight and the local cathedral's bell tolls 13 times instead of 12. He is then haunted by that memory. When he returns home he finds is mother suffering from schizophrenia and in a mental ward. He begins to show the same symptoms. Is his dad still haunting them both? Did his mother actually kill his father? Did the bell toll 13 times? This was a pretty good and fairly original movie. The twist at the end was a little bit of a let down but not enough to ruin it. Good acting and directing keep it afloat, although it was a little slow paced in parts. I don't know if there is an English version, I watched subtitles. B+.
13 Ghosts (1959)- This is a decent enough William Castle flick. A man on the brink of bankruptcy inherits his uncle’s old mansion, tax-free no less, and moves his family in. His uncle’s lawyer warns him that his uncle found a way to capture and keep ghosts and that the house currently has 12 ghosts and is looking for a 13th. Undeterred that family moves in and deals with the ghosts and the weird maid (played by the Wicked Witch of the West). It’s also entirely possible that there is a stash of cash in the house and someone is trying to drive the family out, is that someone of this world or of the next... or both? When played at the movies this flick required viewers to use glasses in order to see the ghosts (the characters on screen also have to wear goggles to see the ghosts), which amounted to another Castle gimmick. This is typical 50s Castle material, no body is trying too hard or taking the material too seriously but it works in a fun old school way. Remade in 2001. B.
13 Ghosts (2001)- An interesting approach to the ghost story. An eccentric rich guy captures spirits with the help of scientific gear and a guy with ESP. He stores the spirits in his all glass house's basement and can see them if he wears special glasses. So what does he have in plan for them? His nephew's family will find out the hard way I'm afraid. Yeah it's a little silly and although it never falls into camp or black comedy status, you know no one is taking this too seriously, which works in this case. The ghosts are interesting looking, albeit a little over the top at times and the acting and effects are good. This is a good flick for what it is, which is an over the top ghost story in the "House on Haunted Hill"/ "Ghost Busters" vein. B.
20 Million Miles to Earth (1957)- Classic Harryhausen effects fill out this flick about an egg brought back from Venus by tough guy know-it-all 1950s style macho astronauts. The egg hatches and earth’s atmosphere the lizard like creature grows big rapidly. Scientists try and save the creature but in the end it becomes too big and powerful and the military shows up. Yeah, this is typical 50s sci-fi fodder but it probably one of the better films because of Harryhausen’s creature. I dug this one quite a bit for what it is. B+
28 Days Later (2002)- Do gooders want to free some chimps that are being experimented on. Someone at the lab that catches them and warns them about a virus they carry. They ignore him and release the chimps. The chimps attack everyone. Now it's 28 day later and London has been evacuated. A bike delivery rider awakens from a coma and has no idea what's going on. We find out the virus Rage has run rampant across England, turning those infected into violent maniacs. An extremely effective turn in the zombie sub-genre (though they are technically not zombies), I think this is one of the best horror movies to come along in a long time. Great sets, great acting, and a look at the problems of food, water, power, and companionship that other zombie movies have swept under the rug. Very powerful stuff. A+.
28 Weeks Later (2007)- "28 Days Later" was a brutal film and a nice twist on the zombie/I Am Legend/Omega Man genre. "28 Weeks Later" is even more brutal and is one of the tensest films I’ve seen in quite a while. It picks up during the initial outbreak. Several people are holed up in a cottage in the country when the inevitable attack occurs. What follows is probably the 2nd most intense intro to a horror movie since the remake of "Dawn of the Dead". 28 weeks later and England is being repopulated, with great caution, and of course, too soon as scientists still know next to nothing about the Rage virus. As it turns out, some people can be carriers without showing symptoms. And of course, all Hell soon breaks loose. One doctor thinks she has someone genetically able to carry the virus without the symptoms, but will she live long enough to get them to safety? This movie is very violent, as should be expected, and it is well acted (for the most part) and well directed. There are a couple of weak spots and one or two "That wouldn’t happens" but suspend a little belief and this is a great horror ride. Not as good as the first but pretty close. A strong A.
30 Days of Night (2007)- I’ve been saying for a while someone needs to get back to the old school Nosferatu version of the vampire. Somewhere along the line, I guess because of Bela’s version of Dracula, the vampire become all about sex and erotica. I appreciate that version but I also like the true ‘horror’ version as well, and here we have one. A group of vampires attacks Barrow, Alaska, a town so far north that it stays dark for an entire month. We start slow, with a stranger in town, steeling cell phones, killing sled dogs, doing the dirty work before it gets dark. Suspense builds as the power goes out and the sheriff finds the man that runs the power plant decapitated. Then we go from suspense to all hell breaking loose as the vampires attack the town. A small group of townsfolk, including the sheriff and his estranged wife, elude the vampires, but can they make it for 30 days? Yeah, there are some plot holes and some things that won’t hold up under too much scrutiny but come on, it’s a vampire movie. I liked this one and felt like the vampires were very effective, the suspense was good, and the acting and plot worked. A-.
39 Steps, The (1935)- Twisty Hitch flick about a man in the wrong place at the wrong time, who can’t trust anyone, especially the cops! Yeah, this is Hitch’s most comfortable theme, and one of his earlier looks at the theme in the 1935 version of ’39 Steps’. Gunshots ring out at a nightclub and in the chaos outside a woman asks a man if she can come up to his apartment as she is scared. He says ‘yes’ and she tells him a story of spies, intrigue, and murder, which he doesn’t really believe, until she winds up with a knife in her back in his apartment, which he is promptly blamed for. He then must prove his innocence, but he isn’t sure who to trust, and might just make the wrong decision. His ability to escape bad situations is at times hilarious, but that was Hitch’s point, inept authorities were one of his favorite targets. A must see for Hitch fans as he develops what he would later explore more thoroughly in ‘Saboteur’ and ‘North by Northwest’. B+
6th Sense, The (1999)- This kid is WEIRD! What is his problem anyway? Luckily he has a brilliant award winning child psychologist in Bruce Willis looking out for him, who soon finds out the kid's problem is he sees "dead people". They give him clues about things they want alive people to know. Problem solved, or maybe it's just beginning for Bruce. This movie is very well acted by everyone involved, there is great suspense and some genuine scares. Watch it closely; it's an M. Night (Jenny's second favorite director behind Tim Burton) movie. Speaking of Jenny, we saw this movie the same day we saw "The Blair Witch Project" in a horror movie double feature weekend. That was a fun time for several reasons the least of which isn't the fact I give both movies an A+.
7th Victim, The (1943): Very interesting and very dark Val Lewton flick. A girl's sister disappears and is no longer paying her way at school, she decides to head to the big city to find her. She meets a load of strange characters that each probably represent something but I won't get into that. (Although it is interesting that Beaver's dad Ward Cleaver is in the film and his last name happens to be Ward in the film, OK, not that interesting but a nice trivia question.) Anyway, one thing leads to another and it turns out her sister ran with some... Well now, I really don't want to give too much away. Lewton flicks are deliberately paced, which is a good kind of slow if you like mystery and suspense and this one is no exception. Plus it has a pretty dark non-Hollywood ending. A+
4108 (2007)- Uh oh. Another movie based on a Stephen King story. In my opinion they haven’t had much luck with those lately. This one is about a writer... of course... who writes reviews of hotels, motels, bed and breakfasts, etc. that claim to be haunted. He basically writes tour guides to people who want to stay somewhere scary, even though he himself doesn’t buy any of it. You see his daughter recently died... of course... so he’s pretty bitter and has lost all faith. Then he gets a strange postcard... of course... warning him about room 4108 in the Dolphin Hotel. He goes, and despite the warnings, bribes, and pleadings of the hotel’s manager, he stays in room 4108, and yes, it is very haunted... of course. Despite the predictability of this it was a pretty effective movie. There are no "it was built on an Indian Burial Ground" nonsensical explanations as to why the room is bad, it is just an "evil room" and it plays on people’s biggest fears until they are forced to commit suicide. Interesting idea. And it also has a very nice twist ending that worked for me anyway. A-.
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)- The second in Herschel Gordon Lewis’ ‘Blood Trilogy’ ("Blood Feast" and "Color Me Red" being the other two), these films mark the spot where on screen gore began being part of the horror genre. This flick is about a town of 2000 people who are celebrating a centennial (they always seem a little hesitant to say exactly what it is the anniversary of). To celebrate they trick some "Yankees" into driving into town and then promise them a grand time, and instead torture and kill them in odd and brutal ways (and we find out it is the centennial of the Northern Army destroying the town in the Civil War). The film was way ahead of its time, predating similar flicks like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Last House on the Left" by 10 or so years, however, keep in mind that this is low budget drive in movie stuff. It is injected with a silly script, bad acting, and some terrible camera work. Still, it works really well on a lot of levels, a great story, and some great over the top characters (especially the mayor) and plenty of goofy black humor to go around. It is an important horror film and great for lovers of bloody cheese! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Abandoned, The (2006)- One of the "8 Films To Die For" Horror fest, this is a very well made movie with some good scares, great atmosphere, and effective acting. The story, while not terribly original, is done in a very original way. A woman inherits her mother’s property. Her mother was killed just after her birth and she knows nothing of her biological parents other than they lived in Russia. So she heads back to the Russian boonies to check out the property and confront her destiny, which was supposed to have been fulfilled 40 years before. Yes, this was a well made, originally presented movie, but when it was all said and done, I didn’t dig it all that much. It was just a little too ‘convoluted’. There were scenes, flashbacks, events, and sounds that just didn’t really fit and I started getting that feeling the director was just trying to prove how clever he was at the expense of the movie. The suspense and scares work, the art attack directing falls a little short. C-.
Aberration (1997)- A biologist is trying to figure out what's going on to the wildlife in a mountain area. A woman has moved into a cabin to spend the winter there, does she have something to hide? And just exactly what is going on out there in the mountains? Maybe some kind of mutant is eating everything. This movie wavers between trying to be scary and trying to be funny and fails at both. Bad acting and senseless events all lead nowhere. Fun to rip on though. F
Abominable Dr. Phibes, The (1971)- Price plays Dr. Phibes, a psychopath genius that is believed dead. He blames several doctors for his wife's death and sets out getting his revenge using the seven plagues of Egypt as inspiration. Man they would come up with a lot of interesting ways to kill people in these movies (and modern movies like "Se7en" and "Saw" would pick up on that). The movie has that odd 60s psychedelia going for it, which works sometimes and gets old sometimes. Price plays the part with strange restraint (his character can't talk) and the sets are equally strange. Somehow, between the weirdness it still all works. The camp relief of the bungling police is a nice touch too. The same theme would be developed further in "Theatre of Blood" and to some extent in "Madhouse". A-.
Acacia (2003)- Another slow paced Asian horror flick, this time from Korea. I’ll say up front, if you like these slower paced Asian psychological kind of thrillers you will probably like this one. It is very well done, the acting and cinematography are simply great, and the over-all ‘feel’ of the movie works on that slow burn horror level. If you don’t like this type of horror flick then you will really hate this one. I liked this one quite a bit. It is the story of a couple who can’t have a child of their own so they adopt. Needless to say the kid is a tad weird and is obsessed with trees (especially the acacia tree out back) and his new grandmother is a little mad that the couple adopted instead of continuing to try to have their own baby, so that creates tension as well. But as luck would have it, not long after they adopt the wife becomes pregnant and things don’t go so well afterwards, and, as often is the case in Asian horror, we are shown the dark side of family life, modern pressures that tear families apart, and the weight of guilt. I’ll give it a strong A-. I knock it a little as the end tended to drag some after I figured it out and the flashbacks became somewhat tedious.
Alien (1979)- This has been called a 'haunted house in space' movie and the tag line "In space no one can hear you scream" bares that out. A plot similar to Hammer's "Quartermass Xperiment" has aliens using humans as hosts for their young. The effects still hold up, as does Giger's Alien design (when I went back and looked up the year this was released I was actually surprised it came out in 1979, it holds up really well). A mining company's ship is rerouted after it receives an SOS signal, which in time turns out to actually be a warning. The ship's crew investigate and find a hive of alien eggs, eventually an alien hatches on board the ship, and what follows is sci-fi horror at its best. Many have said this movie took what was best about "Star Wars" and what was best about "Halloween" and put them together. That'd be more or less right. One of my favorites. A+.
Alien Resurrection (1997)- I saw this in the theatre when it first came out and I liked it quite a bit. When I recently caught it again on satellite I was less impressed. Ripley is cloned and brought back to life so the military scientists can get the alien queen inside her and begin breeding aliens for their own nefarious deeds. The military types are all over the top sadistic bad guys. Enter the unruly crew of a freighter, or are they pirates, either way they are a wild bunch who take no guff from anyone, and of course, they are the good guys, sort of, somehow. Anyway, the aliens are learning quickly and soon escape, wreak havoc, and breed a new odd hybrid alien. Action space adventure cliché ensues. Not terrible but it is a long fall from the original. C-.
Alien Vs. Predator (2004)- I like the Alien franchise and I liked the first Predator so I really wanted to see this one. This falls in the 'could've been good' file. Hollywood is stuck in the rut with these flicks and the action star wannabes in them. Let's see we've got the crazy adventurers who don't follow rules, we've got the sensitive scientist who's never wrong but is always ignored, we've got the guide who knows better (perfect love interest for the sensitive scientist), and tying them all together is the greedy capitalist. Apparently every several thousand years or so the Predators hatch Aliens in humans and then hunt them. Never mind the plot holes, the predictable nature of the movie covers those up. People die, Aliens die, Predators die, etcetc. The queen Alien was cool though. D.
Alligator People, The (1959)- A scientist figures out he can cure severely injured patients by giving them alligator DNA as some reptiles have regenerative abilities. The cure works great until patients begin showing signs of actually becoming alligators. The wrap around story is about a nurse who marries an Air Force officer who survived a horrific plane crash, how do you think he managed to survive? Pretty insane 50s stuff right here, but if you like the monster madness you’ll like this low budget (are there any other kind) entry. I’ll give it a B on the craptacular scale, or maybe even a B+ when factoring a drunken Lon Chaney Jr’s drunken part!
Altered (2007)- This movie starts out pretty relentlessly and manages to keep that pace more or less throughout. It starts with some good ol’ boys huntin’ in the woods, it’s quickly apparent they ain’t huntin’ for deer. They bag their prey and take it over to an acquaintance’s house that seems to know more about this particular prey than most others do. As we go along we are let in on the back story; this group of guys were abducted by aliens (what they have been hunting) and experimented on, one of their group was killed, three others released, and the last one, the one who they are taking this captured alien to, was held longer than the others, and then, when released, promptly said the others were lying about being abducted, making the disappearance of the one killed hard to explain! Did you get all that? It’s easier to follow than my wrap up I promise. Suffice it to say these guys have bit off more than they can chew and this alien isn’t going down easy. I was iffy going in and still unconvinced after the first 15 minutes or so, but I hung in there and ended up liking this one. It doesn’t have a whole lot to offer but it is a tense well acted little horror/sci-fi. A-.
American Psycho (2000)- A satiric look at consumerism and ‘one-up-manship’ through the eyes of an 80s Wall Street broker, which seems more relevant today than it did in 2000 when the movie was made, or in 1987 when the movie is set. Here was have Patrick Bateman, a very successful broker who has it all, great apartment, even though he knows people who have a better one, a great office, still not as good as some, great business cards, even though some people have better ones... and so on. No matter what material goods he gets, he still cannot be satisfied, so murder and eventually torture and cannibalism seem to be the only way he can feel anything. He is a serial killer in every aspect, from the sloppiness of covering up (they always ‘want’ to get caught right?), to conflicted reasoning for why he does what he does and the superficial guilt of knowing what he does is wrong, but not being remorseful of it, and of course the fact no one would believe he was really like that. This movie is a black comedy, a sad and satiric look at crassness, shallowness, and consumerism. This isn’t new territory (Romero has been down this road quite a few times, but none better than "Dawn of the Dead") but here we are literally and figuratively beaten over the head with it. From the business card rivalry to the need for a table in the best restaurants to over analysis of goofy pop music (treating it like some philosophically deep opera) we are reminded that much of our society suffers from any real depth or true feeling, but is instead a manufactured, perfected, and fake attempt at lending meaning to the meaningless, depth to the shallow, and truth to the false. A mere carbon copy of something already suffering from imperfection, and this movie, although admittedly over the top, succeeds wholesale in this. No, you never develop any real pathos for the characters so what happens to them doesn’t really matter; you will have little or no emotional investment... and isn’t that really the whole point? PLOT SPOILER! In the end we are left to believe that Patrick must not have killed anyone at all, and just fantasized it all (even though he has totally succumbed to the fantasy and has become completely paranoid), however, keep in mind that one of the recurring themes of the movie is that no one really knows who anyone is, so maybe the lawyer didn’t have dinner with Allan. If you don’t like movies that don’t resolve you won’t like this ending. I’d like to give this an A+ but I’m going to dock it a little for being a tad too over the top, thereby losing some of its impact and becoming more of a cartoon than it needed to be at times. So a strong A will suffice.
An American Haunting (2006): Like I said before, I dig a good old ghost story and this one comes close. It starts in the present day with a girl obviously scared and running from something. She wakes up from a nightmare and her mother finds an old letter she's been reading and decides to read it. It is from 1817 and is about a haunting that took place on the land. A man (Donald Southerland) is cursed by a lady and is found guilt of usury by the church. Right after things around the house begin to get strange. Ending with windows being broken, their daughter being pulled by her hair from room to room and slapped silly. Nightmares, soars, etc. become common in their house. The acting is good, the story is good, and the effects are good. But, you kind of get the feeling that the director was done making the movie and realized it was an hour long so he went back in and added more of the same. There were parts that just didn't seem to fit in and parts where I was thinking "Didn't that happen already?" So overall I'd have to say this one was fair to middlin'. C+.
American Zombie (2007)- A mockumentary chronicling the plight of zombies trying to eek out a 'living' in LA. Some lower functioning zombies are taken advantage of, some higher functioning ones are trying to help the others, or just survive being dead. The film comes off as a real documentary very well, the acting is actually brilliant as you would truly believe what the subjects are saying and how the filmmakers act throughout. There is some camp and comedy relief but it isn't over the top and done to the detriment of the movie. We start out feeling sorry for the zombies but things slowly start to crumble as the veil is lifted from their world. And that is where I think the movie stumbles a bit. It seems a little too slow to start, but a little too quick to end. I didn't hate the end, but by the same token, I just felt it seemed like they just ran out of ideas. Also, I read that this was a 'gorefest', it isn't at all. Still, over all, I liked the movie. It is flawed but it still worked for me. A-.
An American Werewolf in London (1981)- Another classic from my youth. American hitchhiking tourists have no respect for local custom or local's advice. One dies, one becomes a werewolf. The one that becomes a werewolf is visited by his dead friend and later by his victims, which makes for some great camp. Enter a nurse love interest and you've got a classic horror comedy. Great effects for the day and a great twist on an old tale. A+.
Angry Red Planet, The (1960)- Another example of "so bad it's good". I have no idea how I draw that line between bad=bad and bad=good and I'm sure most disagree with me but that's another essay. Here a rocket is sent to Mars to investigate but contact with it is lost shortly after it enters Martian orbit. Some time passes before they are able to make contact and bring it home via remote control, unsure if anyone has survived. The rocket lands and a survivor from the crew tells us what happened in flashback. Apparently Mars is covered in jungles and lakes and cities and they are all very very angry at us (yes, the lakes and jungles are angry too)! They are also all a strange tint of red. I mean everything is red. Light wavelengths must be seriously limited on Mars. The makers of this film used something I believe they called Cinemagic to create the (not) dazzling FX of The Red Planet, but they really did it so it would be harder to tell that the sets were all just paintings. Anyway, there are some GREAT 50s sci-fi moments and stereotypes along with crazy Martian Critters to enjoy. A must see for sci-fi B movie fans, everyone else stay away. I got to see it at the drive-in recently! Thanks Horseshoe Lake Drive-in! A for awful.
Antichrist, The (1974)- Yes this is a blatant rip off of "The Exorcist". Yes it is an over the top European spin on the subject of possession, and yes, it sucks. Rather than bother with any coherent plot or character development the movie just goes for the groin, literally. It’s all sex and vulgarity. Now I’m not one to put that down, but in this case, we end up with crap. The plot. A young girl is paralyzed after a car accident that also kills her mother, but it turns out her paralyses is purely mental, there is nothing physically wrong with her, even though in a flash back of the accident she is crying and screaming that she can’t feel her legs, and all this somehow triggers memories that she has of an ancestor who apparently was a member of a satanic cult that had big orgies in the woods and licked goat assholes. Years later she has lost faith in God, wants to have sex with her dad... I guess... I’m not sure what the Hell it all meant but it did seem that that gal was old enough to stop being such a whiney little bitch. Aside from a creepy and atmospheric intro this possession flick shows why possession flicks so rarely work, they wind up being funny rather than scary. Maybe I should rate this one on the craptacular scale but I was just too disappointed after thinking it would be pretty good. F.
Apartment 1303 (2007)- There’s a curse on apartment 1303 that makes young Japanese girls commit suicide. The curse has them seeing a scary looking pale Japanese girl with long black hair, making very disturbing noises. Sound familiar? Not too original and the effects are pretty bad to boot so even when you have a chance at weirdness it falls a little flat. Really bad sound effects (the voice of the ghost is real bad and reminds me of the demon in ‘Evil Dead’), terrible camera work, especially on the suicide scenes (which involve the girls jumping from the 13th floor of the apartment building), and predictable ending all roll up into nothing special. I won’t flunk it as there were a couple suspenseful moments but they were few are far between. D.
Ape Man, The (1943)- No budget flick about a doctor who has been experimenting with apes and combining human and ape ‘spinal fluid’. I’m not sure what the up side would be but the down side is the scientist is turning into an ape. Lugosi is great in the role of the ape doctor and actually the makeup is impressive for such a low budget piece (in as much as there is makeup, more of a hairpiece and muttonchops), and there were enough bizarre sequences, like Lugosi getting out of the ape’s cage, to make this interesting. This is everything you’d expect from movies like this, smart-assed reporters, careless doctors, stupid ‘comedy’ relief, still, I liked this one but I only recommend for lovers of silly 40s sci-fi or Lugosi completists. C+
Arrival, The (1996)- Plot? Aliens are terraforming the earth in order to move here (global warming?). Charlie Sheen, an astronomer, figures out what is going on. Folks think he’s crazy as ‘they’ hunt him down. Seems like a good enough plot and it’s obvious no one here is taking anything too seriously, especially Sheen who goes through the film with about the same look as the foreman from the medical supply company in "Return of the Living Dead", very over-the-top intense. It works in "Return..." but here, not so much. It is fast paced enough with a few twists and turns that kept me interested but at the end of the day it fell flat because it seemed to me it couldn’t decide if it was camp or serious so it became neither. D-
Astro-Zombies, The (1969)- Oh my! An absolute must see for fans of the craptacular! Here we have dancing go-go girls, bubbling chemicals, save the day G-Men, scientists and their hotty assistants, mad scientist and his hunch-back assistant, solar powered remote controlled zombies (you read that right!), spies from ‘The East’, day for night shots, stock footage, etc. YES! A scientist figures out a way to control people with brain waves, the government thinks it would be a good idea to use for the space program, the scientist however experiments on military men and is fired, so he opens up his own lab where he gives long winded explanations as to exactly what he is doing to his hunchback assistant (thereby clueing us in on the plot, or what there is of one). Spies, intrigue, and painted dancing girls ensue! Toss in lots of stock footage of cops parking cars and you have suspense! Well not really but if you like ‘em bad you have GOT to catch this one. A+ on the craptacular scale, just for the rock’em, sock’em like robot intro!
Atom Age Vampire (1960)- Another film about a guy killing girls to make another girl pretty. An oft repeated theme of this era in Europe ("Eyes Without a Face", "... Dr. Orloff" etc, all of which hearken back to the Lugosi vehicle "Murders in the Rue Morgue"). Anyway, a woman is disfigured in a car wreck and in the incredibly shallow world in which she lives decides to kill herself, just then she is visited by a woman who says she knows a doctor who can help. She takes the gal up on the offer, is cured, sort of, and the doctor falls in what I call "cinema insta-love" with her. When her disfigurement comes back he has no choice but to kill young woman to make more serum. Not sure why he didn’t have to kill women to make the fist batch, that is never explained. He doesn’t have the stomach for murder though so instead he injects himself with an older serum he made that turned people into monsters instead of curing them, yeah, it was an unfortunate side effect, but, like Viagra, he found a good use for it. This would be more aptly titled "Atom Age Dr. Jekyll and My Hyde" but that doesn’t sound as cool. This is typical early Euro-trash complete with hilariously bad dubbing, way over the top acting, and terrible dialogue. There are a couple of inspired moments with some interesting and atmospheric camera work and the monster sequences might have worked if they wouldn’t have felt so 1932 Dracula. This is a tough one to grade, there were some great craptacular moments and dialogue, but it was a little too slow moving to really be too much fun in that regard. I guess maybe I’ll give it a D+, weird, it seems too good for that grade but not good enough for a C-!
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)- There is little question of what you are getting with this masterpiece. Odd reports of ‘satellites’ are popping up across the globe (satellites? Really?) and sure enough a woman witnesses one up close and personal. Since she is a raving drunk with a past history of mental breakdowns no one believes her so she sets out to prove she’s not crazy this time. Her husband has been looking for an excuse to leave her, but she’s loaded (with money in this case) so maybe this is his way out, or maybe she’ll make him pay. Insane effects, terrible dialogue, and the weirdest news reporter ever tie it all together. A MUST see for the lovers of the craptacular! A+ on that scale.
Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)- Another early Roger Corman masterpiece. Well, maybe not a masterpiece but it’s better than the title would imply. The acting, directing, and sets for the most part work pretty well for a zero budget 50s monster movie. In the swamps of Florida a poacher disappears after having told some friends that he thought he saw some sort of monster in the swamp. Meanwhile a fat sweaty guy tries to show his eye candy wife that he loves her, but he finds her with another man and chases them out into the swamp with a shotgun, they are taken away by two monsters, right in front of his eyes. The local game warden, eye candy for the ladies, along with the local law enforcement, pretty much get everything wrong and make wrong decision after wrong decision. More folks disappear before everyone realizes that atomic waste, just enough to make leeches huge, is coming down from Cape Canaveral (?!?) The sequences in the leeches' cave are actually fairly effective (not counting the leech suits) for the time. Terrible monster suits, goofy diving sequences (are swamps really that clear), silly dialogue, and stiff as board acting by our hero only make this one more fun. B+ on the craptacular scale.
Audrey Rose (1977)- Want emotions? This flick has them. We start off with idyllic love and near perfection (represented by the family’s wonderful excursions around New York). Slide into parents’ slight fear and paranoia (somebody’s following them around), next we go to a father’s simmering rage (gritting teeth, angry eyebrows), a lawyer’s concern (we’ll catch this lunatic bastard), then a daughter’s fear (lots of screaming, running around, pounding on windows), then a mother’s extreme terror (uncontrollable sobbing and praying), and Anthony Hopkins’ understated paternal instinct (and yelling the name ‘AUDREY ROSE’). Hopkins tries his damnedest to convince the parents of an 11 year old girl that her soul is in fact the soul of his daughter, who died minutes before their daughter was born, and since the daughter has nightmares around the time of her birthday each year then he must be right. Hopkins is afraid his daughter’s soul went into the girl’s body too soon after it was released from his daughter or something or other, we end up with Hopkins charged with kidnapping and a trial where his defense includes the reincarnation story. In the end a psychiatrist is brought in to hypnotize Ivy and see if she is in fact Audrey as well and things go from bad to worse. This follows the successful ‘exorcist’ formula very closely, which makes sense since that flick made the impossible seem possible, here? Not so much. It just seemed too over-the-top emotional, not bad acting necessarily, just too much decent enough acting if that makes sense, and the plot just spirals out of control by the time we get to court. I think had they approached it more like Hopkins was insane and dangerous it might have worked, instead he comes off as probably being right all along. I remember seeing this flick when I was really young and it freaked me out pretty good, but after recently re-watching it doesn’t seem to hold up all that well, not bad, but not too good either. I’ll give it a C-.
Baby’s Room, The (2006)- Short Spanish horror about a young family who, after putting a monitor in their baby’s room, begin to hear, and see someone in the house. Is the house just reliving its dark past? Can it be stopped? Or is the husband just going crazy? This is a well done tense flick with a Twilight Zone ending. I thought the acting and story were really well done. A
Bad Seed, The (1956)- Strangely over-the-top flick about the perfect little blond mommy’s girl who also happens to be a cold blooded killer. If she doesn’t get what she wants, well, she has her ways, and she knows no one would suspect her, and if they did she can charm her way out of trouble at the drop of a hat. Drawn out hyper-emotional performances and an odd nurture vs. nature debate frame the whole flick, but if you can take the over-emoting stage performing this is a pretty good one. Kind of ‘Leave it to Beaver from Hell’. Maybe a little ahead of its time in content, but not in acting style, the ‘shocking’ ending comes in two parts, part one is pretty expected, part two, not so much! I’ll give this a strong A, I really liked the pseudo-innocence being played up, and get passed the over-acting and it works pretty well.
Bad Taste (1987)- This is a classic horror comedy in the vein of "Evil Dead". Over the top gore comedy rivaling that of Wile E. Coyote and the roadrunner. Yeah it's ultra low budget but still, there is a quality of film making and editing that lift it above the usual low-end fluff. It's pretty obvious that even with little to work with Peter Jackson knew how to make a movie and yes, this was his first made with friends and family on weekends. The plot? Aliens have discovered earth is covered with billions of delicious animals, humans that is and they fit nicely into shipping boxes. The aliens are half moronic zombies that seem to fall apart pretty easily into gooey messes of brains and bodily fluids. The over the top effects work really well in this one too, I was pretty impressed with some of the scenes (considering the budget) especially the fight on the side of the cliff between the geek and the alien. Perfectly filmed and paced and a classic ending! This definitely isn't for everyone but if you like low budget silly gore fest comedies then I think you'll dig this one. A.
Baron Blood (1972)- A great atmospheric piece by Bava about a man who returns to his roots by trying to find some of his heritage in his family’s Austrian castle. He jokingly reads an incantation ends up working and resurrects a brutal ancestor. This directing and suspense work really well (as should be expected) and this film works really well being what it should be, horror suspense. It is a great Euro-Horror and my only complaint would be a let down of an ending, pretty anti-climactic. B
Basket Case (1982)- What do you get when you combine the story of a pair of Siamese twins, one normal, one a hideous beast stuck to the side of the other's head, with a low budget and stop-motion -animation? You get insanity. Belial, the ugly twin, is removed and left for dead, but the normal twin can't leave his brother, especially since they're connected via ESP so naturally he totes him around New York in a basket (hence the name). Belial does some nasty things to the doctors who removed him, one of whom is a vet. He looks pretty cool too... Until he moves and you can tell this ain't no Harryhusen production. If you like your horror crazy, cheap, and bizarre then this is for you. I did like it because it was pretty unique, and pretty damned nasty! B-.
Bat, The (1959)- There's a serial killer on the loose, one the cops had thought was gone. What's he after, hidden money? Inheritance? Or just killing people for no reason? Is Vincent Price in fact "The Bat" or just another red herring? You'll have to watch this goofy murder mystery to get the answers; even after watching it you may not have the answers! Not a particularly good movie but not terrible. Price is good in this early vehicle, before he had really developed his horror persona he'd make famous with Roger Corman. Good enough acting and OK directing but the plot and writing leave something to be desired. C-.
Bay of Blood (1971)- After Bava tried to be hip with "Five Dolls..." he came back with this hugely influential flick about folks trying, and dying to get their hands on the real estate around a bay. Lucrative land which could easily be turned into a resort, but who really should inherit it, and do they all want to see it turned into a crass commercial tourist trap? Lots of bodies pile up and no one is really innocent in this true originator of the ‘body count slasher’ sub-genre (even I usually give credit to Clark’s "Black Christmas" for starting the trend but Bava beat Clark by 3 years!) You see Bava’s Hitchcock inspiration, and you also see where "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" et al got their inspiration as well. A must see for any fan of the slasher flicks. A+
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)- What the... It’s like 20 years after the ape revolution and all of a sudden the apes can talk, and are in school learning to read and write. The apes and humans are trying to live together but those gorillas just hate humans too much. Apes are so peaceful though, or are they? Caesar goes back into the city, which was destroyed by a nuclear bomb, to learn the truth about how apes destroy the world, leading to his parents escaping and traveling back in time and leading to more sequels. Once the mutants still living in the city realize apes have their own future primitive city, revenge is plotted. I think over all this is a better film than "Conquest..." It’s still cheap but good and evil aren’t so easily differentiated and the conflicts seem more real. Yeah, the time sequence doesn’t add up so don’t ask too many questions but it is a nice ending to the franchise, which ties a lot of things together and leaves you wondering if Caesar was able to change the future. B
Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953)- Classic tale of a giant lizard awakened by nuclear tests. Disbelief leads to fear and military action as ships are sunk and cities are endangered. Sound familiar? After raking in the jack in Japan, Toho would make Godzilla, which was damn near a remake of this Ray Bradbury story based flick. This has it all the sci-fi 50s lovers crave (monster-movie-wise, no aliens though) so if you fall in that mold and haven’t seen this check it out, otherwise it is worth a view if only as an influential curiosity. A+
Beast From Haunted Cave (1959)- Super cheap entry into the gangster-horror-monster-movie sub genre(?). This one is too long at a little over an hour! Still, it has a certain charm to it in that silly innocent 50s way. Some gangsters heist some gold from a small town bank in the Dakotas and hide out in a ski instructor's cabin in the boonies. It turns out the explosion they set as a diversion pissed off a giant spider like creature, which somehow hunts the group down, and they are stuck at the cabin as a blizzard approaches. Though it’s a little stiff, most of the acting is actually pretty good and the directing works. The effects are terrible even for the time but the monster isn’t in it much anyway. The end rolls up and you pretty much think "yeah, that’s what I thought would happen." Not bad enough for the craptacular scale. C-.
Beast Must Die, the (1974)- Wow, this movie is a child of the 70s in every way imaginable. The clothes, the cars, the music, even the dialogue feels 70s (with great Shakespearean delivered lines like "You... make... me... ssssiiiiick..."). Remember boys and girls, when you try to be hip all you are probably really doing is dating yourself! A super rich guy who likes going on safaris decides to hunt the ultimate prey. Man? Close. Werewolf. He outfits his huge mansion and surrounding land with cameras, microphones, and sensors and then invites several people over who may or may not be serial killers and cannibals. He knows at least one of them is a werewolf too. I have no idea quite how he knows but Peter Cushing is along for the ride as the Van Helsing of werewolves. Red herrings flop all around as the director must have realized he had no where near enough material to make a full movie so he just extended it with tedious explanations and strange chase scenes (I guess the guy has basically kidnapped these people). Anyway, the decidedly unfair hunt is on but the werewolf makes a go of it and winds up with the advantage somehow. This is fun 70s craptacular stuff, a must see for those that love the Velveeta Cheese filled classics (where can I get the soundtrack?) I’ll give it a B on the craptacular scale, it’s actually well done, just pretty goofy.
Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)- Holy...! This flick is a masterpiece of the craptacular. It would be a toss up between which is truly the worst, this or Wood’s "Plan 9...". This thing is a mind boggling must see for lovers of grade Z flicks. Tor Johnson, in his final roll, plays a Russian scientist who is defecting to the US. KGB agents chase him into the desert Southwest where he is accidentally subjected to radiation from a nuclear test. "Progress", the narrator tells us. Tor is transformed into a mindless killing machine... sort of. Or at least a big slow moving guy waving a stick. He offs a couple of people then pursues some kids who got lost in the desert. Meanwhile he’s chased by "shoot first ask questions later" (literally) cops, who shoot the lost kids dad while flying over in an airplane!?! This movie was shot without sound, unsure if that was for budget reasons or a statement by the ‘artist’. All dialogue was added later and it is painfully obvious. The narrator tells the story in what sounds like 8th grade prose and any time two characters speak to each other the director goes out of his way to not show their mouths since nothing would sync up; hilariously awesome. This one gets a strong A+ on the craptacular scale.
Beast with A Million Eyes, The (1955)- Yeah, now this is what I’m talking about. Movies like this are why I invented the craptacular scale to begin with. So bad it’s GREAT! There’s a family, they live on some sort of ranch or orchard and they are pretty dysfunctional. The wife hates the husband and is jealous of the daughter who wants to leave, and a half-wit who really likes soft-core porn lives in the barn. Perfect set up! A UFO lands nearby and takes over the minds of the birds and animals, then of the half-wit, then begins working on everyone else, but what it didn’t take into account was love and man’s soul! Once again, aliens with piss-poor invasion plans under estimate mankind’s etc. This one is full on bad, with terrible dubbing, a hilarious plot, and basic total nonsense; although to be fair it may have been a slight influence on The Birds. If you like’em hilariously bad then I highly recommend this one, A+ on the craptacular scale!
Beast With Five Fingers, The (1946)- One of the first 'attacking hands' films, this concept would repeat itself over and over again in horror movies, shorts, and omnibus movies. A musician who is paralyzed on one side but can still play piano with his good hand falls down the steps in his wheel chair and dies. Well, most of him dies; his good hand wants a little revenge. Or does it, maybe it's one of the leaches trying to get a hold of his estate that he has left to his friend and caretaker. This is an effective murder mystery, suspense yarn with an added element of horror. The acting is good and most of the effects work considering the age of the film. Many consider it a classic but I wouldn't quite go that far, Peter Lorre is great though, as usual! B+.
Beast Within, The (1982)- Decent enough early 80s monster movie. We open in the 60s with a young couple stuck in the boonies of Mississippi, the husband heads off to get help, and the wife is brutally raped by something less than human. Jump ahead 17 years and the result of the rape, the couple’s son, is having serious medical problems (you can guess the rest). All this leads to them investigating the past and who... or what, may have raped the wife, which in turn leads to a somewhat confusing mess of a story. Yeah, this is a little hard to follow at times and doesn’t always make much sense, and as for plot holes... well, just don’t think too much about it, enjoy some fairly good 80s effects, some atmosphere, good dark camp (a girl’s dog digs up a hand and promptly drops it on her head), and some great dialogue ("...now I know what’s wrong... He has a crush!" yeah, that’s it!) Anyway, if you like the 80s flicks that aren’t slasher flicks, then you’ll dig this one; just don’t put too much thought into it! I’ll give it a fairly weak B-, you know the kind of B- that should be a C+ but I gave them an extra point for effort.
Bedlam (1946)- More a Val Lewton thriller than horror but here ya go. It's the 1760s, an age of reason, and a fat and powerful English Lord likes to laugh and likes to make fun of the "loonies" in the local asylum run by Boris Karloff. Karloff is a very wise politician and likes things to stay status quo so he uses his powers of persuasion over the none too bright Lord to get his way, like keeping the asylum just the way it is and making sure anyone who wants to make changes ends up as his guest in the asylum. The cunning work and great acting by Karloff carry this one. It's dated and slow moving at times but remains a pretty good story with a pretty good ending. B+.
Before I Hang (1940)- Here Karloff plays a kindly old doctor looking for the secret to stop aging. He promises a patient, who is suffering greatly from unspecified age related issues, that he will be able to reverse the aging process. When his serums fail the patient begs to be euthanized. Karloff does the ‘mercy killing’ and is sentenced to hang for it. He accepts his fate, hoping someone will be able to continue his work, however, as luck would have it, the prison allows him to work there, he develops his serum, and, just before he is to be hanged he tries it on himself. Just then his sentenced is commuted to life, and his serum starts to work, but with some wicked bad side effects. We’ve all seen the transplant horror movies, get a murderer’s hands, become a murderer, get a murderer’s eyes, and see murders. Here Karloff’s serum is mixed with a murderer’s blood and, well, you can guess the rest. This is pretty slow moving, even for its age. Karloff is good but not great, for Karloff completists only. D+.
Bell from Hell (1973)- Euro-trash goes artsy! Lots of close-ups and long shots, and long rolling shots of pretty much nothing all lead up to a pretty monotonous flick. It was tough to stay awake there for a while. The plot follows a man who has been put in an asylum, he may or may not be crazy, but it looks like his relatives have tried to keep him there in hopes of getting his money. He does kind of go bonkers working in a slaughterhouse (al la ‘Texas Chainsaw’ vibe) and winds up getting the last laugh (literally I guess). This was weird and tries to be Argento, but falls short. C-.
Below (2002)- During WWII an American submarine picks up survivors of a sunken hospital ship. Soon after things start getting strange on board. We quickly find one of the survivors is German. Is he trying to sabotage the submarine? I always like claustrophobic stories, and you can't get much more claustrophobic than a sub, especially one that just may be haunted. This is a pretty effective story, well acted, tense, and paced well. B
Beneath (2007)- Moody little piece about a girl who, after the funeral of her parents, accidentally kills her sister in a car wreck. Wracked with guilt she believes her sister was actually buried alive and has hallucinations to that effect. She is put away in a mental institution and eventually gets into college as a premed student, but her erratic behavior still shows through. She eventually goes back home for the funeral of her ‘caretaker’, a nice old guy who had a heart attack. Her niece believes the ‘dark things’ killed the caretaker though and we’re off into an investigation paralleling the death of the caretaker, the grandma, and the earlier death of the sister. This is an atmospheric enough tale but it is a little hard to follow and at times just seemed too long. There’s a moody darkness to it that works but there’s also a few too many "what the..." moments too. I’ll give it a C.
Beneath The Planet of the Apes (1970)- The first "The Planet of the Apes" tried pretty hard, and for the most part succeeded, in avoiding the 60s sci-fi clichés (except for the goofy disgruntled teenage chimpanzee near the end). "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" makes no such attempt. We are clubbed over the head with warrior class, nonviolent peace protestors, Nazi like fascism, violence solves nothing, nuclear bomb cold war era paranoia complete with bizarre pseudo-religious zeal and psychedelic effects. The entire first 2/3 of this movie are nothing more than filler for the annoying climax of fall out scared humans who worship a doomsday bomb and sing hymns to its greatness as the gorillas attack. Very little makes much sense until you plug in the ‘violence never pays’ moral of the story. I’m a fan of the "Planet of the Apes" movies and this is by far the weakest. I’ll give it a C though as some of the scenes of the gorillas training for war and the makeup jobs are still great. I was a huge fan of these flicks when I was a kid and wanted nothing more than one of those gorilla masks. C.
Berserk (1967)- Over the top circus movie with Joan Crawford as the circus owning vamp. Someone is murdering the circus folk, are they trying to shut the circus down, or are they trying to generate publicity to make more money? Red herrings swim in all directions and I can usually figure these things out but I turned out to be wrong this time, and that makes me want to "Kill, kill, kill" (you’ll have to see the movie). I won’t give too much away but suffice it to say, we get the ultimate in poetic justice at the end. This one’s campy and fun and worth a viewing if you like such 60s flair, complete with Joan Crawford saying things like "We’ve eaten caviar and we’ve eaten sawdust". Too many damned circus performance stock clips though, and the musical piece with some of the ‘freaks’ caught me off guard! Classic stuff though. B.
Beyond, The (1981)- Italian Zombie Master Fulci Strikes Again. Here's how I figure the planning for this movie went down. Meeting #1: "Hey I have an idea. Let's do a movie about a hotel built on top of a gateway to Hell and strange things start happening when someone decides to restore it." "Great idea!" Meeting #2: "Hey let's make this movie extremely gory with lots of slow death scenes throughout!" "Great idea when do we start?" "How about right now?" "But we don't have a script or have the plot hashed out yet." "That's OK, ACTION!" So, if you're looking for a coherent plot with good dialogue and acting look elsewhere. If you're looking for an atmospheric gory Eurotrash Zombie flick, look no further! Fulci gets in lots of eye obsessed kills which include but aren't limited to eyes gouged out, spider eating an eye, and a nail through the back of the head and popping out through the eye socket in front. Some of the dialogue is great too. At one point the lady who now owns the hotel and is trying to restore it finds out about the hotel's past (a man had found the key to Hell and was killed there as a devil worshipper) she says something to the effect "I'm not going to let a few electrical problems and a silly story scare me away." Of course she has left out the fact that her painter fell from the second story and was mumbling incoherently about 'The eyes' after the fall and then the plumber was inexplicably murdered in the basement by having his eyes gouged out and a body was discovered severely mutilated and bricked up in the wall and then the plumber's wife is killed by acid being poured on her face while at the morgue. Regardless, this lady ain't scared PERIOD! Some of the effects are really good some are really bad. The spider scene is hilarious as they very obviously only had two real spiders to use and used very poorly executed blurred camera work, quick editing, and some fake spiders pulled along on strings to make it look like more spiders. Another scene has a doctor hook a 'brain wave machine' up to a corpse that's been dead for 60 years, I'm not sure what he's expecting to see. A close up of the 'brain wave machine' reveals it is an old oscilloscope, not very impressive. Of course it eventually does kick on but seems to be showing heart rate rather than brain waves. Also look for the sign on the morgue "Do Not Entry", which the plumber's wife duly ignores as she goes in amongst the dead to put her dead husband's best suit on for his funeral. Is that a European custom? . And wow, I would love to get me one of those self loading .357s that doctor has in his desk (that must be one rough New Orleans neighborhood if the dotor keeps a handgun in his desk at the hospital)! And seriously, even if you didn't know it takes a head shot to kill a zombie wouldn't you be able to figure that out? I mean shoot on in the head it drops./ the next one you shoot in the shoulder, stomach, arm, it keeps coming then you shoot it in the head and it drops. Next one you shoot in the neck, shoulder, stomach, keeps coming. Shoot it in the head it drops. After about TEN OR TWELVE OF THOSE IT WULD STAND TO REASON TO JUST SHOOT THE DAMNED THINGS IN THE HEAD!!! Anyway...This is generally one of those love it or hate it flicks. Having said that I fall somewhere between, it is over rated stuff by many zombie fans but not as bad as the haters would have you believe. I'll give it a B for atmosphere and pure discomfort level. Fulci's "Zombi II" is better.
Birds, The (1963)- This is a bizarre flick! A man wants to buy some miner birds for his little sister's birthday (this guy looks like he's about 35 years old and he has a successful law firm in San Francisco and his sister is just turning 11, weird). Anyway a spoiled rich girl pretends to work at the pet store and then later delivers the miner birds to the lawyer's weekend home in Northern Cali as a practical joke. Then weird stuff starts happening. Wild birds seem to be occasionally attacking people for no reason, then they begin flocking together and attacking people, and things get progressively worse. I think the real fear in this movie is the constant feeling that it could actually happen (OK probably not but it seems more likely than an alien invasion, zombies, or other 'monsters'). The material is taken very seriously and there are no cosmic explanations thrown about, all we know is huge flocks of birds are randomly attacking people. But even in material that seems like it would be silly, Hitch is able to develop complex characters and interesting sub plots. It's another example of Hitch's ability to pull you into a movie and keep you there until the end, wasting no shots or sequences in the process, and another favorite from my youth. A.
Birds II: Land’s End (1994)- MST3K time! Why oh why did this even get made, even just Made for TV? Anyway, the birds are rising up, this time because of an oil spill or something. You can predict as each character shows up exactly what is going to happen to them and why. There’s the crusty old guy who knows everything, the smart ass mayor who won’t believe anyone, the heroic dog, the helpless little girls and so on. Tippy Hedron makes a cameo to try and lend some validity but it is too little too late. An A on the craptacular scale only.
Bird With the Crystal Plumage, The (1970)- Argento’s debut as a director finds him copping a lot from Hitch, but not in a bad way. We have an American tourist in Rome who witnesses attempted murder, becomes a suspect, clears his name, and then becomes obsessed with solving the mystery of who was trying to kill the woman. Twists and turns abound (along with some dead ends that don’t make much sense upon reflection) and we wind up with a very satisfying murder mystery. Yeah, there are some plot holes, and some bad dubbing, to be expected really, but for the most part of you like Euro-Giallo Hitch like flicks then this is a must see. A
Birth (2004)- This movie isn't so much horror as it is "supernatural suspense thriller." Well really it's not so much "supernatural suspense thriller" as it is "slow moving pile of steaming crap." I realize suspense often equates to a slow moving movie, and when that approach works it works well, but when it fails, well, this is the result. I should have known I was in trouble when the first hour and a half of the movie was a guy jogging (or at least it seemed that long). Anyway, a lady's husband drops dead after a really long run. 10 years later a 10 year old shows up and says he's her husband reincarnated. He knows some sketchy details, I guess, of the guy's life. The lady is engaged to be married again but now wants to spend her life with this kid. Characters come and go and people eat a lot and sit and stare at each other and these people are filthy rich so it all has an air of "who cares" about it anyway. I hated this one. F.
Black Cat, The (1934)- This was originally supposed to be an adaptation of the Poe story "The Black Cat" but was totally rewritten save the name and ends up with next to nothing to do with Poe. I believe this is the best of the old-school Universal horror movies. Except for an occasional bit of camp this movie takes itself very seriously and it has none of the outrages characters, over the top plot lines, or over acting many of its contemporary horror movies have (not that those are bad things). The acting is brilliant and the directing is cutting edge for the times. It makes you wonder what could've been if Universal's horror hadn't fallen into B movie status with too much camp and too much fear of the censors. This was the first, and by far the best, pairing of the two greatest horror movie actors of all time. Bela Lugosi plays a doctor who has been in a Prisoner of War camp for fifteen years and is returning to the man who betrayed him during the war and then stole his wife and daughter, Boris Karloff. Karloff is apparently into taxidermy with interesting results and also a practitioner of the Black Arts. So many classic moments in this film but the best is right after Lugosi arrives and he is explaining to Karloff where he has been. Karloff sits quietly in his black robe with his white face, following Lugosi only with his darkened eyes. It's a brilliant combination of direction and acting. The Bauhaus architecture comes to life in the stark black and white film, complete with great lighting and long shadows. Lugosi is brilliant as the good doctor and Karloff plays his character with great restraint and believability. The censors were none too happy with this movie at the time and the boundaries it pushed led to problems for many years for horror movies (it was inspired by a true account of a couple's meeting famous English Satanist Aleister Crowley). My only complaint is the music which plays almost throughout the entire film is at times over-bearing and pulls the movie down. Still, this is a must see for students of horror or just film in general. A+.
Black Christmas (1974)- It's Christmas and most of the sorority girls are already gone from or leaving the sorority house for Christmas. Those that remain exchange gifts and drink a little, trying to enjoy themselves. Little do they know, a homicidal maniac has gotten into the attic and has set about killing the girls off. Sounds familiar right? It should, this Bob Clark ("Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", "Porkey's", "A Christmas Story") plot has been worked, reworked, done and redone, however, when you remember that this film was made in 1974 then you see it's significance. It was an obvious influence on Carpenter's "Halloween" and deserves the credit, or blame, for kicking off the whole 'teens in distress/slasher' sub genre. So in context it is an important film, it is well made, well acted and suspenseful. It is a little slow moving at times though. It probably deserves an A+ because it set the standard for so many films that followed but I think I will give it an A- because it drags a little and leaves too many unanswered questions.
Black Christmas (2006)- Remake of the classic Bob Clark 1974 flick. All I can say is "Why"? The basic plot remains intact; sorority girls in a sorority house at Christmas are being killed off. But it's the new millennium so they all have cell phones. Of course the gore is over the top, often unnecessarily so, and I couldn't tell whether the film was going for camp or just gross out. At times everything was a slapstick comedy complete with 'ironic' Christmas music and then we are subjected to the ultimate in dysfunctional families complete with a mother raping her young son. Which leads to a more revealing back-story about the killer, which basically left all suspense out. This movie was so painfully unoriginal it was fun to sit and look for what movie each part was stolen from. F unless you like to rip on garbage.
Black Friday (1940): Another Lugosi Karloff vehicle, even though Lugosi is only in it briefly. Karloff is a doctor whose best friend is injured in a car accident caused by bank robbers. Karloff saves his friend by implanting part of a gangster's brain. You can guess the rest. Yeah it's silly but it is nicely paced and contains some decent enough suspenseful moments. It's a nice genre jumping gangster, horror, sci-fi piece. C+.
Black Sabbath (1963)- A tight little trilogy directed by Mario Bava and hosted by Boris Karloff. Story one deals with a woman who turned her boyfriend in for a crime and he has now escaped and is terrorizing her. A great little suspense piece. Story two deals with the warduluck, which is basically a vampire that preys on its own family. This is a good story but too slow moving. Karloff stars and is effective but it still drags. The third story is one of those 'put the hook in me' works. I was pretty young, 9 or 10, when I first saw this movie. The odd thing is I don't even remember the first two stories but I sure remember this one. It's the story of a woman who goes to sit with the corpse of an old woman who recently passed. She was into séances and such and tended to scare folks when she was alive. She's pretty hideous in death too. The woman decides to steal a ring from the corpse's body, bad idea. The corpse in this movie scared the crap out of me when I was young and, although now it's not really scary, it is still pretty effective. Story one gets an A, story two gets a C, and story 3 gets an A+ which averages to a B+.
Black Scorpion, The (1957)- If you like the giant monster sci-fi 50s sub-genre you’ll probably like this. It has all the (by 1957) cliché elements. Trashed cars, dead bodies, odd sounds, no one knows what any of it means. They slowly piece together the puzzle and realize there are giant dinosaur era scorpions around Mexico City. And what’s more there are giant worms and spiders too as a recent volcanic eruption and earthquake released them. Most of the stop-motion animation, supervised by the guy that did the original "King Kong", works, although there are some really bad prop close up shots and some piss poor mat shots. The scorpions’ underground lair is a nice set piece but, while a classic sequence, the final battle at a soccer stadium leaves a little to be desired. This is pretty much a must for lovers of 50s stop motion monster flicks, all others may want to avoid. I’ll give it a very strong B+ all things considered.
Black Sleep, The (1956)- You can't go wrong when Rathbone, Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, and Tor Johnson are all crammed in one movie. Rathbone plays a doctor who puts science before everything except curing his wife. He experiments on living people who he pays a gypsy to procure for him. He saves a brilliant doctor from the gallows by making the prison officials think he is dead and then reviving him back at the castle. His experiments continue and with each one, results a failure leaving the person totally insane and often violent. This movie, while a little goofier, managed a little of that Val Lewton atmosphere, and although it was no where near as good, it conjured up parts of "The Body Snatcher" fairly often. Not a bad movie, but no masterpiece either. C+.
Black Sunday (1960)- A Mario Bava classic combining legends of vampirism, witchcraft, and Satan worship. A witch and her lover are tortured and killed (by her brother no less) and forced to wear the Mask of Satan, a mask that is basically nailed to the head. The witch curses the family and 200 years later returns to exact her revenge on her look alike descendant and her look alike descendant's father. There's some silly dialogue and some old school over the top acting but I still liked this movie as a well paced witch period piece. B.
Blair Witch Project, The (1999)- Another no-budget horror flick that seemed to come from nowhere. The most interesting thing about this movie (as I'm sure you all know) is it's filmed in the first person. You are literally watching the events as they unfold according to the tape that was 'found' in the woods. Some college kids set out to investigate the legend of the Blair Witch by taking camera equipment out into the woods. Through interviews and other parts of the documentary they are filming we get to know the basics of the Blair Witch Legend and, in essence, become part of the story. Things begin to go wrong as they become lost, one wrong move leads to another until the chilling end. There is no sex, no violence, no disturbing visuals, and no gore. This movie wants to appeal on a very visceral level and for me it worked. These people are lost, freaked out, and genuinely scared and the end has a definite impact. This is one of those movies where you either hate it or dig it and I dug it. A+.
Blanchville, Monster, the (1963)- Crazy low budget flick with a twist ending you’ll see coming for miles. If you look up ‘melodrama’ in the dictionary this flick should be listed! A gal returns to her scary castle after graduating college, she’s brought some friends with her to meet her weird brother. Lot’s has changed at the castle since she’s been away, mainly her dad is dead, and then there’s that nasty little family curse that says she must die before she turns 21, and her 21st birthday is just days away, but nobody believes family curses do they? Toss in a weird housekeeper and a weirder doctor and red herrings flop all around. B+ on the craptacular scale.
Blob, The (1958)- This, the original Blob, was a nice entrant into the 50s ‘menace from space’ sci-fi sub-genre (or was it really a menace from space, could it be the devouring blob was yet another metaphor for "The Red Menace"?) Anyway, here we have Steve McQueen as a misunderstood rebel without a cause, some of his hot rod driving prankster friends and his date, a young Helen Crump from The Andy Griffith show. They see a meteor crash into the woods and find an old man with what appears to be some blisters on his hand. They rush the old man to the ‘doc’ and the next thing you know the blob is running around eating folks and the cops think the kids are just pulling a prank. This is chock full of 50s stereotypes but it works pretty well on the level it was intended. A little less standing around talking and blaming the 'kids’ for everything might have made it move a little better though. It is original (or maybe they had just run out of ideas for aliens so this was more or less just a surrender), low budget color flick. Like a lot of these 50s sci-fi flicks, if you dig them then this is a must see, if you hate this stuff then you may want to avoid it, unless you’re curious about this one’s cult movie status. I’ll give it a B+.
Blood and Roses (1960)- Interesting Italian take on the ‘Carmilla’ story. A man is getting married and his distant cousin is devastated as she has been in love with him since they were children. She can’t take the feelings of rejection and goes a little crazy, or maybe she’s possessed by an ancestor who may have been a vampire. It leaves the conclusion a little open ended, which was kind of nice. I talked before about how my impressions going in often times influence how I feel about a movie, I went into this pretty much expecting crap and wound up really liking it, had I gone in expecting something great I may not have liked it as much. As things stand I’ll give it a generous A. Yeah it’s low budget, the acting ain’t great, and the dubbing is bad at times, but it is a good little modern take on an old story.
Blood Feast (1963)- Best known as the first ‘gore for gore’s sake’ splatter flick, "Blood Feast" is really a mess, no pun intended. An Egyptian priest is killing women who read his book and using their body parts as part of an Egyptian Feast he is planning for a rich lady’s daughter, of course his real motive is a feast for his goddess Ishtar... I guess. For the most part the plot makes little sense, the dialogue is senseless, and the acting is atrocious all the way around. This is a real train wreck, only a step or two above Ed Wood territory, but then there’s the gore. No the effects aren’t great but, keeping in mind it was made in 1963 you will have to admit, it was ahead of its time in that regard. We see the blood and the body parts removed and the mess left afterwards (as we deal with some hilariously bad grief stricken actors and cops who insist on rehashing the plot for us in case we missed something). Yes this movie is bad bad bad, but if you like’em bad, or if you’re interested in horror history and want to see where much of today’s over the top gore began, then this is a must see. I will give it a solid A+ on the craptacular scale.
Blood Sucking Freaks (1976)- What can I say, this is just misogynistic torture exploitation at its best, which means worst. The plot follows a stage show that features naked women being tortured, the audience is amazed at how real it is; little do they know it actually is real. When a critic refuses to even write a review of the show, things go from bad to worse for everyone, if that’s possible. If you’re into this type of exploitation then A) I feel sorry for you, maybe you should move out of your mom’s basement, and B) you’ll probably like this. Lots of naked ladies screaming and crying padded with lots of terrible acting and effects. How do I grade a flick that was meant to be trash and succeeds? I’ll give it an F, even though I’m pretty sure that this is exactly what Troma had in mind when they released it.
Bloodlust! (1961)- Mr. Brady, before Carol and the kids, is out for an afternoon at sea with friends. They decide to visit an island. It's a strange island with a strange man living there. He's hesitant to let them leave. What's he got in mind? We know he likes to hunt. Hhhmmmmm, maybe he wants to hunt... PEOPLE?!?! Mr. Brady keeps a cool collected head just like you'd expect though. This is a cheap old school Scream Teen flick that in a cheap old school Scream Teen way works. I wonder if the producers of "House of the Dead" reviewed below saw this one. If you like goofy black and white thrillers, like me, you'll like this. B.
Blue Beard (1944)- John Carradine, though forgotten behind names like Lugosi, Karloff, and Price, is one of the great horror movie actors. He made some good flicks like "House of Dracula". Of course he made some bad ones too like "Blue Beard". A serial killer is on the loose in Paris. Carradine is a puppeteer, painter and, of course, serial killer. He paints; he kills, so he tries not to paint. His agent is pushy though and wants some more paintings to sell. Actually a nice non- Hollywood ending, but I just couldn't get into it much. C.
Body Snatcher, The (1945)- Val Lewton classic with Boris Karloff as the title character. Karloff is a "kindly" cab driver but to make extra cash he provides cadavers for a medical school. How he comes by those cadavers becomes problematic as does his black mail techniques he uses on the not so good doctor. Bela Lugosi has a small role as servant who has some black mail ideas of his own. The black and white photography is great as is the direction and acting. Some critics say Karloff's portrayal here is second only to his Frankenstein's Monster (I'd say his Mummy would be third). They're probably right. A well presented story with a nice twist ending. A.
Bonnie and Clyde Vs. Dracula (2007)- Caught the premier of this at the local drive in. To be honest I didn’t expect much, but all told it wasn’t a bad film at all. Really well done despite obvious budget constraints you still get better directing and acting than many big budget flicks, and a more original story. A doctor wants to bring Dracula to America and revive him in hope of curing an ailment. Things look to be going good for the doc until Bonnie and Clyde show up. This is a campy ride and you get what you’d expect with a title like that, but in the end I like the story and the end was really good. B+
Boo! (2005)- Halloween hijinx as kids break into an old hospital to scare their girlfriends. Bad idea as this hospital had a high security mental ward on the 3rd floor and those folks' spirits are wanting out after being trapped and killed there in a fire years before. Attempts at character development fall flat and the only character I ended up caring about was the German Shepherd dog. The acting was friggin' horrible too. And with friends like these... All in all this wasn't a terrible flick but it sure wasn't good either. D+.
Boogey Man (2005)- Kind of slow and predictable but in this case I think it works. A kid sees his dad killed by the bogeyman, or did he? It haunts him the rest of his life until he returns home for his mothers' funeral and decides to face his fears. It was silly and not very original but I dug it all the same. I think the acting was pretty good and the directing was real good with some scenes very well done. B-
Book of Shadows: The Blair Witch II (2000)- How could they make a sequel to a movie that wasn't supposed to be a movie in the first place? "The Blair Witch Project" just made too much money to leave well enough alone. There's more gold in that mine. Blair II more or less picks up where the first one left off; with the exception that now we're watching a movie, not a documentary. All sorts of tourists are showing up in Blair, bothering some locals, making others rich. Enter the unstable tour guide and his unsuspecting tour guidees, and off into the woods they go. Things begin to go wrong and one wrong move leads to another (etc.) until they wind up back at the tour guides house and insanity ensues. I was very suspect about this movie going in but I think it ended up being a fairly strong. Although not brilliant and not as original as the first one, it did keep me focused and interested so what more could you really ask for. B.
Bowery At Midnight (1942)- Another Lugosi Poverty Row flick. Here Lugosi basically plays three characters, by day he’s the brilliant psychology professor, by night he’s the kindly soup kitchen director, by later at night he’s the criminal mastermind behind several jewel heists, using the patrons of his soup kitchen as help. Once they help him out they wind up dead, but apparently only for a short time as the junky janitor of the soup kitchen, whose nickname is "Doc" and who maybe was a doctor before becoming a junky, has found a way to reanimate the dead crooks, and you better bet there’ll be Hell to pay! The cops are already closing in when one of Lugosi’s students recognizes him while visiting the soup kitchen for a class project; the grand plan all comes crashing down, complete with angry zombies. In the end the soup kitchen assistant sets up some wedding plans with a zombie. Weird. I’ve seen better but I’ve seen much much worse. If you like the Poverty Row quickies you’ll like this. Fun dialogue and more shoot first ask questions later cops make this one complete. A strong C+ on the craptacular scale.
Boy Eats Girl (2005)- As you can tell from the title, this isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. It is like a low budget John Hughes film with zombies; kind of "Pretty in Pink" meets "Shawn of the Dead". We have a kid who likes a girl, she’s good friends with him, he wants to date her but feels she is out of his league, but she likes him too. When she doesn’t show to hang out one night he becomes depressed, starts drinking, and accidentally commits suicide (accidentally commits suicide? Yes). His mother works at the local church and knows they keep a book of voodoo spells in the basement, she uses them to bring her son back, but a page is missing, its an important page as now her son craves human flesh and when he bites a bully classmate the disease spreads, rapidly. How will the boy and his goofy classmates get outta this one? At no point does this movie take itself too seriously. It isn’t laugh out loud funny or as witty as "Shawn of the Dead" but it is funny at spots and over all fairly well done. There are no real ‘scares’ in it, and while slow to start the gore is pretty good and the climax was obviously influenced by Peter Jackson’s "Dead Alive" lawnmower ending. Purists will hate the ‘stronger faster’ zombies but if you just want 80 minutes of goofy zombie-zaniness you could do much worse. B.
Brain That Wouldn’t Die, The (1962)- Oh my. Some of the greatest acting, editing, and dialogue ever to make it’s way onto the craptacular scale. There’s this doctor see, and he’s got these notions about transplanting human limbs and such see. His dad is old school man, and he doesn’t like the fact his son practices his experiments on humans. It just ain’t right that’s all. The son doesn’t care. He gets a call from his assistant back at the country house, which gives ol’ dad the creeps, and the son rushes off in a huge hurry with his fiancée. Ignoring the winding road signs the son takes the corners in his girlfriend’s giant 1961 convertible at breakneck speeds... and crashes in one of the most hilarious car crash scenes ever! As luck would have it his girlfriend is decapitated. He must save her head and then find a body for her. After making sure her head is fine in his lab (this lab gives Bela’s lab in Ed Wood’s "Bride of the Monster" a run for worst lab scene ever) he sets out to find a body, and where better to find the perfect body than a strip joint! What follows is some of the best late 50s early 60s horror movie sexiness ever filmed as the buxom ladies sing, dance, and catfight. After all this there’s a beauty contest, and the good doctor winds up at an old friend’s house. She has the greatest body ever, too bad her face was burned in an accident. Perfect! He gets her back to the lab, starts the operation, and... well his Frankenstein like monster that lives in the closet just may throw a monkey wrench in his plans. This one gets a strong A on the craptacular scale.
Brainiac, The (1692)- Wow, it SAYS this flick was made in 1962, but it sure ‘felt’ like I was watching a movie made in 1932. From the horribly written, and even worse delivered and dubbed dialogue, to the almost continuous dated music, this terd sinks quick. It is a revenge flick very much in the vein of early Bava fare like ‘The Mask of Satan/Black Sunday’ except it sucks. A guy is tortured and eventually burned at the stake for something or other, being a sorcerer I guess. He curses the ancestors of the people who condemn him and swears to ride back in on a comet when it comes back around in 300 years. This he does in some of the worst unspecial effects I have ever seen. He goes about removing his victims’ brains with a huge forked tongue as he transfers back and forth from the brainiac to himself. He also has Dracula like hypnotic powers which lead to some hilarious ‘hypnotized’ folks. Local astronomers who saw the comet and also happen to be descended from people this warlock guy knew are looking into the comet, and the recent murders, as are a couple of detectives who carry flame throwers. Weird stuff to be sure but a must see for fans of the craptacular. A+ on that scale!
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)- Some people really hate this movie. To them I say "Screw You!" maybe the sexual angle was over played a little, or then again, maybe it wasn't. It depends on your interpretation of the Dracula story. All said and done this movie follows the book pretty closely and, in my humble opinion, works. The acting is great (except Keanu who damn near ruins it with his terrible attempt at an English accent) and the directing is brilliant. (Man, hardcore critics will hate me for this one I bet.) I love the minimalist sets and the frequent nods to the Browning/Lugosi "Dracula". It is after all, really just "Romeo and Juliet" in the horror mold. A+.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)- I've read a lot of reviews that say this film is superior to the first. I think those reviews might be right. Great atmosphere that you expect from these old black and white Universal movies (they had a great way of lighting that took full effect of the huge sets and the dark shadows they cast), great lab scenes, and a good, well directed story. A doctor who has been doing similar experiments as Dr. Frankenstein wants to create a mate for the monster, who survived the fire at the end of the first film. Aside from some silly, dated 'scientific' mumbo-jumbo and some very silly creations made by this other scientist, the movie is very good. (The campy old maid is a little over the top though.) I think the Monster's looks might have been softened a little to make him more sympathetic, but it still works. Colin Clive gets to work in his famous "It's alive... alive!" line again too. Look for a lot of Christ-figure imagery associated with the Monster in this one, amplifying Dr. Frankenstein's roll of God. A+.
Bride of the Monster (1956)- What can I say? This is an Ed Wood masterpiece, and those of you familiar with the great Ed Wood know what I mean. Those of you not familiar with Ed Wood, well, there's a reason for that. Anyway, this is full of the usual Ed Wood dazzling special effects (a giant octopus attacks Bela Lugosi), excellent usage of stock footage (nuclear bomb exploding), and amazing sets (Bela's lab, especially the stone masonry work on the walls). Ed Wood tried to make good movies... Well, not really but he did make movies. Anyway, Bela is a scientist who was run out of his own country and is now on the verge of doing something great with his giant octopus so his country wants him to come back. Too many people have been disappearing in the swamps around his house though so the cops and a reporter are snooping around and figure Bela has something to do with the disappearances. They're right of course. Seriously, Ed Wood flicks are great simply because they are not great at all. If you like digging the bottom of the barrel then you'll love this, if not then you'll hate it. Personally I like it but it's not as bad/good as "Plan 9 from Outer Space". B.
Brides of Dracula, The (1960)- Pretty classic Hammer material; Great sets, great acting, great use of vivid color, Hammer didn't skimp in those days. Dracula was killed... several times, and is still dead (not undead) throughout this movie (in other words Christopher Lee said "No") so the plot has Cushing's Van Helsing pursuing a vampire who has been chained up in his room by his own mother and kept alive by the blood of young traveling woman, and now has escaped thanks to one of those women. The vampire is so happy that he's asked her to marry him. It's a fairly original take on the legend and it works for the most part. The fight scenes are poorly staged and apparently flying bat special effects technology went nowhere from the 1930s to the 1960s but those are small issues. B-
Broken, The (2008)- Slow paced moody suspense thriller with an odd supernatural twist. This is a dark film with a few disturbing images and a nice sense of ‘what is going on?’. An American ambassador to England is having a birthday and retiring. His kids and their wives/boyfriends/whatever throw him a party and during the party a large mirror falls from the wall. From that point on strange things begin to happen as mirrors begin falling from walls seemingly wherever these people go and it just might be that evil doppelgangers from inside the looking glass are to blame. The story hinges on the ambassador’s daughter who sees herself driving her Jeep down the road, then gets in her Jeep and has a terrible head on collision. Has her brain been damaged from the wreck or are there in fact evil doubles of the people she knows showing up? And what happened to the double she saw driving the Jeep before the accident? If you like the slightly odd, slower paced suspense films then this one is for you, the bottom line is there really isn’t much going on but I was kept interested the whole time and I liked the twist ending. At around 90 minutes the running time was just about right, any longer and it would’ve started loosing my attention. A-
Brood, The (1976)- Cronenberg explores the demons in us all, or in this case the snowsuit wearing little devils in one particularly strange lady who had a rough childhood, and plans her revenge, via her subconscious and her psychiatrist, together the three of them birth these wicked little things. Yeah, this is a weird one and a little hard to explain really. The acting is really good, as is the directing, and the dialogue works for something so seemingly silly on the surface. No, it isn’t extremely frightening, and may even at times be almost laughable, still, I liked it, it is fairly unique and creates a good little atmosphere. B.
Brotherhood of Satan, The (1971)- I’ve mentioned it before, folks in the late 60s/early 70s were seriously afraid of cults and Satan. Must have been the drugs. Anyway, some Satanists in a small California town seem to be stopping anyone from getting in or out of town, and also seem to be snatching up the kids for their own nefarious deeds. Dimwitted police, insane residents, and a superstitious priest fill in the gaps while Strother Martin takes the whole thing up and over the top. This is one slow moving pile, but if you’re in the mood for fun, it is great to rip on, like the extended shot of the couple driving along listening to elevator music, the dream sequences, the priest, and general over-acting galore, not to mention the hilarious dialogue. I’ll give this a B+ on the craptacular scale.
Bucket of Blood (1959): Early Roger Corman cheapie about a halfwit outcast who buses tables at an ultra hip beatnik club called The Yellow Door. Said halfwit wants to be an artist and be accepted in someway but has no talent beyond memorizing other's poetry. Then one night he's trying to make a sculpture, and failing badly, when he accidentally kills his landlady's cat. So to hide the body he naturally encases it in clay and turns it into a statue (knife sticking out and all). His sculpture becomes a big hit with the in crowd and also draws the attention of an undercover cop who's casing the place. Halfwit then proceeds to accidentally kill the cop too. Luckily he knows just what to do with the body. Meanwhile the owner of the Yellow Door discovers halfwit's secret but knows he can make some money from him so he goes along for the ride. This is a pretty decent black comedy cult favorite about loneliness and the desire to be accepted. It is cheap of course and the copy I watched was pretty bad but that aside I liked this one. Nothing great about it just a good story and fair acting, tightly paced and played out. B.
Buddy Boy (1999)- An intense study of a dysfunctional family and one man’s further descent into insanity. Buddy Boy as his step mom refers to him is a lonely stuttering voyeur who has to take care of his invalid bible thumping step mother while also carrying his own load of Catholic guilt. He saves his neighbor, who he’s been spying on, from a purse snatcher and eventually winds up in bed with her, and she is falling for him. He continues to spy on her, seeing her eating meat (she claims to be a vegan), with another man, and having parties where the main course is not only obviously meat, but may in fact be human flesh! Buddy becomes increasingly unraveled, especially after his step mother’s relationship with a plumber goes terribly awry and we begin to realize all is definitely not as it seems. I was pulled into this one and liked it quite a bit, in a disturbing sort of way, and the cliffhanger ending I thought was perfect, as was the soundtrack. I’m giving this an A+ as a great study of insanity.
Burial Ground (1981)- A classic piece of Euro-Trash and a must see for Italian zombie movie fans, Hell, the bizarre man-child with the Oedipus complex is worth the price of admission alone. Plus dialogue like "Mommy, this cloth smells like death", man, what can I say? A scientist apparently raises up some zombies who then go on a rampage after some weird folks staying at a mansion in the boonies. Not sure what they are doing but it seems they may be prepping for an orgy. Some of the effects are good, some of the zombie make up is good, some of it is bad. Over all this is just a classic piece of work of total trash. I think this gets an A+ on the craptacular scale.
Burn Witch, Burn (1962)- Nice British horror/mystery about a college professor of Sociology who goes about debunking mythology and supernatural beliefs. As he’s climbing the ladder of success at a small university he discovers his wife has been dabbling in witchcraft (she learned all about it during field study with him). He demands she stop and she does, even though she’s very afraid of the consequences to her husband’s career. And no sooner does she stop protecting him things begin to unravel. I really like the supernatural flicks of this period simple and mysterious but done well, and this is one of the best, with strong (albeit over the top at times) acting and great writing and directing. A strong A.
Burnt Offerings (1976)- Another 70s classic courtesy of Dan Curtis. I loved this flick when I was a kid and re-watching it was pretty fun. It doesn’t hold up quite as well as I thought it would be still, it is a classic. A family gets to rent a great old mansion for the summer at a crazy low price, the catch? They have to look after the mother of the crazy brother and sister who own the place. At least at first that seems to be the only catch, they soon realize there is a little more to the house than they thought, and to the mother as well. A great twist on the ‘old haunted house’ tale really, executed pretty well in a 70’s made-for-TV sort of vibe, and another book/movie Stephen King stole (He called it “The Shining”). I’m giving it an A, probably because I loved it so much when I was young.
Butterfly Effect, The (2004): I heard a lot of bad things about this flick from pretty much all sides plus it has Ashton Kutcher in it so I never bothered seeing it but it was playing late one night on satellite so I decided to catch it. I actually liked it. It wasn't overly original (basically a long episode of "Quantum Leap") and some of the sequences were too long (like when the main character wakes up as a 'frat boy') so it wasn't perfect but I have to admit I was pulled in and it kept my interest, which is important. Basically this guy does some pretty heinous stuff with the neighborhood kids when he was young and has regrets and also tends to have blackouts. He's pretty smart too and working on becoming a psychiatrist studying memory. It turns out that he may just be able to change the present if he can change the past during one of his blackouts. Yeah it seems a little convoluted but it's not. It's nothing incredible but it is a good story done pretty well. B+.
Cabin Fever (2002)- Kids go camping... start dying. "Evil Dead" meets "28 Days Later" with a helping of "Deliverance" tossed in for good measure. I kept waiting for that point where what was happening would all be tied together and the movie would make sense. It never came. Lots of blood and tense scenes. Directing and acting not too bad and the plot could've been good but... Also, the "People who live in the country are either crazy or stupid or both" bit has been done already... Lots and lots of times. Of course that had nothing to do with what was taking place back at the cabin, but then again, nothing had anything to do with anything in this move. I'll give it a D+ because it wasn't as bad as House of the Dead.
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The (1920)- I'm not a big silent movie buff. I like to catch the ones I read are the most influential and of those, "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" seems to be the most influential. And this is a great looking film. The painted sets, the jagged malformed doors, windows, and buildings, the whole expressionist experience comes to a head in this film. It was made as an art film but with an attempt to keep the story 'mainstream' so art film buffs and the general film going public could both enjoy it. It must have worked because after almost 90 years this film's influence is still being felt. From 1932's "The Black Cat" to about anything by Tim Burton today, this movie wields its awesome influence. Though not the first expressionist film, it seems to be the best (from what I've read) and most accessible. The plot? A doctor is experimenting with mind control on a somnambulist (sleep walker). The experiment includes seeing if the somnambulist will do things while asleep he wouldn't do while awake. Like murder. The whole story was supposed to reflect the dangers of blindly following leaders, which Germans were reeling from after WWI when this movie was made. However a twist ending was added which in effect reversed the original meaning of the story to say that calm, benevolent leaders are in fact necessary to a society gone mad. So at the end of the day did I like this one or not? Well, I liked "Nosferatu" quite a bit more. This movie felt longer than its 70+ minutes. Yes it is a beautifully filmed movie and deserves the accolades it gets. It is also an interesting story, which is sadly still relevant. I give it an A+ although I found it hard to stay interested in it at times.
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The (2005)- What happens when you take backgrounds from a classic silent flick and, using a computer and green screens, superimpose modern actors over them in order to do a remake. Well, you get hit and miss. They tried real hard on this one I think, but maybe too much went into the technical aspect of pulling it off and not enough went into the acting, dialogue, and over all ‘feel’. They remain true to the original story, a man tries to stop a somnambulist who he believes is murdering folks under the orders of his doctor, but who is really insane here? And they remain true to the look of the original; it’s that elusive ‘feel’ that’s missing. Still, I liked the effort so I’ll give it a hesitant B-, nice try, good idea, sub par execution.
Cadaverella (2007)- Twist on the Cinderella story. Our main character is a smart assed librarian who acts like she pretty much hates everyone. Her boyfriend is a college guy who’s always trying to get her to go to college. She’s a clepto and lifts things from his apartment all the time, including a small voodoo charm of the spirit who guards the door between the living and the dead. Her dad died soon after marrying a stripper so she was raised by her stripper step mom with her two very strange twins. Her dad was loaded and left her a nice trust fund that she’ll get when she turns 21 but, the day before her 21st birthday she decides to do a little partying with the gardener and winds up dead. A visit from the voodoo spirit from the voodoo charm gives her until midnight to avenge her death. For a no budget flick this is pretty well done. It drags at times and plays up the camp a little too much though. It feels very much like those syndicated shows "Tales From The Dark Side" from back in the day so if you liked those you’ll like this. B-
Call of Cthulhu, The (2005)- How, on a small budget, do you film a Lovecraft story? Giant monsters, ocean voyages, large cult gatherings, ships landing at uncharted islands. Impossible to pull with any believability at all... But what if the filmmakers decided to make the film look like it was filmed when Lovecraft actually wrote the story in the 1920s? What if they filmed it as a black and white silent film and used many of the same special effect techniques used then? They could pull it off on a small budget without looking like a small budget, get in the main points of the story, and look like ‘artists’ in doing it. That’s what they did, and did it work? That depends on if you like silent movies and Lovecraft’s mythos. I think the film was done really well and definitely had that old school silent film look and feel, and the effects were, well, quaint I guess, but it worked for me. The story? It follows Lovecraft’s story very closely. A man’s great-uncle dies and he inherits his work. The great-uncle was an archeologist and an expert in old languages and had been investigating a strange cult called The Cult of Cthulu and its worship of a huge ancient god-like beast. The man becomes obsessed with the research himself and uncovers a plot larger than he anticipated... Or maybe he is insane and reading too much into simple coincidences. I’m going to give this a strong A. It clocks in at about 50 minutes and is a perfect vehicle for this story.
Candyman (1992)- Take a little bit of "Hell Raiser" and mix in some "Nightmare on Elm Street", add a racial element and you have "Candyman". There's this urban legend about a killer called the Candyman and how you make him appear ("Beatlejuice Beatlejuice Beatlejuice!"). He appears, writers get involved, etc. Not very original but this movie works most of the time with a few good scares, good effects, and decent enough story line. B.
Cape Canaveral Monsters (1960)- Pretty much just garbage, but I like garbage so what the Hell. Aliens are none too happy with humans’ advancements in the space program (of course) so they set out to sabotage our efforts, but they try and do it so we won’t notice it is sabotage for some reason. They have lots of great technology that doesn’t seem to work too well, and can readily move about in kind of an energy/light form but even that doesn’t seem to really do them much good in the end, as it never does in these movies since humans’ ambition, love, or whatever the lesson is will always prevail, even though ambition is often what gets us in trouble, but we’ll learn our lesson, until the next invasion, etc. This one is fun, and short enough to not get tedious, almost a must see for lovers of 50s craptacular fun. An A on that scale.
Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter (1974)- Hammer was looking for a way to reinvent itself so it looked for ways to basically rebuild the old mythos with ‘Dr Jekyll and Sister Hide’ and ‘Captain Kronos’, which was supposed to be a series of films and maybe a TV spin off but as it was, there simply was no budget to promote anything so this fell into obscurity until the DVD market brought back from the brink. Captain Kronos, well, hunts vampires, and in his travels he comes across a village in the thrall of a vampire, and as mentioned, much of the old vampire mythos gets thrown out the window, to good effect in my opinion. This is a really good period piece typical of post-decent-budget-Hammer, which is still better than a lot of what was being put out in the early 70s. The acting is a tad stiff compared to some of their other flicks but I’ll give this a B, with a little more effort it could’ve been great.
Card Player, The (2004)- OK, this one is just plain silly. A serial killer kidnaps gals and then plays video poker with the police for the gals’ lives. The cops are dumbfounded as to how to play video poker so they go out and find a kid who is really good at it because he keeps any two-of-a-kinds he gets, genius kid! The kid tries to convince the cops that it is really just luck, that video poker requires absolutely no skill what so ever since you can’t bet and can’t bluff and in this version the killer can see what hand he needs to beat when it is his turn. The cops don’t buy it and when the kid beats the serial killer once they throw a frickin’ huge party with food and tons of champagne, I guess they thought if they beat the guy once he’d stop killing gals. I have no idea. And don’t miss the profilers for the cops, awesome, they have it narrowed down to someone 30 to 35, male or female, who likes to drag race cars and play Russian Roulette. What?!?! Then we have the ‘go it alone, don’t call for backup, and even though you have a good lead don’t tell anyone else in case you get killed’ cop which all leads to an awesome conclusion involving a speeding train and a woman tied to railroad tracks, yeah there’s more hilarity but I will leave it at that. The only shocker is that I had it figured out halfway through and I wasn’t wrong because Argento didn’t throw in his usual ‘impossible to see coming’ twist at the end. Hilarious plot, terrible dialogue, even worse dubbing, and bad acting, yeah this is Argento all right. Man, I hate to do it but I am going to give this an A. An A on the craptacular scale. Sorry Argento, I do respect your work, but this is juts so bad it’s good.
Carnival of Souls (1962)- Low budget strange flick about a woman who survives a car crash that kills two of her friends. She moves away to start a new life and soon begins to hallucinate that some strange man is following her. The people are odd and the circumstances are odd making this horror movie on the verge of being art house fare. Not that there's anything wrong with that and there isn't. Get over the oddness and almost lack of plot and you'll probably like this little movie for its creepy visuals and bizarre ending. Played an influence on Romero as he was getting ready to make "Night of the Living Dead." A.
Carrie (1976)- Before Stephen King became cliché there was Carrie. Written by King, directed by Brian DePalma, and starring Sissy Spacek, how could you go wrong? A high school girl is an outcast at school, considered weird her peers and a sinner by her religiously psychopathic mother; Carrie's rage burns into telekinetic power. Her full power is unleashed after a terrible joke is played on her at her prom. This is a classic suspenseful movie well acted and directed and it pulls the viewer right in, whether you were the high school bully or the victim of said bully, or somewhere in between, most can relate to this movie. A+
Castle of Blood (1964)- A skeptic reporter meets up with Edgar Allan Poe and disputes that his stories are based on fact. An acquaintance challenges the reporter to survive a night in his haunted castle, the bet is accepted, the reporter is warned that he will have to relive all the deaths that have taken place in the castle over the years, he goes anyway and of course, things don’t go as planned, or maybe they go exactly as planned depending on who’s side you’re on. Yeah, this is cheap early Euro-horror with very bad dubbing at times, but it does manage to create a really good atmosphere. If you like the haunted castle atmosphere then you’ll like this. B+
Cat People (1942)- Strange and original little flick. Not strictly horror I guess but not really anything else either. A man falls in love with a woman who emigrated from a country full of superstition. She is from a family with a strange curse. Kind of an odd play on the werewolf/Dr. Jeckyll Mr. Hyde theme. She wants to love him but is really too weird, or maybe it's something else. Despite its subject matter it is played out in a pretty believable way and has a modern feel to it by working in psychiatry instead of silver bullets. Great black and white cinematography too. B+.
Cathy’s Curse (1976)- Bizarre little Canadian film obviously cashing in on movies like "The Omen". One night a mother takes her son and leaves her husband, inexplicably leaving her daughter behind. When her husband gets home and finds his daughter alone in the house and his wife gone with their son he is furious. He heads out to find her, dragging his daughter along and berating women along the way. A fiery car crash kills them both. Jump ahead 20 years and the son who left with his mother is grown, with a daughter of his own, and moves back into the house where the story began. Anyway, we learn early on that his wife has suffered a nervous breakdown and is determined to give viewers one also with her terrible acting and whiny voice. Eventually their daughter finds an old doll that apparently belonged to her aunt (remember, she was killed in the car crash). She becomes possessed, I guess by her aunt or maybe by her uncle, they never really say, and more than a little pissed at women, apparently blaming her death on her mother rather than her drunk father. Rotten special effects, senseless dialogue, and terrible directing follow. I guess the mother, recovering from the nervous breakdown, is loosing touch with reality as she doesn’t seem all that surprised that her daughter can disappear and reappear and that the house itself shakes and moves, slams doors and windows, and locks and unlocks doors whenever she tries to get in or do something. The father is totally oblivious to everything that is going on. I put this in the ‘could’ve been good’ file. If they would’ve taken a more subtle approach (less telekinesis, less Casio keyboard music, less silly special effects, and more suspense, and approaching the story in a way that forced the viewer to decide whether that mother was in fact crazy or the daughter was in fact possessed), it could’ve possibly worked. Because it does, although rarely, generate some atmosphere I’ll give it a D-.
Cave, The (2005)- First take every cliché from the 'trapped and hunted' horror movie sub genre starting with 1951's "The Thing" to 2004's "Alien vs. Predator", then add a cast of Sears Catalogue models as some sort of dive team extreme sport enthusiast types and low and behold you have "The Cave". Apparently a scientist has discovered a huge cave under the Carpathian Mountains and needs help exploring. Who ya gonna call? Obviously the only people for the job are the previously mentioned American Sears Catalogue unprofessional, risk taking, extreme sport enthusiast types. Lord knows no one in Europe could possibly know what to do. Anyway, make unprofessional comments about eye candy female scientist, go down in cave and get angry and jealous about who gets to go where, get in a few alpha male fights to add tension and excitement, realize you are not alone, make references to the "top of the food chain", make bad decisions, etc. This movie has fairly good production values, the acting is OK except for a couple parts, but it is so predictable and generic that it is pretty worthless short of the ol' MST3K treatment, which it is ripe for. I'm not going to flunk it though since I did catch myself getting pulled into a couple suspenseful parts, brief though they were. D-.
Cemetery Man (1994)- This is one of those surreal movies that seems to take place in an alternate universe. The cemetery caretaker and his half wit helper always have to kill the dead folks who’ve been buried in the cemetery. They just always come back around 7 days after being buried, that’s just the way it is. He wants to complain to the government but there’s just too much paper work, and they don’t really want to hear about it anyway, especially in an election year. So the Cemetery Man and his side kick bury everyone twice, and live a lonely existence. Love interests come and go under even odder circumstances (especially for the assistant) and the line between living and dead blurs even more. This is a great camp ride, a must see for lovers of the bizarre and zombie film addicts. Well done and some great zombie effects (the Boy Scout zombies are awesome and the head zombie is classic!) too. A+
Changeling, The (1980)- George C. Scott has a good life, nice wife, smart, young daughter, and then tragedy strikes. Right before his eyes he sees them killed on a snowy highway. George tries to put it all behind him by moving to a new place in a massive old mansion that is on the local historical register. And then weird things begin to happen. Is it his deceased family? Or is there something sinister that happened in that old house? This is a really good ghost story. It's hard to come up with an original haunted house feature but it works really well here, from great acting and directing to nice twists. Always a favorite of mine. A.
Child’s Play (1988)- Classic 80s slasher with a twist. A criminal who has been studying black magic transmigrates into a doll when he’s sure the cops are closing in. The first half of the movie is about a kid who gets the doll, realizes the doll is a little more real than it should be, especially after it kills his aunt. Of course, no one believes him until they are confronted by the doll (in one of the greatest camp scenes ever filmed the lead detective meets Chuckie, the doll, while driving in his car). This movie isn’t scary in any sense of the word (but who didn’t as a child have one of those ‘creepy’ toys like Chuckie or the clown in "Poltergeist"?) but it plays well as a campy twist on the slasher genre, which was getting a little long in the tooth by ’88. Get past a little wooden acting, especially by the little kid, and you’ll like this one. A-.
Children, The (1980)- All I can say is this is law enforcement at work! This flick follows the trials and tribulations of a small town sheriff as he half-heartedly tries to solve the mystery of ‘where the kids went’. Or at least where 5 or 6 of them went. What we know but he doesn’t is that their school bus drove through a radioactive cloud caused by some seriously lazy half-wit nuclear power plant workers who didn’t want overtime. Said cloud causes the kids’ fingernails to turn black and makes them want to hug folks to death. Pretty much everyone in this flick is nasty and deserves to die from the sheriff who always acts like he’s in a big hurry but winds up just standing around, to the local lady doctor who is a complete bitch, and I guess her lesbian partner who is blind and spends her days apparently looped on pain meds. Then there’s the vanity couple who don’t care about their daughter but lift weights and sunbath nude while toking up. The deputy looks to be about 21 and he is dating a gal that might be 16 and she gets pissed when he has to do his job. And don't forget the poaching drunk rednecks the sheriff chooses to man his roadblock! Then the main couple who the sheriff ends up hanging out with are just hysterical dim-wits with the pregnant wife whining and losing control and the husband barking out orders and withholding what one might consider vital information. Can you tell this is one of those train-wrecks that I really liked? They do try pretty hard and there are a couple creepy late 70s-early 80s scenes but over all this thing is a hilarious romp through the craptacular. Be warned, it gets a tad slow near the end as you can’t help but think A) I know exactly how this is going to end and B) PLEASE JUST END ALREADY! Still, if you like ‘em bad then check this one out! A on the craptacular scale.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972)- With a title like that there really is no going wrong. Bob Clark wrote and directed this and went on to make "Black Christmas", "Porkey's", and "A Christmas Story" among others. This is a low budget offering to be sure but the cast and crew made due with what little they had and like Peter Jackson's early low budget work you realize that there's quality under the hood. The story is about a smart-assed theatre troop director who takes his smart-assed actors out to a burial island to dig up a grave and try out some black magic to see if it really works. The theatre director is a pompous ass and continually holds his position as the actors' boss and how hard it is to find work as an actor over the heads of his cast. At first they are willing to go along with his insanity and view it as a great gag but then things go too far, sadly, by then it's too late as an entire cemetery's worth of zombies are on the hunt. This is a black comedy in the vain of "The Evil Dead" which I think borrowed quite a bit from this movie. It's no masterpiece but if you like the stumbling Romero zombie vision (and this was riding on "Night's..." coat tales) then you'll probably like this. There's something about this movie that I liked even though I honestly can't quite put my finger on what it is. A-.
Christine (1983) - You probably already know the plot to this one. Boy is a geek with pushy parents, boy sees old car, boy buys old car, restores old car, become car’s best friend, car takes to destroying boy's tormentors, boy becomes cool, car goes too far. Strange tale to be sure, I never read the book but I’ve always liked the movie. It’s no masterpiece but John Carpenter directed and made the movie believable in an odd way. The acting and effects hold up pretty well too. B.
Church, The (1989)- Back in the day Teutonic Knights attack and kill everyone, men, women, children, and animals, in a village. They have reason to believe the villagers are possessed and worship Satan. They feel, after the massacre that the only way to contain the evil is to build a large cathedral over the hole containing the bodies of the villagers. Jump ahead to modern times and a new librarian at the now old gothic cathedral figures out the old church has something to hide. He wants the power or riches buried there so he removes the "Stone with 7 eyes" and unleashes the evil and everyone, from church workers to worshippers, to those touring the old cathedral, are overtaken by it. This movie moves along at a respectable pace and has some really good atmosphere, as well as some bad acting and unintentional laughs. It borrows heavily from John Carpenter’s "Prince of Darkness" and also tosses in elements of "Rosemary’s Baby" near the end. I was a little disappointed in this one as I expected a little more form it with Argento on board as producer/writer. (So were the Teutonic Knights right in killing the villagers? And exactly how does SPOILER ALERT collapsing the church contain the evil?) C+.
Circus of Horrors (1960)- Way over the top flick about a plastic surgeon who operates on a woman with disastrous results. He flees England for France to hide out and winds up running a circus where many performers seem to meet untimely demises! The police can’t prove anything but are watching the circus and when they tour England things go from bad to worse. Joan Crawford’s circus vehicle ‘Berserk’ is similar, and probably a little better, but this one is fun too. Insane over-acting, just watching the facial expressions is worth the price of admission alone, and a ridiculous plot make it work on that ‘just for fun’ level. If you like campy insanity this is for you, C+.
City of the Living Dead (1980)- The first in Fulci’s loosely tied together zombie trilogy (followed by "The Beyond" and "House by the Cemetery"), these zombies are some oddly powerful supernatural zombie ghost like things. Here we have the priest of a small town parish (probably not coincidentally called "Dunwich") who, by hanging himself in the cemetery, opens the gates of Hell. He, along with his victims, walk around town killing folks, either by causing them to regurgitate their innards, bleed from their eyes, or their apparent favorite, squeezing the brains from their heads. Although there are no stabbed, removed, or poked out eyes, we do get lots of close-ups of eyes and we also get a drill through the head. Most of the effects work pretty well, and while there isn’t exactly a great narrative story going on here, we do get some good Fulci atmosphere and gore. I like "The Beyond" a little better despite its obvious flaws, and neither measure up to "Zombi 2" but this one was still pretty good. C+
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)- Of course it’s scifi but I remember seeing this at the drive-in when I was knee high to a grass hopper and it scared the crap out of me, especially the part where the kid opens the door and everything is red outside. Anyway, after many folks in Indiana see some UFOs things for several people begin to change. The movie focuses on two, Richard Dreyfuss and his family and Melinda Dillon and her young son. They become obsessed with UFOs and a particular mountain looking form they can’t quite explain. After loosing his job and his family because of his behavior, Dreyfuss realizes what he is seeing is Devils Tower in Wyoming, where the government is evacuating everyone because of a nerve gas spill... or is that really why? Throughout much of the movie we aren’t really sure if these are invading aliens or if they are benevolent aliens and we never see much more than lights in the sky and strange electromagnetic interference with everything from kids’ toys, to cars, to electric stoves. Spielberg directed and it has much the same feel as his other movies around this time including "ET" and "Poltergeist" (which he produced). It was also an obvious influence on M. Night’s "Signs". Sure the movie feels a little dated now but it still works. B+
Cloverfield (2008)- You’ve probably heard this described as a cross between "The Blair Witch Project" and "Godzilla", and that’s not inaccurate. A couple is throwing a going way party for the guy’s brother. The first 15 minutes or so are spent getting ready for and attending the party, here we get to meet the players and develop some characters like the smartass Hud who is assigned to film the party and partygoers ‘goodbyes’. While sitting on the fire escape discussing whether or not the main character should go after the girl he loves they feel what they think is an earthquake. They flip on the news and a tanker has capsized near the Statue of Liberty, then all Hell literally breaks loose as buildings collapse, heads roll (sorry), and people run (lots of running). Turns out a giant monster is attacking Manhattan and is taking no prisoners. So we follow the small group of partygoers through Manhattan dealing with the monster, the military, and the monster's offspring as they try and make their way back to help a friend. This is one of those shaky handicam movies so if you hate that style then don’t bother, but if you can stomach that then you’re in for a ride. Great effects, pretty good acting, and just enough character development to keep it interesting. So what is this monster and where did it come from? Who cares? An angle like that would’ve never worked in a movie strictly about these folks quest to save a friend. And yeah it is short, but seriously, you wouldn’t want it to be any longer, and as for the end, I’ve read a lot of complaints, but I don’t see how it could’ve ended any better (yeah, in the end it is a love story taking place in what is probably a metaphor for a terrorist attack, take from that whatever you want as all movies like this, unless made by Ed Wood, are metaphors for something, and it’s still a great ride). I’m going to give this a very strong A.
Coffin Joe: At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964)- Surprisingly atmospheric little no-budget flick out of Brazil. Joe Coffin, or Ze, is the local mortician. He deliberately antagonizes the locals with his blatant disregard for their religion and traditions, eating meat on Good Friday, and forcing others to do the same, getting loaded in the local saloon, picking fights, and hitting on the ladies, he basically treats everyone like crap. He seems to have a pretty bad temper but it is never really explained if his powers are somehow supernatural, his contempt for such things makes it seem unlikely, he just must have really high blood pressure. But all he really wants is a son so his sterile wife has to be eliminated, as does his friend, if he wants his friend’s fiancé. Murder, suicide, and curses ensue until the procession of the dead shows up. This flick had to have been made for pretty much nothing yet it has a certain atmosphere and feel to it that seems to work and allows it to rise above some bad acting, terrible dubbing (the version I saw was subtitled but the voices still didn’t match up!), and insane effects at the end. If you’re not into low budget foreign efforts then steer clear, but if you like the bizarre cult horrors then this is a must see. A-
Coffin Joe: This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse (1967)- Part two in the Coffin Joe trilogy picks right up where part one left off. Joe has been attacked, but the villagers, for some unknown reason, save him and he’s then acquitted of his crimes due to a lack of evidence. Joe quickly resumes his old ways, this time with the help of hunchback Bruno, of trying to find the perfect woman to have the perfect child with. Joe knows the only real immortality is through our offspring. So how do you go about finding the perfect mate to breed with, well, you kidnap a bunch of women and then try and scare the crap out of them with spiders and snakes, the one that doesn’t get scared is the chosen one, the ones that do get scared, well they don’t get to live. So Joe sets about kidnapping, scaring, and torturing women, but before he finds his dream girl he is cursed. Joe is Nietzschean atheist so curses don’t scare him (despite what happened the last time he was cursed) and he finds, and impregnates, his perfect mate, and soon after he is dragged away to spend a night in Hell. This has all the atmosphere of part one with a slightly higher budget (or maybe it just looked that way) and a little surrealism thrown in. Joe’s trip into Hell is in color (the rest being in B&W) and feels like it was right out of Dante and despite the budget is a pretty effective set piece. Like part one this stuff ain’t for everybody but if you appreciate low budget foreign cult films then this is a must see. Although the story actually makes less sense than part one I will give it a slightly higher grade as I liked it a little more. A
Coffin Joe: Awakening the Beast (1970)- I tried to be open minded, seriously I did, and I do like the surrealistic... usually. But this one, Christ! Here we have a group of psychiatrists talking about the negative effects of drugs, we are shown those effects in snippets of the psychedelic experiences the drug users have, which usual amount to degrading women through sex, violence, and pissing in a pot, oh and being forced to listen to some terrible music and bad philosophy 101 essays. Eventually we get to the color segment where one psychiatrist is trying to show the effect of LSD, or maybe the effect of Coffin Joe movies, I was losing interest. Anyway, we wind up with an anti-establishment, evil-begets evil type of film. The strange thing about the Coffin Joe trilogy is José Mojica Marins, the writer, director, and star always seems to undermine his own philosophical stands by proving that what he is trying to prove is right in fact wrong. Check the trilogy out to see if you agree. Anyway, I have to admit I hated this one, I’ll give it a D- as some of the color sequences were interesting.
Colin (2008)- First off, this was done on a shoestring budget, so if you don’t like the shaky handicam, poor lighting, and often inaudible audio of these productions you might as well stop here! So, no it isn’t ‘well done’ in a big budget sense, but is it well done in a low budget sense? Sometimes. The plot here is taking a look at a zombie apocalypse from the zombie’s point of view, more or less. We follow Colin after he is bitten and becomes a zombie as he stumbles along aimlessly. Mainly what we discover right off is zombies wonder around, slowly, later we find people are idiots. Like a lot of flicks like this it is full of great ideas, shoddily executed. If you think about what is happening even a little you get confused (that is when you can see what is happening on the screen at all). Examples? Well, we get a couple thugs who are taking advantage of the zombies by stealing from them, they want Colin’s shoes. Naturally they take a blunt instrument to his head, crush his skull and steal his shoes right? No, the movie would’ve ended early. Instead they put him in a choke hold and try like mad to steal his shoes. Later we see the inside of a house completely full of zombies, I was at a loss as to what exactly was going on there but some folks were either fighting the zombies with various household utensils or they were trying to escape by hitting zombies with pots as they ran through hordes of them, after several of them are killed one of them runs upstairs, locks a bedroom door and escapes through a window, which left me wondering ‘why didn’t they all just do that right off?’ the next several minutes were too dark to quite figure out. We are cued in to the killing squads though (via newspaper clippings hung by Colin’s mother) and we hear gunfire in the distance throughout, but when a killing squad shows up they are wielding golf clubs and slingshots, poorly equipped to say the least! Had a little more thought and a little better lighting been put into this it could’ve worked really well, as it stands I’ll give it a C-, nice try, better than I could do, but that doesn’t mean it goes down all that well, pun intended.
Color Me Blood Red (1965)- The third installment in Herschel Gordon Lewis’ ‘Blood Trilogy’ (Blood Feast and 2000 Maniacs being the first two) finds an artist who hates being criticized and when a famous art critic tells him his use of color is lacking he goes kind of bonkers. When his girlfriend cuts herself on a nail and gets blood on his canvas he has an idea, paint with his blood, but he can only loose so much before passing out. Where to find fresh blood? Like the first two in the ‘Blood Trilogy’ (trilogy is used loosely, these movies have nothing to actually do with one another) this is LOW budget, poorly directed, and badly acted. The dialogue alone will have you wanting to punch a wall, let alone the terrible ‘water-bike’ things! But horror historians and movie buffs should see the entire blood trilogy as this is really where the gore and depravity more or less began. Yeah, there were movies which came before that had a little of one or the other but these movies tied it all together in a terrible package! This is the worst of the 3 flicks though and is really just a bad retelling of Corman’s ‘Bucket of Blood’. I’ll give it an A- on the craptacular scale.
Comedy of Terrors (1963)- A very fitting name! Here we have some of the greatest horror movie actors ever (Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone), one of the great directors (Jacques Tourneur) and one of the greatest horror writers ever (Richard Matheson) all coming together for this horror/comedy about a funeral parlor owner who is falling on hard times and needs some new ‘customers’. There is plenty of scenery chewing over-the-top, 110% or nothing acting and writing going on, all of which is completely spoiled by ‘zaniness’. This falls pretty quickly into piss-poor sound effects, fast motion, and 3 Stooges slapstick (which had to even feel dated in 1963), and well, pretty much sucks because of that. Seriously, I hated this, just not my cup of tea, F.
Company of Wolves, The (1984)- A modern retelling of the Little Red Riding Hood tale complete with werewolves and dangerous woods. A girl who is just hitting puberty is told tales about how men are basically animals by her grandmother. Her mother tells her otherwise so she is not sure who to believe. All she knows is she must not stray from the path. Yes, this is chock FULL of Freudian symbolism representing sex, growth, loss of innocence, etc. And it plays like a fairy tale pretty much throughout, basically being the dream of a girl who is afraid of getting older. It is probably more fantasy than horror, but the werewolf transformation scenes are some of the best and there are tense moments and a sense of dread as everyone in the village fears the wolves and the approach of winter. Some may see an ‘anti-male’ bias to the film (the book it was based on was written by a woman who rewrote fairy tales from a feminist point of view), but the father, neighbor, and neighbor’s son are good people, and it is the men who end up protecting the village. I think the gist is some men (and some women) are just bad and while all of us have animal like impulses, some control them better than others. Maybe I’m wrong. I liked this movie quite a bit. I do understand the arguments against it (senseless, too symbolic, hard to follow) but if you keep in mind it is a dream, a fantasy, and approach it as such then the surreal nature makes sense. I’ll give it an A.
Condemned To Live (1935)- Surprisingly decent old school "Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde mixed with a vampire" flick. A pregnant woman, hiding out in a cave from African Voodoo practitioners is bitten by a vampire bat, sealing the fate of her unborn child. Forty years on and her son has grown to be a professor and doctor and is known throughout his community as a generous and charitable man, thought of by the locals as a saint. Lately, in this community people have been getting murdered, having their throats bitten and drained of blood and their bodies deposited in a cave. It is the good doctor (we know this early on) succumbing, because of the stress of his impending marriage and his overwork, to his ‘dark side’, which is not so subtly conveyed by the fact he only turns into a vampire when he is in darkness. This one never won any awards, and it wouldn’t deserve them if it had, but it’s still a good enough hour long flick if you like ‘em old school. B-.
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)- For me, The Planet of the Apes franchise is a roller coaster ride. I really liked the first one, hated the second, liked the third, and well, this one isn’t as bad as the second but leaves quite a bit to be desired. Most of the problems stem from the low budget though and those are forgivable, mainly the lame battle scenes, which last forever. One of the things I liked about the first film was it avoided that ‘60’s sci-fi’ feel. The second film was nothing but ‘60’s sci-fi’ feel. The third film recovered and impressed by not going with the stereotypical characters, the fourth was nothing but stereotypical characters. The evil governor and his torture happy henchmen, the ape control officers who’s uniforms look remarkably like Nazi uniforms, the sympathetic black man who had ancestors who were slaves, the rich people who mistreat the apes. There is no doubt at all who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. And just exactly how did Caesar teach those apes how to fight so quickly? Anyway, this film picks up about 20 years after "Escape..." Caesar is visiting the city with the circus owner from the last film. He is seeing how apes are treated and not digging it. He accidentally talks and gets Ricardo in trouble but he escapes. Revolution (somehow) ensues. This isn’t a bad film, I like the idea and the writing is OK, it is just made on the cheap and paints such an obvious black and white picture. Plus, you need to do more than the usual ‘suspending of belief’. C+
Constantine (2005)- I had heard this movie was really bad so wasn't interested in seeing it but Jenny's uncle bought it and let us borrow it so it was a free viewing. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Keep in mind it is based on a comic book and you'll understand what I mean. It is basically "Men In Black" only with demons instead of aliens and without the Fresh Prince. It was too long and the end was a let down but I didn't hate it. C.
Coraline (2009)- Fun fantasy/horror aimed at the 12 year olds but if you like stuff like "A Nightmare Before Christmas" or "Corpse Bride" then you’ll probably like this. It was filmed in 3D and it looks really good too. It is the story of Coraline, a girl who is ignored by her parents and at that age where the whole world is against her. She finds a hidden world locked away in her new house, and it is a great place, or so it looks. She soon realizes all is not what it seems and her ‘new mom’ wants Coraline’s love... and her soul, her ‘old’ world is beginning to look better. Yeah, it’s kid’s stuff but I like breaking it up with flicks like this sometimes. A.
Corpse Bride, The (2005)- Animated Goth horror from Tim Burton. His "A Nightmare Before Christmas" is a masterpiece so "Corpse Bride" has a long way to go to measure up and of course it doesn't quite get there. Still, in context it is a great little flick. The story? A boy and girl are unhappy with the idea of their arranged marriage until they actually meet and then they realize they may be made for one another. The boy is too nervous at the rehearsal though and goes to practice his vows in the woods, where he accidentally marries a dead woman. She takes him 'home' and things become complicated for them both. The voices and characters are perfect for an animated feature as is the length. The songs aren't as good as "A Nightmare..." but everything can't be perfect. A-.
Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)- Count Dracula in modern (well almost modern) LA. I could probably just end the review right there. Some hipsters decide to have a séance for their friend’s mother who recently passed away, things get weird and the medium, a strange Count from Bulgaria, needs a ride home in someone’s awesome VW micro-bus. After dropping the Count off the VW gets stuck in a strange patch of mud, being too heavy to push out I guess, the hipsters stay the night in the van, but hipster girl winds up with anemia and two puncture wounds. So on and so forth; seriously this is so predictable I probably don’t need to go on. Never the less, despite being more of the same it is pretty well executed, yeah it is dated and the hipsters were obviously not hip even when this was made but it is a nice snapshot of vampire horror circa early 70s (although Hammer it ain’t) and has some effective bits, I’ll give it a B.
Countess Dracula, The (1971)- An old countess is widowed and accidentally discovers that if she gets a virgin’s blood on her she will suddenly look a lot younger. So she needs some dead virgins, of course each time the effect wears off she looks worse and needs more blood. An allegory for drug addiction anyone? Or maybe an allegory for aging gracefully, either way this is a pretty good late entry into the Hammer Horror Pantheon. B
Crazies, The (1973)- Romero's 3rd film it delves a little deeper into themes he had touched on in "Night of the Living Dead". Where that is about a society of consumers and isolation, this is about mistrust in the military and the government. A government plane carrying a man made biological weapon (a virus) crashes near a small Pennsylvania town and leaks the weapon into the water supply. The town is quarantined by the military and misinformation, lack of preparation, and general disarray cause a black comedy of errors that all but ensures the spread of the virus, which effects different people in different ways, causing some to act 'high' and some to become very violent. It is a typical Romero film with a cast of no names, some of which are really good and some, well, not so good, fairly shoddy editing and camera work, which isn't a bad thing in Romero's case and makes for a better film (I think he has been a huge influence on the look and feel of horror movies today with the over exposed and shaky shots, which now often seem forced but in Romero's hands give the film an edgy documentary feel). This is a good movie with an obvious and still very relevant message but it doesn't hold up, in my opinion, to Romero's Dead films. For me it just doesn't quite capture that elusive 'atmosphere' many of his other films capture. B-
Crazies, The (2010)- Remake of the Romero cult classic about a military plane carrying a bio-engineered virus that crashes near a small town and then leaks said virus into the local water supply. Townsfolk start acting a little strange, even violent, and the local sheriff takes it upon himself to figure things out, even after the military shows up and quarantines the whole town in a poorly executed attempt at containing the virus. This is pretty much a standard plot nowadays and this has nothing new to offer the genre at all. Pretty much stereotypical characters (hero small town sheriff, fat rich mayor who won’t listen, distant faceless government that doesn’t care about the locals, out of control rednecks who will very obviously cause problems later, people who do stupid stuff like sitting in a brightly lit truck stop when the quarantine is on and folks have all gone bananas) still, it works. If you want fresh and original then steer clear but if you don’t mind the retelling of a familiar tale then jump on in. The characters are interesting, shallow yes, smart no, but you still find yourself rooting for them. The action is well paced and there are plenty of suspenseful well filmed segments, and a fair amount of violence and gore (although not over the top) for those of you that like that tossed in for good measure. So was it better than Romero’s? Well, as seems to often be the case, Romero I think was just better at getting his point across with regard to his social agenda than the remakers tend to be, so in that vein his is better, however this has the budget to ‘feel’ more real, where Romero’s suffered a little as his vision outpaced his budget I think. Also, how come in these movies the infected never attack each other, only those not infected and how do they know? I’ll give this a strong B+, points for suspense and feel, points taken away for a total lack of originality.
Creature from The Black Lagoon (1954)- Some bad acting, dated, crazy music, and silly plot lines almost doom this one. Almost. The underwater scenes are brilliantly filmed and the "Creature Suit" is very impressive considering the times. On an expedition in the Amazon Jungle an archeologist finds a fossilized hand of some sort of amphibian. With the help of a greedy scientist (which in the 50s replaced the 'Mad Scientist') the archeologist puts together an expedition into the jungle to find the rest of the fossilized remains. Of course what they find is no fossil. The female role in this one starts out like she might be as smart as the men but then winds up being eye candy that just screams a lot. Why did women scream a lot back in the day? Instead of saying "Hey look! He's over here quick!!" She'd just cover her mouth and say "AHaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" She also goes for a dip in the Amazon, you know, with the piranha, alligators, electric eels, water snakes, etc. One shot across the boat shows each man with a gun, and the physically weakest of the crew, the woman, without one. Ah sexism back in the day. It don't get no better'n that. All flaws aside this is a classic. B.
Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)- How did Corman actually pull off halfway decent flicks with absolutely no budget? This goofy little spoof plays out like one of those "Airplane!" movies with over the top comedy mixed with a subtle wit. The plot is about a gangster hired by Cuban refugees during the Cuban Revolution to get gold out of their country. He plans on killing the Cubans and blaming it on a legendary monster that lives in the ocean, and then he’ll keep the gold. Of course it turns out the monster is real. The characters are insanely over the top as is the dialogue, but it works as a complete spoof of all things monster-gangster-spy. It gets a little tedious near the halfway point and even at 75 minutes is a little too long. Despite that I’ll give it a B but keep in mind this is low budget comedy schlock.
Creature Walks Among Us, The (1956)- After "Revenge of the Creature" I was ready to give up on the franchise but since there was only one more made I thought I'd give it a chance. It turned out to be much better than the sequel and maybe even better than the first. To make a long story short another Creature, or maybe it's the same immortal Creature, I don't know, is captured and experimented on. A scientist wants to make the Creature human and proves the Creature almost is human and can be changed. Silly non-scientific explanations as to why this could work are held to a minimum, and there is a little actual character development. The scientist is older than his eye candy wife and is jealous of her and over protective of her. This whole plot works nicely and kept me interested (is it actually a racist statement being made here?). In the end all Hell beaks loose. Good directing, acting, and actually well written. B+.
Creepshow (1982)- A classic pairing of Stephen King and George Romero that works. King is a fan of the old horror comics from back in the day and Romero has the perfect black humor camp meets horror style to direct and it works, bringing to the screen in omnibus movie form the feel of those classic comics without going totally overboard like Tales From The Crypt was apt to do. The stories: In "Father's Day" an old man who really wanted a cake for father’s Day and got murdered instead, comes back for his cake many years later, and he gets the cake too. Although not much really happens it is good to see Romero able to kick the flick off with a zombie tale! B+. In "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill" Stephen King plays a country bumpkin who finds a meteorite on his property, dreams of getting rich selling it to the university soon turn bleak as a green moss starts growing and spreading from anywhere the meteorite has been, and I mean anywhere. Great FX in this one with the day glow grassy moss growing everywhere, but King’s performance is a little too campy, but considering the material it passes. C+. In "Something to Tide You Over" a filthy rich Leslie Nielson isn’t about to let his wife leave him for Ted Danson so he buries the couple up to their necks in the sand on his beach and waits for the tide to do them in. Great suspense, acting, and directing on this one, and of course, water logged zombies soon show up. Predictable but as Hell but it is still a classic very well done. A-. In "The Crate" a janitor finds an old crate under the stairs at a university and calls the professor to check it out, one thing leads to another and it turns out there is a living monster inside the crate. Maybe the professor’s best friend could help him out, and could also use the monster to help him with his horribly obnoxious wife. A really good segment with great effects and a great mix of horror and camp to boot, kind of ‘Lovecraftian’ in feel.. A. And in "They're Creeping Up On You" an old Mr. Scrooge business man type is obsessed with cleanliness, especially when it comes to bugs, specifically roaches, and the roaches decide they don’t like him either. A classic and perfect closer to the omnibus, genuinely creepy and well done. A+. Final grade is a strong A.
Creeper (1977)- Although technically released prior to the slasher flick cycle this one more or less falls in that category. A group of doctors head out into the Canadian wilderness for a week long vacation, things seem to be going fine until they realize someone as stolen their boots. It’s all down hill from there as the doctors are picked off one by one in increasingly disturbing ways. Not graphic and low budget, this movie does create some great suspense and is well acted and directed. There are some plot holes but I’ll leave that to you so as not to reveal too much. A-.
Creepers (1984)- Let me get this plot laid out. The daughter of a famous actor transfers to an all girls' school in the Swiss Alps. Several months prior there had been a brutal unsolved murder. We learn early on that a bee has never stung her. Her first night at the school she sleepwalks and while asleep 'witnesses' another brutal murder. She winds up at the kindly old entomologists house. He's wheel chair bound but has a chimpanzee for a 'nurse'. He is amazed at the girl's odd relationship with his collection of insects and teaches her how to wake herself up while sleepwalking. The next night her roommate sneaks out (no one seems overly concerned that there is a serial killer preying on the girls). Again the main character begins sleepwalking but wakes herself up before going outside. She ends up outside though to find her roommate has been killed. A firefly (we call them lightnin'bugs in these here parts) leads her to a glove the killer wore.(?) She takes the glove to the kindly entomologist and explains how she found it. He comes to the conclusion she can communicate telepathically with insects. (?) To prove this, and to find the killer, he gives her a 'sarcophagus fly' and tells her it will lead her to the killer. Instead it leads her to the house where the killer used to live. Close but no cigar. The girl decides she wants out of this school, especially since the other girls have found out she thinks she can communicate with insects so they start ripping on her. She contacts her father's agent and begs him to get her out of there. This leads us to a pretty intense and insane conclusion where the killer is revealed, a couple times, and all Hell breaks lose. This is typical Dario Argento fair. Young girl in isolated situation, killers, odd behavior, and a need to suspend all belief and never ask 'why' or 'what', and also lots of heads going through plate glass windows in slow motion. Despite the insane plot and huge plot holes this movie is pretty good. It is well-acted and well directed, 'artsy' enough to be interesting but not so 'artsy' you lose what's going on. A-
Crimes at the Dark House (1940)- Tod Slaughter laughs his way through quite a few murders in this adaptation of "The Lady in White". First he kills off a guy while prospecting in Australia, Tod returns to England to assume the dead guy’s identity because he is filthy rich, but, it turns out, he isn’t rich at all and now Tod has to try and marry the local rich gal who is being taken care of by her hypochondriac uncle, while he also juggles hooking up with one of the maids. Leering, maniacal laughter, dastardly deeds, and really bad plans follow. I really dug this one. It is insanely over the top moustache twirling mayhem melodrama at its best. If you like this goofy crap then this is a must see and maybe one of Tod’s best, if you hate 40s camp killers then you will REALLY hate this. I think I will give this an A+ on the craptacular scale. It really isn’t ‘so bad its good’, just so campy its good.
Crimes of Stephen Hawke, The (1936)- Good old Tod Slaughter, breaking spines with his bare hands. We start out with Tod casing a huge mansion and deciding, maybe for practice, to kill off a little boy who lives there. Shocking stuff in 1936. We then find out that by day Tod is Stephen Hawke, a nice old money lender and local business man. But he really got rich by cracking spines and stealing jewels, which he continues to do, in what seems like a really bad plan when he does it at a party he was hosting. Deaths pile up, Stephen runs away, but he must return to the scene of the crime to keep his lovely adopted daughter from being blackmailed into marriage because of who he is, an odd touch of sympathy for Mr. Slaughter. Tod was somewhat of a legend in British theatre, always playing ruthless murderers and seemingly taking maybe too much pleasure in his rolls! He solidified his film casting with his portrayal of Sweeney Todd. This one is pretty creaky and definitely shows its age, and with most Slaughter movies, is really just a filmed stage play, complete with a very bizarre radio program intro that is so dated it was actually painful for me. So, if you like over the top salty ham chucks with your ancient serial killer flicks, then this is for you, just skip the first 5 minutes! I’ll give this an A- on the craptacular scale, check out "Crimes at the Dark House" to really see Tod at his batshit best.
Crimson Cult, The (1968)- Tigon tried to clone Hammer’s formula and comes close in this groovy 60s witchcraft, psychedelic, orgy, partying piece of nostalgia. Ahh, the 60s, they must have been fun, as long as you stayed away from Satanism and witchcraft! Christopher Lee plays his part straight as an arrow as the descendent of a witch burned at the stake, when antique dealer brothers show up in town, and Lee finds out they are the descendants of the judges who burned his ancestor, pay they must. Toss in witch expert Boris Karloff, who adds a little needed camp, and this turns out to be a pretty good one, despite the weak ending. Masterpiece? Not even close! But if you like the British 60s era horror then this is a good representative. B-.
Crow, The (1994)- Although the plot of this one is very unoriginal (a man and his girlfriend are killed for trying to stop a slum lord from forcing people to move, the man comes back from the grave to exact revenge on the slum lord/gangster and his henchmen), the execution of said plot is very original and well done. This is a great, atmospheric flick about love, loss, karma, and death. I always wonder in flicks like this though why those killed by the avenging ghost don’t get any revenge; I guess that’s where the karma part comes in. Anyway, the acting, directing, and over-all look of this one are great, full of dark wet streets, tweaker criminals, and a ghost out for revenge. Sadly, Brandon Lee (The Crow) was killed while filming this one (and in what seems to me an odd bit of irony, Heath Ledger’s Joker in "The Dark Knight" is very reminiscent of Brandon Lee’s Crow character, and Ledger also died while filming "The Dark Knight", although under very different circumstances). I would give this an A+ but some of the rock guitar bits are starting to feel a little dated, still it deserves a very strong A.
Crucible of Horror (1970)- Atmosphere! This has it. An almost repressive feeling of being trapped in a nightmare permeates this whole movie, and when the instigator of the trapped feeling is removed, it gets even worse. Walter is a perfect English gentleman. Outside his house; inside his house he is a sadistic obsessive compulsive who has an unhealthy like for whipping his 16 year old and feeling her bicycle seat. The darker aspects of his doing are only hinted at, but we know no matter how much he washes his hands he can’t wash those sins away. After one particularly bad beating mother and daughter decide to do away with Walter. They plan it out to look like a suicide, things seem to go as planned, but with enough guilt to go around, everyone in this flick, with maybe the exception of odd brother Rupert, who seems to enjoy the sadism from a distance, are trapped in their own shared Hell. This one verges on too artsy at times, with odd dream sequences, lightning fast flashbacks, and an ending that leaves way more questions than answers, but this time out it worked for me. Some will call this slow, yes it is slow, but in a Hitchcock suspense building way, which I like, not in a ‘let’s get on with it’ way, in my opinion. I’m going to give this a very strong A, it definitely ain’t for everybody but if you like the weird atmospheric British horror flicks of the late 60s early 70s then you will like this one.
Cry of the Werewolf (1944)- Low budget werewolf flick about a gypsy princess who inherited her mother’s curse of turning into a werewolf. A museum curator is hot on the trail of finding her mother’s grave, whose location is apparently a local legend, and she’s willing to kill to keep it a legend. The curator is killed, his assistant driven mad, tough guy cops show up along with the curator’s son who is in love with his adopted sister (?) and secret tunnels, moving walls, and bad acting follow. Over all it isn’t a bad idea, but it just isn’t executed very well with crummy FX and cardboard acting. File under ‘almost was’. C-.
Crypt of the Living Dead (1973)- Much maligned Spanish vampire flick about a man who goes to a small fishing village on an isolated island to recover the body of his father, who died under some mysterious circumstances. The father died while investigating vampirism as the island was once known as Vampire Island and legend has it was populated by nothing but vampires until they were killed off around the time of the crusades. The vampire queen is buried in a tomb and the man’s father is lying smashed under her incredibly heavy tomb. He convinces the locals to help him get his father out but what they don’t bargain for is the opening of the tomb itself. Of course, the queen of the vampires is perfectly preserved. The downside is we know, right form the start, that the man’s friend was to blame for his father’s death so the ending comes as no surprise at all. That pretty much sums up this one, lots of potential but little payoff. Still, I liked it and felt despite the low budget, bad sound, and dark transfer (I’ve read this one was actually filmed in color but mine is in black and white), and bad dialogue that the movie was able to create some atmosphere and had some cool images. File under damn near good. C+
Curse of Frankenstein, The (1957)- Hammer's first foray into horror and already they got it right. Peter Cushing is the overly ambitious Victor Frankenstein who inherits a fortune at a young age and hires a tutor who eventually becomes his lab assistant. They dabble in resurrecting the dead and then come across a way to make it work. And of course, Frankenstein goes too far and Christopher Lee as the Monster is created. Ego, edginess, science, and insanity are explored in this effective rewrite of the story. Hammer also set the standard for use of color, great sets, costumes, directing, writing, and acting in horror movies with this flick. If you like the Frankenstein story and dig Hammer films and haven't seen this one then it is a must see. Plain great old school story telling. A+.
Curse of the Cat People (1944): This isn't really a horror movie per se but was a sequel to "The Cat People". Val Lewton was kind of tired RKO handing him "audience tested titles" so he went off on his own with this little tale of a girl with an over active imagination... or is it just her imagination? Yeah, it probably is. It's also adults trying to crush that imagination out of her and make her like everybody else. Interesting for its themes of imagination and conformism. Nicely paced well-directed story. Not scary in the literal sense but pretty good stuff. B+.
Curse of the Demon (1958)- So is demonology real, or a figment of over active imaginations? And if it is real, how does it work? Skeptics run across what appears to be 'the real thing' with regards to someone who conjures demons, hexes, and magic in general. This is a gem of a little atmospheric horror tale, if you ignore the rotten demon sequences, which apparently director Jacques Tourneur didn't want to add, but the producers insisted upon adding. It was after all the monster movie rage of the 50s. Still, this is a nicely paced, well-acted little tale. A.
Curse of the Devil (1973)- Paul Naschy is at it again, this time a family curse put on his ancestors turns him into a werewolf. Apparently his ancestors killed off a coven of Satan worshipping witches so they cursed his family and their descendents (actually they only cursed one of his descendents in a somewhat random fashion), a group of foxy hot gypsies, makes sure the curse goes down. It is an extremely complicated curse that I didn’t quite get and it seemed like a very bizarre way to get back at the people who executed you but whatever. This is typical EuroTrash, completely illogical and lots of sex scenes with busty gals that strive for a little controversy, or maybe they are just there to break up the boredom. If you trimmed down the sex scenes and the scenes of people walking around and looking at each other this flick would’ve only been about 45 minutes long, throw in some sex and some walking around and you have 90 minutes of TERROR! Well, not quite. For Paul Naschy fans or Spanish werewolf film completists only. F
Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964)- Hammer revisits the mummy legend, this time without Cushing or Lee. It’s basically the same story as pretty much every other mummy story, Egyptologists find a tomb, disturb it, are cursed, die at the hands of a mummy. This time out an American is funding the research. Once the tomb is found he plans on taking the artifacts out on tour with his circus, which doesn’t sit too well with the Egyptians, or the archeologists either. Of course we know that the mummy won’t be having any of that anyway. The twist at the end was a nice change in the story, even though you’ll know pretty early on who the ‘bad guy’ is. This wasn’t a bad entry in the Hammer cycle, a little slow starting and the mummy makeup was effective, but I still kept feeling like I’d seen it all before, which I more or less had since all mummy movies are more or less the same. C
Curse of the Swamp Creature, The (1966)- Let me see if I can explain this one. An oil man is staying in a small southern town waiting for a geologist to show up to look for oil in the swamp. While drinking at a bar the locals try and rip him off, he gets wise and they kill him. One of the locals then poses as the dead man’s wife so she can go into the swamps looking for oil with the geologist. All the while a mad scientist is trying to create some sort of manimal that can survive in the swamp more easily… or something like that. His experiments continue to fail and he continues to feed the alligators in his swimming pool/swamp but a local cult is putting a hex on him, I think. So finally at the very end pretty much everyone that deserves it, gets theirs, and the swamp creature shows up for a minute or two. This thing is a trainwreck if there ever was one. If I made a list of absolute worst movies this would be near the top (or would that be bottom?). Which is why it gets a B+ on the craptacular scale, yes, it is hilariously bad, the mismatching stock footage alone is worth a viewing, let alone the insane plot and terrible dialogue.
Curse of the Werewolf (1961)- Hammer was so incredibly original in their early days and was always able to put a good spin on an old story. After success with the Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Mummy stories they went after the werewolf and again it worked out very well for them. A beggar while in prison rapes a young woman. A local couple adopts her son and the rage left in him from his dark past has a strange way of venting itself, especially after he falls for a woman he really shouldn't be chasing. These earlier Hammer vehicles don't feel so much like "Horror Movies" as "Movies about Horror". The story always comes first, something many studios (as well as Hammer) soon forgot. This is a great period piece with an original story (based on the book "A Werewolf in Paris" but Hammer had some Spanish sets left from another movie so moved the local). A.
Cursed (2005)- This flick is basically just a rehash of plots, all mashed together. A heaping helping of "The Lost Boys", with a nice amount of "An American Werewolf In London", add equal parts "Silver Bullet" and "Fright Night" and you have this plot pretty much figured out. Still, I liked it. No it's far from original, and very predictable, but it just reminded me of the 80s and sneaking into the theatre to see the above mentioned horror flicks. So what's it about? A brother and sister get in an accident in the Hollywood Hills and are attacked by a 'wolf'. Now they are showing signs of becoming wolves themselves. Who's behind it all? Will the geeky brother like the effects of becoming a werewolf too much to let it go? Predictable, unoriginal, and I liked it. B.
Dagon (2001)- This Lovecraft tale is about a couple who find themselves stuck on a sail boat in a storm, the boat hits rocks so they head for shore to get help. They don’t find any help on shore, instead they find some half human half fish creatures who want very badly to capture and or kill them. A local who hasn’t succumbed to the fish changing disease, but has taken to quite a bit of drinking, tells them the story of how this came to be. It was a fishing village that had fallen on bad times, when a sailor told them about worshipping the god Dagon things would get better, so they did, and things did, and now, well, I’m not sure if this is better or not. The first half of the movie is basically a long (too long) chase scene; the second half becomes kind of an insane monster riddled alternate reality, not unlike a Lovecraft story! Over-all it is pretty well done, some parts campy, some pretty atmospherically scary, and some downright gory. There was obviously not much of a budget to work with, but they are able to make due with what’s available. I’ll give it a B.
Dance of the Dead (2008)- Zomedy about a really really bad prom night. Yeah, it is as goofy as it sounds and is at times typical B-grade stuff. Having said that I liked it, I guess because I knew what to expect going in, which was nothing. The high school stereotypes are everywhere, the bully, the nerds, the comedian, the cheerleaders, the class president and vice president, the date rapist, etc.etc.et al and they are played to camp hilt. ‘Shaun of the Dead’ or ‘An American Werewolf in London’ it ain’t! But a goofy high school prom flick with zombies it is. B
Dark Fields (2004)- This is a painfully bad, painfully unoriginal "teens stalked by a killer" flick. A group of incredibly annoying bad actors run out of gas in the middle of no where, well not really no where, they are at some old farm, they look for gas, walk around, whine and complain, and get killed off. The action packed chase scene ending is seriously just so ridiculously bad that it is hilarious. A must see for connoisseurs of the terrible, all others stay far away. A+ on the craptacular scale.
Dark Ride (2006)- Here is one generic and predictable slasher flick. Was this made in the 80s or in the 2000s? A group of college kids are driving to New Orleans for Spring Break. There is some sexual tension between some of the guys and girls, and there is the nice guy, geeky guy, and annoying guy. The girls are typical but we get a hitchhiker to play the slut a little later in their trip. Anyway they stop along the way at a ‘dark ride’ that had been recently reopened (it had been closed in the 80s after a series of murders that took place in it). Take a wild guess what happens next. The twist ending actually was very predictable. Now having more or less ripped on the flick I have to tell you I really didn’t mind it that much. It was just fluff but it did have a good atmosphere in the ‘dark ride’ locals, and the killer was pretty effective. All things being equal I’ll give this a strong C+.
Dark Water (2002)- The original Japanese version ‘feels’ a little better I think than the American remake. It is still pretty derivative obvious comparisons to "The Ring" (same director) aside it still feels a lot like "The Changeling" as well. Still, if you are looking for a slow paced, slow building ghost story with no gore and no ‘gotcha’ scares then this is for you, if you want some action, or a faster paced scare-fest then you will hate this. The story revolves around a young woman who is going through a divorce and a custody battle for her 6 year old daughter. Her husband is pulling out all the stops to get custody, and we find out the woman has needed psychiatric help in the past. When she moves into a run down apartment things begin to really break down for her. She has the pressure of the divorce, the custody battle, trying to find a job, taking care of a 6 year old, dealing with the run down apartment and uncaring apartment manager, all piling up on her already fragile psyche when she starts noticing things that may or may not be there. Is she loosing her mind or is this place haunted by a missing girl? Like I mentioned this is a ghost story, with all the full on slow pace and out of focus background shots that accompany a story like this. There is no ‘devouring’ room or collapsing houses a la "Poltergeist" or jump out of your seat scares like "The Grudge" or mutilated bodies etc. This one gets put in with "The Haunting" and as mentioned "The Changeling". If you like those types of movies you will like this one. A
Dark Water (2005)- This is a pretty effective story despite it borrowing heavily from several other movies, mainly "The Changeling", "The Grudge", and "The Ring". So there's nothing original here but the acting and deliberately slow/suspenseful pace work pretty well. A woman going through a divorce and possible custody battle for her young daughter moves into a crappy old apartment building. It's all she can afford but it is by a good school so it seems like it might work out. Of course it doesn't as strange things begin to happen. Is the lady crazy? Is it the punk thrashers that live in the building? Is it? Anyway, it's a good enough ghost story to get a passing grade but loses points in the originality department. B-
Darkness (2004)- A family moves to Spain (where the father lived when he was young) and moves into a weird old house. The father begins having relapses of a mental disorder he had suffered from years before. At the same time weird things begin to happen in the house. The couple's young boy begins seeing children in his room and begins having bruises show up on his face and the standard electrical and sound issues come about. Soon all Hell breaks lose and we're let in on a strange secret. The movie was OK. I kind of saw the twist coming because they drop some pretty obvious hints along the way. I don't know, the shaky camera, now it's there now it's not directing is getting a little old. Time to find a new way to film 'ghosts'. Still, there were some effective parts despite a flimsy plot and not too good acting. C.
Darkness Falls (2003)- The Tooth Fairy is killing kids when it's dark. Sort of. I guess. One kid survived his fate into adulthood and now might be crazy or not. I don't know. I hated this movie. What we need is a really bright light! Like a lighthouse. Yeah, that's it! Dumb stuff. F.
Day The Earth Stood Still, The (1950)- Yeah it's more sci-fi, but again, aliens threatening to destroy the earth are scary. This movie is truly a classic that I still dig, despite it's obvious dated looks and flaws. A flying saucer lands in Washington DC and the pilot gets away, leaving a big ass robot to guard the ship. He goes around and learns about humans, war, etc. from a little kid. The irony. Anyway, eventually the military finds him and shoots him dead in the street and the big extremely slow robot wants to take revenge. Without giving too much away, it turns out alien races are pissed off at humans for using nuclear power for weapons rather than peaceful power. They want people to know they won't hesitate to destroy the earth if we threaten any of them. This movie is full of what would become 50s sci-fi clichés and some 50s silliness too, but they weren't cliches yet. I like it and feel it is a classic worth an A.
Daybreakers (2009)- Kind of a flip-flop of Romero’s ‘Dawn of the Dead’ but with vampires instead of zombies. The vampires have taken over society and hunt humans for their blood supply. Supplies are running out and if the vampires don’t get a steady supply they become basically giant hideous vampire bat like things. As supplies dwindle, more and more of them turn, as a huge corporation tries, so far in vain, to get a blood substitute. Their top researcher is sympathetic to the plight of the humans and by accident runs into a group of them who think they have a cure for vampirism, but do the vampires want to be cured? It is chock full of metaphors for greed, uncontrolled capitalism, degradation of society, denigration of the poor, etc etc. It works at times on many levels, falls flat at other times, becoming unintentionally funny and pretty predictable as well. Everyone is taking the material very seriously, which is probably the best way to approach it, but at times it just doesn’t hold up so well. I can’t point the finger at anything specifically (the acting is good, the directing OK, the story is good, the feel works for the most part), I just couldn’t get into it too much. I think they allowed the good vs. bad to be so obvious and tried too hard to be both horror and action adventure and fell a little short at both. C+.
Dawn of the Dead (1978)- Romero's follow up to "Night of the. Living Dead". Sometime has passed since the problems with the living dead began. Inner cities are becoming unlivable. Some members of a SWAT team, after a botched raid, decide to get out of town. They hook up with a reporter and a news helicopter pilot and fly off to safety, but little safety is to be found. They wind up barricading themselves in a shopping mail. The rest is zombie movie history. Romero likes his horror with a message, like we are a consumerist society bent on consuming everything, including each other. What better way to symbolize that than cannibal zombies at a shopping mall? This a great zombie flick and one of my favorites, some of the effects are a little dated and I don't understand why the mall never loses power but still great story with great direction and a great Romero ending. A+.
Dawn of the Dead (Zombi) (1978)- Dario Argento would help finance Romero’s "Dawn of the Dead" if he could do his own European edit and keep all the European profits. A match made in horror heaven! This is the same flick as Romero’s but with a different soundtrack (provided by Argento’s favorite band The Goblins) and ‘some’ of the ‘American’ humor removed. For instance we still get the zombies tumbling down the escalator to Muzak, but we don’t get the zombies walking into the helicopter rotors. The movie has a faster paced ‘feel’ to it and in some points the new soundtrack adds to the suspense, but in some spots actually detracts from it, sounding very techno 70s dated, which of course it is. I didn’t watch the two versions back to back so it’s hard for me to say which I liked better. As it stands I’d just say this one is a little different, not really better or worse, which means it gets an A+.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)- People hiding from zombies in a shopping mall is really about all this movie has in common with Romero's. The first 10 to 15 minutes of this movie are some of the best ever made for a horror movie. I was instantly into it. (And picking Johnny Cash's "When the Man Comes Around" as the opening song was a stroke of genius). Even after those first 15 minutes the movie really doesn't let up. It gets a tad McGuyverish/action movie near the end but not enough to lessen its impact. Great ending too. Even if you don't like Romero's version of zombies, you should see this remake. A+
Day of the Dead (1985)- Many consider this the weakest of the original Romero trilogy and Romero himself was disappointed that he couldn't get the budget to make the movie he wanted (an all out war between humans and zombies). Personally though, I like this movie a lot. Another great mix of camp and horror as scientists 'protected' by soldiers, try and figure out what is causing the cannibal zombies. No one really trusts anyone and the two sides soon are at war with each other, especially when it's discovered that the lead scientist is using dead soldiers as experiments. 'Dr. Frankenstein' is one of the great horror movie characters and is one reason I like this movie so much. Another well-directed Romero movie, although the acting isn't as strong as his last two zombie films, the pacing and the story work in the cramped, paranoid, claustrophobic surroundings. A.
Day of the Triffids (1962)- Another one of those classics from my childhood. I remember watching this on a cold winter afternoon and digging it. I found it at the library and checked it out. Most of those old flicks I dug as a kid hold up, this one didn't. Pretty rotten special effects (even for the time) and pretty rotten story (although I haven't read it I hear the book is very good). A meteor shower ends up blinding everyone except a few who for one reason or another didn't get to witness it. Then the triffids, plants from space (I guess), begin to grow like mad, move about, and become people eaters. We follow an American who teams up with a little girl and winds up in France. I think M. Night Shamalyan kind of borrowed from here and there for his great "Signs" though. Still, I was disappointed. D-.
Dead Alive (1992)- Peter Jackson some time before he had the budget of "Lord of the Rings". Wow, this one is simply insane. There's a particular monkey that if it bites you, well, you die... sort of. Actually you become a flesh-craving zombie. Can't go wrong with that plot. A guy still lives with his overbearing mother. He'd like to get away and date some girls but his mom won't hear of it. Then the monkey bites her. Loyal son keeps her around despite her hunger and the fact she seems to be spreading the disease all over the neighborhood. Like taking the "Psycho" plot to the next level. Insanity ensues including a simply unbelievable climax that involves lawnmowers. This is probably the goriest movie I've ever seen but it's done in such a cartoon way that you really don't notice it. It's over the top in about every aspect of filmmaking. Next year I'll have a review of Jackson's "Bad Taste" which, from what I hear, is the perfect name. A-.
Dead and Buried (1981)- Twist on the ‘town with a secret’ flick, this town has a secret, and it’s a doozy! New folks who show up in town wind up dead, killed in some pretty heinous fashion as to mutilate their looks. But then they turn up as town residents later on. The local sheriff starts looking into the deaths, and starts to wonder just how his wife and the local weirdo mortician all fit into the mystery. Very well done by horror master Dan O’Bannon, this is a fun ride, frightening, mysterious, and campy to boot. An almost perfect mix (that Dan would perfect a little later with "Return of the Living Dead", this is kind of almost "Return of the Living Dead" light). The ending probably could have gone one of two ways; I think it went the right way over all (you knew it had to be one or the other, that’s all I’ll say.) I liked this one a lot, nothing great, but no glaring weaknesses either. A-.
Dead Heat (1988)- I knew going in what to expect, and I got exactly what I thought I would get. A big evil corporation is reanimating folks and an evil doc is using the zombies to rob jewelry stores. Cops are confused but a couple of loose cannon types are on the case. One gets killed and reanimated and now he’s pissed. Joe Piscapo is in this so you know it is going to suck. It tries to be funny, campy, and scary and fails at all three. The people making this knew it was going to suck so they just went all out. I’m going to give this an F, I know it was supposed to be dumb, but it’s just too damned dumb, despite a great part by The Night Stalker and a cameo by an old Vincent Price.
Dead Man Walk (1943)- Pretty much just a retelling of the Dracula story, this time out a pair of twin brothers, one good and one evil, square off for the soul of one of the twin’s niece, I’m not sure how that works, maybe it was by marriage. Anyway, apparently the good twin, knowing the bad twin was evil, killed him, but what he didn’t bargain for was the fact the evil twin was in tight with the forces of darkness and would come back as a vampire, complete with Renfield as his assistant (although not named that, it is Dwight Frye more or less reprising that role with a little less zeal). Very familiar territory yes, but really overall it’s not that bad. Keep in mind it is very dated and very cheaply made with some piss poor sets (how come anytime anyone goes from place to place in this town they travel through the woods?), but really not bad keeping those things in mind. B-
Dead Meat (2004)- In the mood for a mindless zombie flick? Looking for something in the vein of the classic Italian Zombi films of the late 70s early 80s? Don't really care about things like plot, good acting, interesting dialogue, or character development? Then "Dead Meat" is for you! This is an Irish zombie flick (?) that has no originality at all, but who needs that? A man and woman are driving across Ireland, unaware of a new strain of mad cow disease that seems to infect humans. They run over a man and kill him, the man comes back to life, bites the guy on the neck, he dies, attacks his girlfriend (or wife, whatever), she kills him (with a wicked strong vacuum cleaner), meets up with a local, and they run from hordes (and HORDES) of zombies (why are there always so damned many zombies out in the country?). Tons of zombie 'kills', low budget gore, and everything zombie aficionados love. Keeping in mind the obvious deficiencies I listed above I am going to give this a strong B. I liked it, yeah it is cheap and unoriginal, but I like zombie flicks!
Dead Next Door, The (1985)- Extremely low budget flick (although it was supposedly the most expensive ‘shot-on-video’ movie at the time) not so secretly underwritten by Sam Raimi. Despite the obvious budget constraints and amateur look and feel of the film, it works on its own level. We are some time into a zombie infestation, caused by a virus that reanimates corpses in order to feed itself. We follow along as government ‘zombie squads’ work to eliminate the zombies, scientists work to find a way to stop the zombies with a serum, protestors try and stop the government from mistreating the zombies, and a religious cult has decided that it is God’s will that the world be turned over to zombies. Yes, it is a detailed and fairly well thought out plot, executed by amateurs on a shoestring budget. Some of the effects are really good, some aren’t and some of the sight gags work too (a disembodied head bites the fingers off a person, then the fingers can be seen poking out of the neck, a zombie gets his hand caught in a car door and the car drives off, dragging the zombie along until the hand falls off). If you can handle the piss poor acting, editing, etc that comes with these types of efforts and/or you’re a zombie fanatic (look for the heavy handed references to other zombie flicks) then you will like this one, I give it a strong A for effort.
Dead of Night (1945)- An early horror omnibus film with the wrap around story being about an architect who goes to a country house to look at renovating it. Once there he gets a sense of déjà vu and claims he has dreamt of them all and has a vague idea that something bad is going to happen. A visiting psychiatrist tries to explain away the man’s feeling and other guests tell their stories of brushes with the supernatural. Story one is about a girl at a Christmas Party who, while playing hide and seek, hides in a room where a little boy is crying, she puts the boy to bed only to find out some bad news about him. A good enough simple ghost story. A. Story two is about an engaged couple. The woman buys her fiancé an antique mirror but when the man looks into the mirror he sees himself standing in a different room. Turns out the mirror’s original owner went crazy and killed his wife in front of that mirror; will the man be able to avoid that fate? A tad silly but well executed I’ll give it a B. Story three revolves around a race car driver, who after being involved in a crash has a fever dream that a hearse is waiting outside the hospital for him. When he leaves the hospital he thinks he sees the hearse driver from the dream, can the driver save him? Another well done short, A-. Story four is a campy piece about two golfers who wager a game for the hand of a girl in marriage, one man wins and the other commits suicide. The one who commits suicide finds out (on the other side) that the winner cheated so he comes back to haunt him, but has forgotten how to disappear again. This one is goofy and doesn’t seem to fit in but still isn’t horrible. C+. Finally we have a story about a ventriloquist who’s doll seems to have a mid of its own. Yeah it’s been done a lot since but was fresh here and works really well. A+ If you like these British omnibus movies you’ll like this one, which more or less kicked off the whole sub-genre. My average for the movie comes to about an A- but I’ll bump it to an A as the wrap around is really good, especially the insane ending (although the circular logic conclusion was a tad disappointing).
Dead Ringer (1964)- This falls under ‘suspense thriller’ more than horror for sure, but also was part of Bette Davis’ resurgence after "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" and "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte". Here Bette plays a dual role as twin sisters (sort of a rehash of an earlier movie she made called "Stolen Life"); one sister is rich as Hell (Maggie), the other on the verge of bankruptcy running a crummy bar on the ‘other’ side of town (Edie). We learn early on that Maggie is rich because she stole Edie’s rich boyfriend back in the day, and Edie will obviously never forgive her. So what is an identical twin to do if she is down on her luck and has a rich sister who she hates more than anything? She has to kill her sister, make it look like it is her who committed suicide, and then assume her sister’s life; much easier said than done as we find out. Here I would say PLOT SPOILER but you can probably guess that this plan isn’t going to work. But I have to admit, the plot twist that ends up fouling up the plot caught me off guard, and the end was actually very well done. The acting and directing are also really good, my only complaint would be, at almost 2 hours, there are times it seems to drag a little, but they are few and far between, and yes, the plot is very far fetched so just hold on for the ride. If you like the suspense films or Bette Davis’ output as she got older then this is recommended. A very strong B+
Dead of Winter (1987)- Tense little suspense thriller that is well acted and fairly well directed but winds up being pretty typically predictable material. An actress is chosen for a part but must head out to the boonies with a couple old guys to do a screen test. She is 'made up' to look like the actress she is replacing and does the screen test. Slowly she begins to realize that she is being held against her will in said boonies and the part she is to play may not be in a movie at all. What exactly is it these two old guys have in mind for her? It is a suspenseful, interesting story and technically well-done but also pretty much ends exactly the way you'd expect it to and there is some expected 'suspension of belief' required too. B-.
Dead Silence (2007)- A ventriloquist doll shows up at a young couple’s apartment, it kills the girl while the guy is out picking up supper. His alibi of someone sending them a dummy and then killing his wife isn’t holding up so well so he goes back home to do a little digging into the weird legend of the old ventriloquist gal who used to do shows at the local theatre. She was apparently accused of killing a young audience member who ridiculed her act and was subsequently killed by a mob. Ever since the town has been haunted by bizarre deaths. Yeah, it’s a little far fetched and falls into some typical young people in distress cliché at times but never the less I liked it. The twist at the end was satisfactory to me and there were some genuinely creepy shots and atmosphere. No it won’t hold up under any intense scrutiny so just don’t over think it and you’ll get an OK ghost story. B.
Dead Snow (2009)- More Nazi Zombies and their gold stashes! Some med-school students head out for a ski trip in a remote cabin in the mountains in Norway. Turns out they are staying not too far from where the locals turned on and stole back the gold stash the Nazis had stolen from them during WWII. Now those Nazis are very pissed! From the very beginning we’re off on a romp that both pays homage to teen-slasher and zombie flicks that have come before, and parodies them at the same time. From the early quote about ‘how many horror movies start with college kids heading out for a weekend’ to the old guy who shows up out of nowhere and sets the story up, stuck in a remote cabin surrounded by zombies, to the chainsaw/shotgun action packed ending. Yes, equal parts ‘Evil Dead’, ‘Night of the Living Dead’, and ‘Shaun of the Dead’, with a little ‘Friday the 13th’ thrown in. Remember this is a tribute, a comedy, a parody, and a horror/zombie movie all rolled into one. If you appreciate the over the top campiness of flicks like ‘Evil Dead’ then you should like this one, I’ll give it an A, I liked the Nazi zombies a lot and there were some pretty funny and outrages moments.
Dead Zone, The (1983)- Cronenberg does King in this eighties flick about a guy who can see people’s pasts and futures by touching them. He gets this ability after being in a coma for five years caused by a car crash, and his life is in shambles. His girlfriend has moved on and married, he has no job, and the media finds out about his ability and hounds him. And as his visions get stronger he seems to be getting weaker. He moves to a small town to start over but his past catches up with him and his abilities force him to make a tough decision regarding a half crazed politician who may just wind up being president. This is a pretty good film, and although the payoff at end the was a little lame, I was drawn into it and it kept my interest, especially Christopher Walken’s character who is walking on the edge of sanity trying to deal with his lost 5 years and his new ‘gift’. B+
Deadgirl (2008)- This is a movie full of contradictions and inconsistencies. For instance, some of the acting is terrible, some really good, some of the editing is great, some atrocious, some of the atmosphere is perfect, some ill fitting at best. You get the idea, inconsistent. Plot-wise this is a flick about 2 outcast 17 year olds who don’t fit in at school and whose parents really don’t care too much about where they are or what they are up to. One day while skipping school they break into an old abandoned mental hospital to drink and vandalize. While exploring the basement they stumble on what at first they think is a dead body, they soon realize she is alive, and sometime later realize she can’t actually be killed. One of the teens rather rapidly descends into depravity while the other is conflicted about whether he should care and just what he should do about it. Zombie rape scenes ensue. Weird yes, but an interesting look at another side of the zombie tale (although this was somewhat addressed in the extras on the ‘Dawn of the Dead’ remake DVD). Hardcore zombie fans will be disappointed in the lack of gore and action, but those not used to the zombie gore flicks might actually think there is too much gore; such is the beast when making one of these flicks! Regardless, this movie in the end I think is really a metaphor for humans’ ability to be inhumane, and how easy a slide it can actually be from bored to criminal, kind of a disturbing modern twist on ‘Lord of the Flies’. I don’t want to read too much into what the film makers were trying to accomplish here but I also think it is a metaphor for the post-Web-porn generation. A generation whose contact with others is often texts and FaceBook, and Internet porn and objectification is everywhere. The rape scenes are so detached as to be just masturbatory fantasies for porn surfing teens, the zombie woman only as real as a monitor’s 2D anonymous prostitute 1000 miles away. As a straight up horror flick this might not pass the muster, but as a look into modern depravity, regardless of intentions, it holds up very well. A-.
Deadtime Stories (1986)- El Cheapo 80's "Horror" pap. Having said that let's examine: Terrible acting, rotten lighting, bad sound, silly dialogue, forced excuse to rip off a trilogy of horror stories. Story one has a couple witches using an innocent slave boy to rope in victims for their magic. He decides he's had enough when the foul witches look to off a little hottie from the village to resurrect their sister. Story two has a guy looking to buy some strong sleeping pills as there's a full moon tonight. Hhhmmmm, werewolf? Alas, a young girl who was just almost busted masturbating is sent to get her grandma's prescription and uh oh, the sacks are crossed. She loses her virginity in a tool shed and then finds her grandma attacked and almost dead. The third story involves some escapees from a mental ward hooking up with a Carrie like killer and some mayhem ensues. TERRIBLE slapstick attempts at camp also ensue. These trilogies are usually set up to have the middlin' story first, the worst story second, and the best story last. This one didn't follow convention. Keeping terrible 80s cheapo not even exploitative material in mind I give story one a C-, story two a C+ and story three an F. That's an average of D.
Death of a Ghost Hunter (2007)- Low low budget flick about the death of a ghost hunter. A parapsychologist is hired by a young guy who has inherited his uncle’s house. His uncle was a preacher who had his own church and unorthodox ways of dealing with wayward youth. One night he and his entire family were murdered and the house has been haunted ever since. The nephew doesn’t really believe in such things but he has seen things in the house that bother him. The parapsychologist, a videographer, a writer, and a member of the original owner’s church all stay several nights and confront the ghosts that fill the house. You know how it ends because of the title of the movie. Despite the low budget, terrible editing (the movie jumps from point of view filming to conventional at the drop of a hat), rotten sound, silly dialogue, and bad acting this one worked for me. There were some genuinely creepy moments and when it was on it was on. It also WAY over did some effects (seriously enough backwards talking, why would ghosts talk backwards?) Even though I knew the end would be death for all, I was pulled in wanting to see how and why. The coda ending could’ve been left off though. (Weird how I kind of hated all the aspects of this one but liked the movie, compare to my review of "The Orphanage" where I liked all the aspects but didn’t like the movie, I have no idea why, just how I feel sometimes.) I’ll give this a solid B+, keeping in mind the weaknesses mentioned above.
Deathdream (1974)- Retelling of ‘The Monkey’s Paw’ story. A kid is killed in ‘The War’ (we’re never really told what war other than it is not WWII or Korea so it is a pretty safe assumption that it is Vietnam). His family is devastated when the telegram arrives, especially the mother who just refuses to accept the truth. Then suddenly late one night the kid (Andy) shows up at home (other than him hitchhiking we are never really cued in as to how he got home) and everyone is relieved and amazed at the mistake the army made. But all is not well as Andy spends his days sitting and staring into space, or rocking in his rocking chair staring at the walls. He doesn’t want a party, he doesn’t want people to know he is home, and is showing violent reactions when he doesn’t get his way. And then there is the truck driver who was killed by a hitchhiker in an army uniform the night Andy arrived. Everyone starts to notice these things except his mother who lives in denial, content that her son is home from the war. This is a product of the low budget 70s and it shows. Bad lighting, poor cinematography, etc. but it still holds up well, with some good acting and engrossing story. At the simple horror movie level it also works, a tad slow at times but there are some classic sequences (the drive-in scene among the best), but on a deeper level as a metaphor for the effect loosing a son (or daughter) in a war has on a family is pretty heavy, and maybe even heavier is the idea that some of those who do return home alive are not the same, with post traumatic stress disorder, etc. clouding them the rest of their lives. So yeah, it is OK as a horror movie, but as a study of the effects of war disguised as a horror movie it works really well, despite the few weaknesses mentioned above. A-.
Deep Red (1975): Dario Argento's Giallo piece obviously influenced by Mario Bava and obviously influential towards Carpenter's "Halloween"; It sits squarely between those two worlds, murder mystery and slasher flick. The directing is very interesting as Argento's use of color, camera angle, and point of view is always good (and must have been a big influence on John Carpenter), but his jarring editing and often intentional slow pace and over written scenes detract from the suspense rather than add to it. The plot is flimsy at best and hard to follow at times and centers around a pianist who witnesses the murder of a psychic who, through her ESP, knew about a murderer's past and that he/she would kill again. Anyone who gets close to the truth winds up dead. The investigations take bizarre and pointless turns yet somehow I hung in there until the end. This was an influential flick that held my interest but could've been better. B-.
Dementia 13 (1963)- Some people say this is an early masterpiece from Francis Ford Coppola and some say it points to the genius to come. I don't know. I think it's basically just a rip off of "Psycho" with some extra nutty family members thrown in and a dead daughter instead of mother. A woman is angry at her husband for not forcing his mother to set up a will so she kills him. She then hangs around the crazy family trying to figure their secret and probably wondering why they are Irish and living in Ireland but have no Irish accents, except for the grounds keeper who has a very fake Irish accent, but this never comes up. It's a little slow moving and you wonder why everyone is so weird but there are some very effective moments. Not great but not terrible. C+
Demons of the Mind (1972)- Over-the-top Hammer production about a family that is believed to be cursed. A man decides he must marry a ‘peasant’ in order to make sure and end the curse. His plan backfires as his wife kills herself in front of their two kids, so he must now protect his two kids by locking them in the attic. Is he insane? Is the family insane? Is it from so much in-breeding? Are they possessed? Yeah the father is nuts but he wants to cure his kids via leeches and quack psychology, and what’s up with the villagers? This is a weird one, it does manage some good mood and atmosphere, but over acting and general strangeness doom it in my opinion (the nutty priest, the weird locals and their traditions, the ending all just make no sense with regards to the plot unless I guess you go the possession route). Anyway, I love Hammer, and I didn’t hate this, but didn’t much care for it so I’ll give it a weak C-.
Deranged (1974)- Like ‘Psycho’ before it and ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ which came out the same year, this is based on the story of Ed Gein. Here we have a man who is a tad too close to his mother, and when she dies he digs her up to keep her around. He needs to learn how to preserver bodies and he also needs to find her some friends! This is a pretty gruesome flick, not so much from a gore perspective but from a subject matter perspective; He takes no qualms about having dead bodies and body parts around the house, I guess in a way this combines ‘Psycho’ (a boy and his mother...) with ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (wearing skin masks and the infamous dinner scene). But as a bonus, the director isn’t afraid to poke a little black humor in here and there as well, and it works. I am going to give this an A+ simply because, despite a low budget and dated feel, the main character (Ezra) was perfectly played. Kind of an ‘Ernest Goes Insane’ feel!
Descent, The (2006)- This movie is a lot like "The Cave" except it doesn't suck. We start off meeting some adventuresome female friends who like hitting river rapids and such. On the way home from one of their adventures tragedy strikes and one of them loses her husband and young daughter (just before her birthday). Jump ahead a year and add a couple more adventuresome types and it's therapy time for the one who lost her family. The therapy? Get back to some adventure by cave exploring in the Appalachians. She's not 100% sure it's a good idea but her friends think it is, and at first it seems it might just be, but then things go seriously awry. After a tunnel collapse we find out the girls are lost, and quite possibly trapped. But that's nothing compared to what's waiting for them in the cave system. Ravenous carnivorous humanoids perfectly adapted to living in the blackness of the caves. They remind me of something from a Tool video. What follows is a pretty intense game of cat and mouse in that 'trapped and hunted' horror sub genre tradition. There are some stereotypical characters and not a lot of character development, which makes it hard to care much for some of the them, and overall the plot is somewhat predictable, but still, I was pulled in and really enjoyed this flick. B+.
Descent Part 2, The (2009)- I was leery of this one, I liked the first and figured a sequel would be pretty tough to make (especially if you’ve seen the UK edit). But my wife and I liked the first enough to give this a shot... mistake. Sarah is put through the wringer as everyone searches for her lost friends. She is forced by the local asshole sheriff to go back in the cave system to help with the search and as bodies turn up, questions get asked, and are soon answered when basically a remake of the first flick takes off. Lots of ‘that would never happen’ follows as I tried to figure out if they were going for the gross out camp/comedy with all the blood and gore spewing in everyone’s mouths, and when the bathroom humor (literally) showed up it was over for me. SPOILER ALERT, this flick ‘almost’ ends exactly like the first, but a weird tacked on twist opens the possibility for a part 3. I’ll give it a D- since being trapped in caves does freak me out and this conveyed that feeling to me at times, other than that, not much to offer.
Devil Bat, The (1940)- Cheap and silly would describe a lot of Bela Lugosi's movies, including this one. Lugosi is a (sigh) mad scientist who works for a cosmetics firm. He sold the rights to his great formula years ago for $10,000 while the company's owners made millions. He's bitter about that so he creates a giant bat and then some after-shave lotion that attracts the giant bat and makes it attack. Then he hands out samples of the lotion to the family members of the company owners. Yeah, it's as bad as it sounds plot-wise but if you dig goofy mad scientist movies with smart-aleck reporters solving the case, and I do, then this is for you. If you hate this 40s trash then you'll really hate this one. C+.
Devil Came From Akasava, The (1971)- OK, this isn't horror, it's James Bond spy action adventure with kind of a sci-fi twist, but it was billed as horror and played on Halloween night on the Sundance Channel so if they can do it so can I. Anyway, a scientist discovers a rock that can transform other rocks into gold (were all the rocks around this rock in the mine gold? I don't think they were so it must not have worked). Anyway the downer is it kills people who see it. The scientist is then killed... or is he... spies, cops, and agents, etc. all swarm around the place. Who's on whose side? Who cares? Since this also is a Franco film the main spy doubles as a prostitute and her cover in going to Akasava is she's an exotic dancer. Her act consists of sitting in a chair and taking her clothes off. Everyone is amazed at how talented she is, if they only knew she was a spy too! How exotic! Typical Franco 70s funk acid rock Hammond B3 organ soundtrack which fires up at the standard inappropriate times. If Muzak covered James Brown you'd have a Franco Soundtrack. Priceless! Still, this movie gets a D-.
Devil Doll, The (1936)- A scientist who has been locked up in the famous Devil’s Island prison escapes with the help of a banker who has also been doing time. The scientist wants to return to his work, which has been carried on by his wife. He has the idea that if he can shrink every animal on earth to 1/6 its regular size there will be no more world hunger, the problem is when he shrinks anything down it becomes a mere automaton with no will of its own, controlled only by the thoughts of others. The scientist drops dead and the banker realizes he can use these ‘devil dolls’ as a means to get revenge on his banking partners who set him up. Despite the ‘goofiness’ of the story this old school horror/sci-fi flick is actually pretty good. There is quite a bit of character development and we do become involved with the characters and wonder what will happen to the banker and his family, who have been destitute since his imprisonment. And for 1936 the effects are really good. If you like ‘em old school then this is a classic for you. A.
Devil’s Offspring (1999)- This is a weird Honk Kong film about strange occurrences at a boarding school. It is the summer and only the kids who have no parents, or whose parents don’t want them, are still at the school, waiting for the regular fall session to start. The weirdness begins when the cook’s granddaughter is killed and stuffed in a refrigerator (even though we are told later no body was found). The cook looses her mind and serves the kid’s her granddaughter’s dog in the soup and then the kids start to commit suicide. All of these events seem to coincide with the arrival of the new student who has been adopted by the school’s priest. This was obviously made on a shoe-string budget and some of the sub-titles are hilariously bad. Although for the most part this one misses the mark, it does manage to conjure up some atmosphere and kept me mostly interested. At 82 minutes it is just about right as any longer and I would’ve fallen asleep! The twist at the end really doesn’t make any sense, but then again, none of the movie really makes too much sense anyway. I’ll give it a D since I didn’t hate it and it lived up to my expectations, which were basically zero anyway.
Devil’s Partner (1962)- An odd name for an odd movie. We begin with an old man killing a goat and signing a goat’s skin in goat’s blood, a hand reaches in and also signs the parchment and the old man collapses. Cut to a hip guy who doesn’t sweat no matter what the temperature who has come to town to claim his now deceased uncle’s property, his uncle being the old guy at the beginning. So, we know that the old guy sold his soul to the devil and the young may actually be the old guy, either way the young guy can make animals attack people and also make people die from drinking goat’s milk. So is the young guy the devil, or the devil’s partner, or the old guy transmigrated? Yes. And will the sheriff figure it out before the devil mates up with the local doctor’s daughter? You’ll have to find that one out on your own. Anyway, this is an odd little flick, a little slow moving at times with the feel of a long Twilight Zone episode. I read a review of it where someone said if David Lynch had directed it people would be drooling over it, not sure I’d go that far but it is a fair point. This is one of those low budget almost artsy horror flicks that were being made at that time like "Carnival of Souls" (although this isn't that weird) that are kind of hard to grade. I’m going to give it a B because I liked it and it just had an odd atmosphere about it that seemed to work for me.
Devil’s Rain, The (1975)- Holy Crap! As if a cast of Eddie Albert, John Travolta, and Tom Skerrit weren’t enough add Ernest Borgnine and William Shatner dueling it out for human souls and we have a masterpiece! I was pretty young through the 70s but what a great time that must have been. Everyone was afraid aliens were taking over, big foot was real, and of course, everyone was joining a Satanic Cult! Yup, and Shatner has inherited a book that Borgnine wants so he can get folks’ souls, can Shatner withstand the Devil’s power and keep the book? And what price will ultimately have to be paid? Typical 70s Satan vehicle, everything you’d expect from this genre in this era, I’ll give it a B+ on the craptacular scale.
Devils of Darkness (1965)- Pedestrian effort at mimicking Hammer. Here we have a French satanic cult headed up by a vampire. I’m not 100% sure what the cult’s end game is but two friends of a British tourist are killed while vacationing in a French village. The Brit isn’t satisfied with what the local authorities tell him so he heads back to England with the idea of having a second autopsy done on the two bodies, and also carrying a strange talisman he found at the scene of one of the deaths. That vampire wants his talisman back so he takes his crew to England (and already has some cult members there anyway) where a really groovy mod scene is going down. He falls for a model he original intends on using as bait and then all of a sudden the movie just ends! Pretty anti-climactic but that’s OK, I didn’t want it to be any longer. This is goofy and at times really annoying stuff (“daahhling”) and struggles to create any real atmosphere. Just as you start to feel a little tension as to who is in the cult vs. who isn’t it’s quickly watered down by bad acting, worse dialogue, or terrible over-the-top attempts at being hip. Still, despite all those negatives I have to admit there is a certain charm about the English horror flicks of this era and it fits in well with them, although not one of the better ones it works on that level if you dig ‘em. So for that reason I’ll give it a C.
Dial ‘M’ For Murder (1954)- Classic Hitchcock. Originally filmed in 3D using a prohibitively expensive and complicated process, this film is virtually never seen in that way. A former professional tennis player has become accustomed to the good life, which is now provided by his wife’s money since he no longer plays. He discovers his wife was stepping out on him and worries that he may no longer be able to live that life style, so the best thing to do would be to devise the perfect murder so he can get all of her money. The movie picks right up the night before the murder is to take place, even though we find he has been planning it for quite sometime. In typical Hitchcock fashion, we know the entire plot. There is no real mystery here; the suspense comes from not knowing whether the plan will work, seeing the plan unfold, and then sympathizing with the villain. Genius! Of course the plan goes awry, but the husband improvises a new one that just might get him that money after all. This film brilliantly uses plot devices and character’s skills (the boyfriend is a murder mystery writer) to weave us through the story. I have to give this one an A+.
Diary of a Madman (1963)- Vincent Price plays a judge who visits a man condemned to death in prison. The man claims to be possessed by an evil spirit, a "Horla", he tries to kill Price but dies in the attempt and the Horla, needing a new host, enters Price (a plot that would be reworked for 1998's "The Fallen"). Price's interest in art is renewed and he hires a model to pose for him, but really it is the evil Horla who wants the model around. This flick is more than a little cheesy and the effects are bad even by 1963 standards, but Price gives his usual 110%, which brings the other actors up a notch and saves the film from being totally forgettable. A classic if you like these 60s flicks. B.
Diary of the Dead (2008)- Romero is back with another zombie movie entry, this time taking a cue from "The Blair With Project" and "Cloverfield" by making a point-of-view film about zombies. It is sort of a retelling of "Night of the Living Dead" set today. A group of college film students/actors are making a horror film for their senior project when suddenly and for seemingly no reason the dead begin to rise up to consume the living. The student director becomes obsessed with turning his fake mummy movie into a real documentary on what is happening. So the group gets together in a Winnebago to head home. I guess they all live in the same direction and/or don’t own their own cars. Bottom line, Romero is the master, but even the master can have a bad game. Maybe Romero’s directing doesn’t lend itself to the point-of-view style, maybe the dialogue was just too clunky, maybe the acting was just too bad, maybe the plot holes were just too deep, maybe some sequences were just too unbelievable, maybe the message this time was just too heavy handed, maybe the camp parts seemed out of place, maybe it was a combination of all of the above, but I have to admit, as much as I don’t want to, I was very disappointed in this flick. It just felt like I was walking through a haunted house with a zombie theme. Here’s the outside scene, here’s the dorm scene, here’s the hospital scene, here’s the house scene, here’s the warehouse scene, here’s the panic room scene. This could’ve been so good, the idea was there, some of the parts were great (the opening with the police at the apartment complex, the team clearing out the apartment building with the old people, some parts of the hospital scene), but some were just bad (Deb’s house, the cameraman not doing anything when a zombie walks right in front of him to bite someone at the hospital, the mummy/zombie camp part). Also, from a realism point regarding the point-of-view- style, love it or hate it, the camera work and editing is supposed to feel bad and amateurish, here it was just too slick with the security camera angles edited in, the double cameras, and the soundtrack playing almost throughout. It just totally lost that ‘shot on the run vibe’. I know I know these were film students and had editing gear, they show that, still... And George, I dig my horror with a message, always respected you for your abilities in that respect, but crap man, I don’t need it hitting me like a baseball bat. Information overload indeed. I can’t believe this but I’m forced to give the Master a C-.
District 9 (2009)- This is a Sci-Fi kind of horror flick in the vein of "Alien Nation" and "V" (surely you all remember V?) but at the end of the day, really unlike anything. A giant spaceship has parked itself over Johannesburg, South Africa. Folks are naturally a little uncomfortable with it and eventually they board it and find a million or so aliens living in squalid conditions. They set up a camp (slum) for them to live in and move them there. A whole society sprouts up around the area catering to the aliens, and to people who want to exploit the aliens. Things begin to go awry when the government decides it might be time to move the aliens to a new camp (concentration camp). And we soon find out that everything the aliens have is based on biotechnology and their DNA, making their weapons luckily inoperable in our hands but also making things like fuel for their spaceship very dangerous for humans to handle. There is plenty of social commentary to go around, racism, exploitation of the poor and working class, addictions, desire, greed, inhumane (ironic) treatment of others, but none of it is heavy handed and is more just matter-of-factly part of the plot, which makes it work very well on many levels (like Romero’s "Dawn of the Dead"). The movie itself starts and ends as a documentary, and even though much of the middle isn’t that way, it maintains that gritty feel throughout. Sprinkled with bits of humor, everything from the look, acting, and story just work really well. The end becomes pretty balls out action movie but even then it never looses itself in that, it’s a balancing act that is successful. If you are a SciFi horror fan of the original "Alien" type of film then this is for you. A+
Die! Die! My Darling! (1965)- Hammer saw the success of "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane" and took the theme of old actresses playing intriguing and bat shit insane parts for this suspense thriller. This flick, obviously inspired by Hitchcock also, is the story of an American, played by Stephanie Powers, who is going to England to marry her fiancée, but first she feels obliged to meet her former fiancée’s mother who lives in what looks like it was at one time a nice house but has fallen into disrepair in the English countryside (her first fiancée has died in what we are told was a terrible manner). After arriving at the old gal’s house, and meeting her help, we learn the old gal is a tad on the religious side, putting it mildly, and a light hearted comedy about the old fashioned and the modern seems to be underway. It isn’t long until things begin to turn sinister though, as we realize that the old gal, along with her help, plan on making sure Powers stays pure for when she is reunited with Steven in the afterlife. This is a very suspenseful movie that works really well and gives great performances by all involved, but especially Tallulah Bankhead in her final role, spouting off religious quotes and talking about how corrupt the rest of the world is (a lesson in hypocritical religiosity very relevant in today’s world). Bette Davis still keeps the reward for insane old lady parts in "... Baby Jane" but Tallulah comes in second in a photo finish. A
Die, Monster, Die (1965)- Based on Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space", this little American International flick moves along at a nice pace. A guy heads to not so jolly old England to visit his college sweetie and soon finds no one will help him find his way to the house. Cursed it must be. He eventually makes it to the house, after walking through some barren landscapes that is. Turns out the girl's family has a dim past of demonology and insanity. The girl's father, played by Karloff, will have none of that and looks for scientific reasons for what has happened there in the past, with typical devastating results. A great line that sums it all up "It's like a zoo from Hell... A menagerie of horrors." This is great fluff that sits somewhere between horror and sci-fi. The actors are just going through the motions (except Karloff who always took his roles seriously), most of the sets look good. If you like 60s goof then you'll like this, if not stay away. C-.
Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)- Argento goes full on Hitchcock tribute mode in the made for Italian TV movie. It does have that ‘made for TV’ feel, the death scenes aren’t nearly as gory as typical Argento (or as long), although European TV is much more liberal than American. This is a flick about a film student who likes watching his neighbors (a la "Rear Window"), particularly one who prances around in her underwear. This gal is always arguing with her mother and when her mother winds up dead he figures the daughter had someone kill her (a la "Strangers on a Train"), a few plot twists later (a la "Dial M for Murder") and we find out the student was wrong... or was he? The Hitch references are literally held out there by name and that is the whole point, however, this movie never measures up to anything Hitch did! It’s OK as a made for TV tribute, but if you are expecting great Italian Giallo, or Argento atmosphere you will be disappointed. Some of the ‘suspense’ scenes just drag on forever and while Hitch may have never wasted a shot; there are plenty of wasted shots in this one. Not horrible, but nothing special either. I’ll give it a C+.
Dog Soldiers (2002)- Looking for an original take on horror in general and werewolves in particular? Look elsewhere. This flick is a simple mashup of horror flicks that have come before, oddly but probably most obviously being ‘Night of the Living Dead’. So what is this about? A squad of British soldiers are dropped in the Scottish boonies on a training mission, but what they encounter is more than they expected when they come across the unit of special forces they were training with, or what’s left of that unit which is some blood and guts, and their leader who is near death and petrified. With the help of a local they wind up at an old farmhouse and batten down the hatches for the eventual werewolf attack, plot hole plot twists follow. The plot is so obviously predictable, the effects so so at best and yet I dug this flick. The acting worked for me, the tension seemed real, and there was enough camp humor to keep it afloat but not too much to weigh it down, much like another flick that influenced this ‘Evil Dead’. Unoriginal, yes, but passable for me, B+.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)- A young couple inherits an old house, moves in, and promptly starts remodeling. The old caretaker knows it’s now a good idea and warns them about removing the bolts from the door that leads downstairs and about not opening up the currently bricked up fireplace, but silly advice from creepy old guys is meant to be ignored. Then the whispers begin and the little demon things show up and, well, you can guess the rest. Like many people my age, I saw this on TV back in the day and it scared the living crap out of me. I mean I couldn’t go anywhere without a light on. Now I find that fascinating, that a movie could do that to someone, even a little kid. It would be interesting if we could hold onto that imagination as adults, or maybe not. Anyway, I recently saw this again and, although it really isn’t scary now, it does hold up fairly well. It’s hard to give this a fair grade since I remember it so well from back in the day so I’ll give it a B.
Don’t Look In The Basement (1973)- Dr. Stephens runs his own sanitarium. It’s an odd place where patients are allowed to roam free, treated, and expected to treat each other, as family. To this end the sanitarium is actually just a really large house. Dr. Stephens’ methods backfire and he’s axed by one of his patients. Soon after a nurse he hired prior to his run in with the ax shows up and allowed by Dr. Stephens’ assistant to take her position. The new nurse soon realizes all is not what it seems, but did she realize it too late? The acting in this low budget indie isn’t too great and the cast of loonies aren’t overly believable, but the cinematography is good for such low budget material and the story is interestingly presented. Although a pretty nice atmosphere of trapped paranoia develops it is never really explored so it falls a little short in that department too. Still, I was pleasantly surprised. B-.
Don't Look Now (1973)- Art house flick with Donald Sutherland as a restorer of old churches. During a moment of deja-vu he realizes his daughter is drowning but arrives too late to save her. He and his wife go to Italy to restore an old church. A blind psychic lady reassures Don's wife that their daughter is OK. He doesn't like blind psychic ladies. Weird stuff happens and people act real weird and then the end rolls around and I thought "What the ... ?" This is one of those movies that are filled with symbolism and stuff for people to coo over and for the director to prove how smart he is. Sometimes I like those movies, this time? Well... It did have great atmosphere and suspense and kept me interested, even though a fair amount of the time I was confused and there didn't seem to be a plot. I guess it boils down to this, I liked the movie until the very end and then I felt pretty let down. B-.
Don’t Torture a Duckling (1972)- Did something get lost in the translation of the title of this one? Luciano Fulci explores some Giallo territory in this murder mystery. A group of kids who tend to get into trouble are, one by one, winding up dead. Red herrings abound: Is it the half-wit who threatened to kill the kids when they picked on him, is it the crazy voodoo lady who also hated the kids, is it the weird rich lady who seems to have an unhealthy love for young boys, or is it some other insane person in this small Italian town with a mob mentality? I actually had it figured out fairly early, if you watch really closely you will too. Still, over all this is a stylish Italian mystery, a must see if you like these, but if you’re not a fan you will just see it as more of the same. I’ll give it a B.
Dr. Blood’s Coffin (1961)- This movie tries pretty hard and comes close. Yeah, it is low budget schlock to be sure but it works as it is well constructed and the acting (all things considered) isn’t bad. The story revolves around a brilliant young doctor returning to his small town roots. Is he there to take over his ageing father’s practice, or is he there to experiment on raising the dead? Oddly ‘accidental’ deaths seem to follow him around and his ambition, as is so often the case, gets him in a tad too deep. This thing starts out like it is going to be a mystery, but drops all mystery pretense pretty quickly, which seemed a weird shift, still, if you find this in the 99 cent bin at Wal-Mart and like low budget insanity this ain’t too bad, as this stuff often goes, I have seen WAY worse. Not bad enough for a craptacular grade. I’ll give it a C, nice effort, oddly put together.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)- John Barrymore plays the title role with some silent movie over acting. Still, keeping in mind the age and style of the times, the transformation and look of Hyde or pretty effective. Over all the plot is standard: Jeckyll is a near perfect doctor, helping the poor, being nice all the time, but what of man's darker side? Everyone has a darker side, even the seemingly perfect Jeckyll. What if he could separate the two sides and eliminate the bad one. Of course he tries but then realizes the dark side knows how to have fun! But that fun leads to trouble, especially when it can no longer be controlled. This is an old one and looks and feels that way. It gets a little tedious (I'm not a big silent film fan anyway) but, all things considered it is still pretty good as far as plot and look goes. B.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)- That's Jeekal to you. Old school interpretation of the classic Stevenson story. Maybe a little over acted but it's still very effective. Jeckyll is played with gusto and Ivy is definitely a little slut. The obvious sexual frustration issues are dealt with right up front in this pre-code movie. Jeckyll wants to separate man's good and evil sides and then eliminate the evil side. His experiment works, sort of. There's no question of the evil almost ape-like Mr. Hyde and his masochistic desires. This is still the definitive version of the telling despite a pretty rotten make-up job. A.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1941)- Spencer Tracy and Ingrid Bergman? Gotta be good right? Well... Where the older version may have been over acted, this seems too subdued. Yeah, Tracy's Hyde has no make-up at all and is kind of a quiet evil, which is a nice interpretation, but this movie just doesn't work. Tracy's Hyde is restrained, Ivy is restrained, the sexual angle is restrained, and the story is restrained. I think they tried too hard to make everyone sympathetic except Hyde and it backfires. Compare the two to see how the 'codes' tamed horror back in the day. C.
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)- Dr. Phibes put himself in suspended animation at the end of the first film and now is back, looking for the River of Life in Egypt to resurrect his beloved Victoria, who, if you can recall, died on the operating table after an accident and the doctors who couldn't save her were killed off in the first Phibes film. When Phibes wakes up he realizes his house has been demolished and his map to the River of Life is gone. The guy who has the map has his own reason for wanting to find the River of Life so Phibes kills off anyone in his way in some interesting ways. This movie revives the very 'oddness' of the first and also the black comedy, which still holds up. It is an interesting plot but over all a weaker effort than the first. I liked the ending though, not what I expected. B.
Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon (1973)- Surreal horror based loosely on Poe and made by some of the same bizarre Mexican filmmakers that gave us ‘El Topo’. A writer visits an insane asylum where new techniques are being used to help the insane, and for some reason the writer doesn’t notice right off that something is seriously wrong here. This is a bizarre one and if you’re into the cult midnight movie like foreign flicks then this is a little gem you should check out, if you hate that stuff then stay away. It makes little sense and wavers between fairly intense (rape scenes and such) to comedy (chicken people), and covers the surreal in between those extremes. Not 100% sure why as I often like material like this, even if I find it craptacular, but this one just pissed me off. It was late and maybe I was way too tired to try and wrap my brain around it but I think I am going to just give it an F.
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors (1965)- Six strangers riding on a train. One happens to be well versed in the art of tarot reading and future predicting. So we get an Amicus omnibus, the first actually, from the Hammer copycat and it ain’t all that bad. Story one has a man return to his ancestral home to help the current owner remodel. Little does he know the current owner isn’t too happy with the previous owner’s family, and they have a history of werewolfism! Well told and well-paced, I’ll give it an A. Story two has a family returning from vacation to find a strange vine growing next to the house. They can’t seem to remove it so they call in some experts and they quickly realize that ‘a plant like that could take over the world’, especially if it figures out how not to be scared of fire. Campy but fun I’ll give it a B. Story three has a smart assed jazz musician play a gig in the West Indies. He comes back with the music he heard the voodoo practitioners play and despite being warned not to play it, he does so anyway and doesn’t get the results he’d hoped for. Not bad, played more for laughs and approached that way it works. A-. Story four involves a pretentious art critic who is always belittling an artist. The artist gets his revenge, but the critic is so humiliated he runs the artist over with his car, severing the artist’s hand. The rest is pretty easy to predict, complete with terrible FX. Christopher Lee is in this one as is Gandolf, but the FX are so bad it is distracting. C-. A young Donald Southerland winds up getting hitched to a young vampire in the fifth story and is convinced to kill her, and then, twist! I’ll give it an A-, well-acted and well-though out. So the wrap comes to a conclusion and you kind of think “Wait, so that wasn’t really anyone’s future?” Anyway, a pretty good flick if you like the Amicus omnibus approach, plus Cushing and Lee are both present! The grades average to a B+.
Dr. X (1932)- Warner Brothers was behind the curve on the Horror Explosion of the early 30s. Universal had had great success with Dracula and Frankenstein and MGM had made Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. Warner wanted something different. They wanted a tale set in modern times. Not a period piece, and they wanted it in color. Those sound like great ideas, until you remember it was 1932. So what do we get? We get terrible dated camp humor, wise cracking reporters, mad scientists, and crappy "two strip" color that looks like one of those shitty colorizing jobs they did on black and white movies in the 80s. The murder mystery angle works as "Moon Killer" is offing people whenever there's a full moon. The gumshoes know it must be a doctor from the local research facility because of the tools used and the accuracy of the cuts (it looks like the victims are being cannibalized). All of the research scientists are involved in the study of something that could be related to the kills (moon light, cannibalism, etc). So who could it be? We are subjected, along with the cast, to a series of scientific tests to determine who the killer is. Everything would work in this movie if it didn't come across as so painfully dated. What is it with damned wise cracking reporters in these old movies anyway? (Before we watched this Jenny asked why there hadn't been a million remakes of this as there had been the other early horror successes. Her question was answered while viewing.) C-.
Dracula (1931)- Back in the day I really hated this flick. Old school acting style, very staged feeling. After another recent viewing I have to say maybe I was too quick to judge. Yeah it does suffer from some lack of creativity as far as direction goes and was based too much on the stage play which bogs it down in the middle some, but over-all it is an effective horror movie and telling of the story (Dracula wants to move to England, buys some property from Renfeld, Renfeld sees too much, Dracula moves to England, falls for Lucy, Dr. Van Helsing pursues). The opening sequences are superbly done and it's not until we're in England at Lucy's house do things start slowing down. It's a shame that the creative directing style of the intro for some reason didn't carry over to the body of the movie and we end up with just a filmed stage play. Lugosi is great at the part. People rip on him for being too hammy and staged but when you think of Dracula who comes to mind? That's right, Christopher Lee who copied Lugosi. And Dwight Frye, the ultimate horror sidekick, perfects Renfeld also. B+.
Dracula (Spanish Version) (1931)- I’d heard a lot of things about how much better the Spanish production of "Dracula" was supposed to be. It was filmed at the same time, on the same sets and same schedule (but at night) as the English version, using different actors and a different director. Much of the atmosphere remains in the first act, as does the ‘staginess’ of the second act. Johnathon, Mina, and Lucy’s parts are actually a little better, but I was disappointed in both Van Helsing, and Dracula, which are, needless to say, some important parts! Dracula, played by , was probably more campy and ‘staged’ than Lugosi, which is the main complaint against his performance. And Van Helsing’s cool demeanor and Dutch accent (which goes without saying) are not present in this one. I liked the English version a little better, but this is a good interpretation and actually tells the story a little more coherently. B-.
Dracula (1979): This film sits between Lugosi's 1932 Dracula and Oldman's 1992 Dracula both chronologically and thematically. It is a very good, albeit at times dated, variation on the theme. It follows the book closely and the acting, sets, and atmosphere work pretty well. There are some 70s effects and 70s looks here and there but over all a pretty faithful adaptation of the story. The acting from Laurence Olivier, Donald Pleasance, and others is good and believable, Dracula's acting is good also but he had kind of a 'disco era' feel to him, which didn't help, overall a strong B.
Dracula's Daughter (1936)- This movie picks up right where "Dracula" left off, with Dracula being killed. We then learn Dracula had a daughter and she's hoping that with the death of her father she may be free from the curse of being a vampire. She ceremonially burns Dracula's body and looks forward to being free while a love triangle (or maybe love square) develops. Plot-wise it is an interesting approach but I have to admit I hated this one. Dracula's Daughter's assistant is nice and creepy but the rest of the movie pretty much plods along in an uninteresting, slow way. D-.
Dracula Has Risen From The Grave (1968)- The villagers still won't go to church and why? Because Dracula's Castle's shadow falls on their church in the evening. But Dracula has been killed everyone knows that. Well the monsignor will have no more of this. He forces the local village priest to go with him up to the castle to bless it and place a large cross on the door. Man does that plan backfire. As the title suggests, Dracula rises from the grave and is pretty pissed to find that big cross on his front door. The monsignor must pay for that one. And what better way to do it than take his eye candy niece? Pretty effective Dracula story and Christopher Lee hits his stride as Dracula. B.
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)- Lon Chaney Jr’s final film, I was never a big Lon Chaney Jr. fan but still, I hate to see someone go out like this! This is a total train wreck... But to be fair it is a good train wreck. Make that a GREAT train wreck! This is one of the best worst films I’ve seen in a long time. Dracula needs a serum to make him stronger, he hunts down Dr. Frankenstein, who is hiding out and conducting his experiments under the cover of a carnival sideshow manager. His runs a pretty crummy, and tiny show, which gives him time to pump serums he derives from frightened girls who have been decapitated and reanimated into his assistant Bruno. Dracula, who in keeping with the times has grown his hair out into a nice jewfro and sports a goatee, needs some of that, but the sister of one of the doctor’s victims aims to find out what is going on. I don’t know even where to begin, the unhip hippies, the crazed bikers, Dracula’s very odd reverberating voice, his lightning shooting death ring, the soundtrack, the drug induced scenes, the parts that were obviously just spliced in here and there. If you love them bad then this is a must see! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Drag Me To Hell (2009)- A lot of people were mad that this seemed to have as much comedy in it as it did horror. I guess they were fooled by the trailers showing only parts that would lead one to believe this was pure horror. Those are folks who are not familiar with Raimi’s Evil Dead Trilogy. This is pure Raimi, one minute you’re laughing, the next you are ‘grossed-out’ and the next you are jumping from surprise, and he makes it all work. Here we have a young gal dating a rich guy who is now a very young professor at a college. She is a bank loan officer and really wants to get promoted to VP at the bank branch to impress her boyfriend’s parents. She is ambitious and turns down a credit extension to an old gypsy lady to prove she has backbone. Big mistake, the gypsy attacks her, and then curses her, and all Hell breaks loose... literally. She visits a medium who eventually explains to her that a demon will torment her for three days and then take her straight to Hell. Of course her professor boyfriend has a little trouble buying it all. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this is a classic like "Evil Dead" but it definitely follows that vein. If you like the camp humor mixed with horror then this is for you. A.
Dream Catcher- (1999) Stephen King... When will I learn? Trailers always look cool; the movies always start cool, then... It's always about kids who did something when they were young, grew up, still have memories of shit when they were kids, etcetcetc on and on ad infinitum... This movie started pretty cool then became one of the dumbest shows I've ever seen. Then the ending finally rolls around and dumb, rotten, stupid, ridiculous and other such adjectives don't do the ignorance justice. Don't even rent this for the ol'MST3K treatment. F
Driller Killer (1979)- This is the story of a struggling artist in New York City in the late 70s. He is obviously talented and is looking for that big break and thinks he has found it with his latest masterpiece, but he’s struggling for inspiration to finish it. He knows he and his two live in girlfriends are living on the edge as they’ve missed the rent payment and can’t afford the phone bill and electric bill. He becomes obsessed with the homeless fighting, sleeping, drinking, puking, and pissing in the streets around his apartment building in the asscrack of late 70s New York; obviously afraid that may end up being his fate. His paranoia slips into schizophrenia as a local punk rock band moves into the same building and take to practicing night and day. To find inspiration, relieve stress, and fight back against what his future holds he buys a portable power pack and takes to killing the homeless with his drill. He seems surprised when his actions start making the papers. After having his latest masterpiece rejected by his agent his girlfriend leaves him and the violence becomes personal and our artist slips beyond the point of no return. This movie sits in the never land between art house and grind house. It is very low budget and the acting and dialogue are pretty bad at times, but there is something in the cinematography that works and captures that bleak urban often hopelessly trapped environment. I think this could’ve been a great film if it had been edited a little more judiciously, the camera at times lingers too long in scenes and some parts just seem to go on forever with no real connection to the rest of the film. Basically, when it works, like the suspenseful sections and the scenes of the artist’s sanity slipping away it works, but some sections, like backstage at the club with the band, do nothing but take away from the pacing and feel of the film. It also offers us a real glimpse of the dying embers of the New York punk scene, not the forced punk silliness of "Fear No Evil" or the punk camp of "Return of the Living Dead". Although not nearly as violent as its reputation would have you believe, this still ain’t for everybody. C+.
Drive-In Massacre (1977)- Well, with a name like that… This is a pretty stupid attempt at being scary using old William Castle-like methods that went over great in the 50s when used on 12 year olds; Mid-70s on kids old enough to drive, probably not. A killer has taken to decapitating and slitting throats of couples at a particular drive-in. This drive-in used to be a carnival; does that have anything to do with it? A couple of the people working at the drive-in were carnies with jobs like sword swallower and knife-thrower; does that have anything to do with it? A guy wielding a machete takes a hostage at a warehouse; does that have anything to do with it? One guy in particular likes going to the drive-in to “beat his meat” (actual quote); does he have anything to do with it? A couple fat dim witted cops are out to find out. This flick could have easily been about 30 minutes long and nothing would’ve been missed. Needless to say it sucked, and yet there was such a crappy ‘we have no idea how to make a movie but we’re going to try anyway’ charm to it that I just can’t flunk it so I’ll give it a D+. Not worth seeing unless you are a sadist who must see every slasher-type movie ever made regardless of how crappy.
Duel (1971)- Another Matheson work. The movie description on satellite was something like "A truck driver tries to run a traveling salesman off the road." Which does pretty much sums up the movie but it is a little more exciting than that description would lead you to believe. This was released as a made for TV movie directed by Steven Spielberg (before he made a name for himself with "Jaws"). This is a tight little thriller that pulls you right in from the beginning and holds you there until the very end, despite most of the movie just being Dennis Weaver trying to out run a huge tanker truck in his little Plymouth. I remember digging this movie a lot when I was a kid and it holds up well. I can't find a specific reason to give this an A+ but I can't really find a reason not to so it may not really deserve it but I am going to give this one an A+ simply because I like it a lot.
Dunwich Horror, The (1970)- This is an interesting adaptation of the Lovecraft story of the same name, it’s just that Lovecraft stuff doesn’t always translate well to film. Sometimes it is just better to imagine things than to try and actually ‘see’ what they look like. Dean Stockwell plays a very low key role as a member of one of the ‘cursed’ families Lovecraft liked writing about. Stockwell’s family was once into black magic and his grandfather was hung for it, however it seems his experiments succeeded and Stockwell is the result of those experiments, but he’s only half the result, his twin brother is stuck between our world and the world of the Elder Gods, who are trying to return to earth (as in Lovecraft’s cosmology). Stockwell will need the help of an innocent young maiden to complete the deal, bad special effects and late 60s art cinematography ensue. Over all this isn’t a bad flick, but it isn’t great, I couldn’t really tell if they were being serious or hamming it up here and there, I think it was a little of both. This doesn’t quite measure up to the American International Poe movies but if you like the Lovecraft mythos and don’t mind a little cheese smeared on top of it you’ll probably like it. I’ll give it a C.
Earth vs. The Flying Saucers (1956)- Ray Harryhausen’s effects are the star in this one. Sure it’s old school stop motion animation but taking everything in context the look of this one is great. The plot? The US is launching satellites into orbit and each one is failing and crashing and all evidence points to them being shot down. The flying saucers show up, destroy the launch facility (after being attacked by ‘shoot first ask questions later’ soldiers), and kidnap the general. After contacting the lead scientist (who is married to the general’s daughter), and telling him they basically mean to take over the earth, all efforts are made to develop a weapon that will interfere with the magnetic drive on the saucers. The aliens realize what is up and make an all out attack on Washington DC with some of the most famous special effects sequences ever filmed. Sure this one is a dated 50s sci-fi flick with typical ‘The Commies' are coming background, but it still has everything for the lover of such flilms. If you dig this stuff this is a must see, if you don’t you’ll be rolling your eyes throughout. I happen to dig it. A.
Eaten Alive (1977)- Tobe Hooper’s follow up to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" has us visit another piece of 70s dying Americana in a hotel with a ‘zoo’ sideshow. The hotel is set back in the swamps of the south and run by a muttering insane war vet who keeps a crocodile (not a little ol’ gator) in his swamp. All Hell breaks loose when he realizes one of his guests is a whore from the local brothel, and he’s having none of that in his hotel. He feeds her to the croc and then, in a black comedy of errors, continues his rampage. Filled with oddball characters and skirting that boundary between reality and nightmare, this flick is just plain odd. It follows the formula of "Texas...", with a little more oddity tossed in, for instance the characters are at times even more over the top, like Buck the local redneck, the old bat that runs the whorehouse, the oddball parents whose daughter’s dog is eaten by the croc, and of course Judd, the great character who runs the hotel, and the red tint used throughout much of the movie, but the film lacks that visceral bunch in the gut that "Texas..." provided. If you like 70s drive in insanity then you’ll want to see this, but for me, other than the character Judd, it just didn’t offer up much but lots of screaming. I’ll give it a C+ because Judd was awesome.
Empire of the Ants (1977)- Hilarious giant ant flick chock full of 70s fashion, over-acting, under-acting, and basic non-sense. I love these flicks and this one gives the best of the worst 50s schlock a run for its money. Joan Collins is a snippy bitch who makes a living ripping people off with bogus land deals. Her latest deal has her treating everyone like crap and asking folks to buy beach front land, beach front land near where they dumped some nuclear waste. Needless to say ants have eaten the waste and have become HUGE! Is this a sequel to ‘Them’? Anyway, there is lots of screaming (by the ants), hilariously bad effects, and geography that makes no sense at all (this is an island they had to take a boat to but they wind up in a river that apparently somehow does NOT empty back in the ocean, then they find a town with highways and everything, maybe that was part of the rip off deal Joan was running.) Anyway, this gets a solid A+ on the craptacular scale!
End of Days (1999)- Hilarious take on the ‘Satan Needs a Son’ sub-genre. These flicks were huge in the late 60s early 70s as the ‘cultural revolution’ started and fizzled, then kind of died out as the slasher movie took off in the mid-70s, but they popped up again there for a short while as we were all supposedly afraid of the end of the millennium (why would gods, devils, demons, etc. concern themselves with humans’ highly inaccurate Gregorian calendar?). Anyway, here we have boozin’ investigator Arnold trying to act his way out of a wet paper bag. Satan is roaming around, seemingly all powerful, yet can’t really do anything right, or should that be rite. His ineptitude pales only in comparison to the ineptitude of the people trying to stop him! I’m pretty sure if there was a Satan this is NOT how he would conduct his business. However, if you want a great ‘modern’ flick for the MST3K treatment look no further (Prior to consummating, does Satan really need a big ceremony, and if so, to who, himself? Why can’t he simply FIND the girl, he can do about everything else?) Maybe it should get a B on the Craptacular scale.
Equinox (1970)- Tough one to grade, it was student film (so it may have actually gotten a real grade) that Criterion did their treatment to. It is chock full of goofy dialogue and “Hey let’s explore that cave and hang around these woods despite all the signs we should really just leave” kind of disjointed horror movie logic. The acting is painful at times and the dialogue and dubbing verge on hilarious. But it tends to rise above those things (keeping in mind the budget etc) at times with an interesting plot which would be fairly closely mirrored in Raimi’s first ‘Evil Dead’, pretty good Claymation monsters (I’m not saying the FX are good, but more than passable considering), and a nice wrap around ending. The plot follows a college student who gets a weird call from one of his professors. He wants to head out to the professor’s cabin in the woods to find out what is up, but his friend wants to go on a double date/picnic so they kill two birds with one stone and head out to picnic after checking in on the professor. What they actually find is the professor’s cabin demolished and a weird old guy who has a book full of spells and incantations. The book is apparently in demand too. If you like to check out the cheap goofy horror flicks, student projects, or are curious about the plot since you like ‘Evil Dead’ (I’m not saying this is much like ‘Evil Dead’, just a similar plot), then be brave, check it out. I’m not sure what to grade it to be honest, it seems almost unfair to put it on the craptacular scale, but it would also be unfair to good movies to NOT put it there, so I will give it an A+ on the craptacular scale.
Eraserhead (1977)- Um... A guy gets a girl pregnant and goes to meet her parents who serve him these Cornish game hen type of things that wiggle their legs and eject blood from their asses. The girl then has a mutant baby and the two live in a terrible apartment where a lady lives in the radiator and sings and the baby cries all night. The guy has his head turned into pencil erasers and a guy pulls levers that control things, or maybe not. I first saw this film when I was about 13 and it left an indelible impression on me that I can't quite shake to this day. It is a masterpiece but one only to be viewed by people who appreciate edgy avante garde bizarreness. I loved it and knew if I ever made a movie it would be much like this, with no connection to reality and no cohesive plotline. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want every movie to be like this one, but when they are done this way and they work I really dig them. I read one time that if a movie could cause actual psychological damage "Eraserhead" would be the one to do it. Yeah, that's about right. It is a dark and ugly world these people live in and after watching the film I felt 'dirty'. David Lynch wrote and directed this and filmed it in black and white. Perfect in almost every way and Lynch would go on to direct critically acclaimed films such as "The Elephant Man" and big budget fair like "Dune" as well as other art house stuff. A+
Escape From The Planet of the Apes (1971)- The Planet of the Apes series redeems itself with this 3rd entry. Cornelius, Zira, and Dr. Milo (a filler character used to explain how the apes learned to fly the space ship) take Taylor’s ship back in time to 1973 just as the world ends (the doomsday bomb in "Beneath the Planet of the Apes") in their time. The apes become celebrities until a scientist begins putting 2 and 2 together and figures their offspring (Zira’s pregnant) could lead to man’s downfall, which is obviously part of the future if things aren’t done to stop it. It is interesting to me that it is actually a doctor that is the ‘villain’ and wanting to abort the baby chimp and sterilize the remaining advanced apes and not a military general or politician, who are the usual close minded culprits (the president actually argues that if it is man’s destiny to fall then so be it). Much of the film is a feel good story about the apes as they live the good life, but the sinister streak running just below the surface is soon exposed and we are subjected to tragedy of Shakespearian proportions. A
Evictors, The (1979)- Low budget flick with a Made for TV feel. A couple moves into an old house that apparently has a reputation for fatal accidents, or maybe they aren’t accidents, that started occurring after the owners were evicted in the 20s. Is it their ghosts? Or is someone just trying to keep folks from living in the house. This movie was about as exciting as my description and the goofy twist ending I saw coming for miles didn’t help either. Over all this is pretty tame stuff, I didn’t hate it, but I sure didn’t like it much either. D
Evil Dead (1981)- Is it camp or is it horror? Or is it a perfect mix of both? I vote for the latter. A group of college kids set out for a vacation in a secluded cabin in the mountains of Tennessee. They find a tape with incantations on it left by a previous visitor. They play the incantations and release the evil dead. Made on a shoestring budget and ignored by mainstream Hollywood, this movie quickly became an underground hit and for good reason. It is scary, full of jolts, gore, and possessed disgusting people, and still remains campy along the way. There's a great decapitation scene borrowed from "The Plague of Zombies" too. A+.
Evil of Frankenstein, The (1964)- Hammer did make Frankenstein out to be one evil cat except in The Evil of Frankenstein where he's suddenly a misunderstood scientist. Frankenstein is again run out of town so this time he returns to the original town he was run out of to start his experiments again in his own castle, which has been looted but good by the locals. Luckily he stumbles across his old monster (this movie has no continuity with the older Hammer Frankenstein movies). This movie has the usual good Hammer productions and Peter Cushing does his usual professional work as the Dr. but it ends up being a let down. The monster is a pale copy of Jack Pierce's Universal make up and never really produces any feelings of horror or sympathy. The Frankenstein mythos is just so much harder to work with than the Dracula/Vampire mythos. C-.
Exorcism of Emily Rose, The (2005)- Once in a great while a movie comes along that is so nearly perfect that no more movies on the subject need to be made. "The Exorcist" should have pretty much closed the book on movies about exorcism. Let's face it; they are usually silly and unbelievable hokum that pale in comparison. There are exceptions though, and this is one of them. The story revolves around a priest and his lawyer. The priest is accused of neglectful homicide for allowing a young woman to die while she was under his care. The prosecutor is a man of faith; the defendant's lawyer is agnostic and all business. In a series of flashbacks we are given the story as the priest sees it, which is then torn up by the prosecution. Maybe more court room drama than horror, but it does pack some scares at the right moments. The movie never asks you to believe; it only suggests that possession is a "possibility." It's all interestingly and effectively done and the acting carries the movie over the top. A+.
Exorcismus (2010)- A young girl is pissed when her parent’s won’t let her go to a concert and she throws a fit, such a fit she has convulsions. All tests are negative, maybe she’s crazy. During her first session with a psychologist, the psychologist dies. Maybe she needs her uncle the disgraced priest; disgraced because coincidentally he screwed up an exorcism attempt some time back. Will he attempt another on a family member? What price will be paid and will he use the opportunity to clear his name? Good enough idea, well executed at times, but then, yeah, possession. If you’ve read much of my site you may know ‘The Exorcist’ is my favorite horror flick, it set the bar too high for me regarding possession movies. The possession parts are laughable. The little girl tries to look scary; the make-up guys bought the contacts, the sound guys recorded a stupid, I mean scary sounding voice. But it just comes off as very flat and forced, and almost laughable. It’s all probably an allegory for how the Catholic abuse scandal has destroyed families anyway. Nice try though I have to give it a D.
Exorcist, The (1973)- A little girl is possessed by the devil, or maybe she's just really pissed that her dad abandoned her and her mom is always working. One priest believes the latter but another believes the former. They perform the exorcism. In my humble opinion this is the greatest horror movie ever made and I doubt it will ever be outdone. The acting and directing make it feel almost as though you're watching a documentary and the effects, especially the sound, are second to none. There simply are no weak spots in this movie (or in the book it was based on). A+.
Exorcist II, The: The Heretic (1977)- Basically in my opinion "The Exorcist" is the greatest horror movie ever made, bar none. To rise to heights like that and then follow with CRAP like this is amazing. I mean sequels usually pale in comparison to the originals but this is CRAZY!!! "The Exorcist" had people fainting and running from the theatre in fear. "The Exorcist II" had people laughing and running from the theatre while laughing their asses off. Regan's a little older now and has some bad memories, blahblahblah. This one is only good for the ol'MST3K treatment. F
Exorcist III, The: Legion (1990)- Could this franchise be saved after the debacle of "The Exorcist II: The Heretic"? Yes. This is a very moody piece, which creates a great atmosphere, and despite the far-fetched plot some great veteran actors take the material very seriously. George C. Scott plays the detective who worked the Dennings case back in "The Exorcist". Apparently he became friends with the priests after the events went down and now it looks like a serial killer who was executed the same night the exorcism took place may be back. And who is that man in isolation in the criminal section of the hospital? Why it's Chucky. This movie was mostly ripped on when it came out but I feel it holds up really well and effectively creates an atmosphere of fear and suspense. It contains some great, albeit over the top dialogue too. The ending, where the priest shows up for the exorcism was tacked on as the studio said if the film was called The Exorcist then there needs to be an exorcism. You can tell it was added as an after thought and weakens the over all effect of the movie but that, and a couple scenes like old people crawling on the ceiling, aren't enough to ruin a great effort. B+.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)- This movie starts off with a big nod to the original by basically (trying) to replicate the original beginning. The original had an intense almost claustrophobic feel, this one feels like it was filmed on a stage somewhere, still the thought is nice. An ex-priest current archeologist is paid to find an artifact in a church that was buried in Africa hundreds of years before Christianity had found it's way to the area. When he gets there he realizes things aren't what they seem, even though he's no longer a true believer. The acting throughout is overly melodramatic even before anything 'strange' begins to happen. The twist at the end was good but too little too late. The plot is OK but poorly executed and the actual exorcism is not staged well at all. Why does everything have to be an action movie nowadays? It was the subtle, almost documentary feel that made "The Exorcist" work so well to begin with. Material like this just ends up being silly if it's not done in the right way and that's what happens here. D+.
Eye, The (2002)- Slowly paced Asian horror flick about a blind musician who receives a cornea transplant and can see again, problem is now she sees dead people... Yeah, it is almost as predictable as it sounds and too slow moving at times, yet in many ways it works. The acting is great, the main character is obviously terrified, yet not in a whiney annoying way , and it also works in the fact that she has been blind since the age of two and is unsure if she should be seeing what she is seeing or not. All interestingly thought out, often executed well, just not that great of a story over all.B.
Eyes Without A Face (1960)- I've seen this movie on many critics' top ten horror movie lists. It's the story about a doctor whose daughter's face was mangled in a car wreck that he feels was his fault. He's an expert in transplant surgery and goes about transplanting girls' faces onto his daughter's, trying to get one that will match. And through it all his daughter is inching towards insanity. This movie sits somewhere between art house and horror. There are lots of scenes of people walking up and down stairs and driving around in hilarious French cars that look like they are made of sheet metal. Much of the soundtrack seems very inappropriate too, like circus music or something. Still, this film is ahead of its time and if it wasn't black and white it could easily pass for something made 20 years later. A.
Fall of the House of Usher, The (1960)- Richard Matheson's script is pretty faithful to Poe's tale of a man held prisoner in his house and haunted by the past deeds of his nefarious family members. The house is crumbling around them and there are no heirs and he plans on keeping it that way as a suitor tries to woe away his sister, who he has also kept in his prison. Vincent Price plays Roderick Usher in a very subdued believable manner and we are never totally clued into whether or not Usher is insane or if in fact what he says is true. This is part of the power of the film along with the magnificent sets and great acting. While I liked the film quite a bit I don't feel that it is the masterpiece many reviewers set it up to be so I'll give it a strong B.
Family Plot (1976)- A Hitchcock dark comedy about a fake (or is she fake?) spiritualist who is tasked with finding the rightful heir to a huge fortune. He was born out of wedlock 40 years prior to a family that didn’t want to deal with a scandal so he was adopted out. Turns out he isn’t such a great guy now and makes a good living as both a jewel salesman and crook and isn’t above murder either. This is a very well made flick and full of good plot twists and turns but I’m not sure who the intended audience is. Not one of Hitch’s better flicks and the suspense is subdued by the comedy elements, probably really only good for Hitchcock completists. I’ll give it C+.
Fangs of the Living Dead (1968)- I was stoked when the wife scored this pre "Blind Dead" Ossorio flick for a buck. After seeing it I realized why it was a buck. It starts of with a woman finding out, just before her wedding, she has inherited a castle from the mother she never knew. She heads out to find out what gives and we’re off to a pretty unoriginal start. After arriving we get the typical scared villagers, cranky henchman helper, and large scary castle sitting above the village below. Turns out the women’s family are vampires created by her grandmother back in the day as she experimented with extending life, or something like that. Or maybe the whole thing is an elaborate plot to steal the gal’s inheritance. To be honest I have no idea. This is a slow mover and terrible acting, rotten dubbing, and piss poor comedy relief ruin any good atmosphere it creates. I’ll give it a D- because the locations were good.
Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)- Strictly speaking this isn't horror. Strictly speaking I'm not sure what it is. Some would lump Russ Meyer in with the Ed Wood types but that wouldn't be quite fair. Meyer's stuff is much edgier and better directed, maybe not much better written, but just done better. Here we have three go-go dancers out for some fun. Their 'leader' is an anti-social verging on psychopath. She winds up killing a guy after a car race and then takes his girlfriend along since she is a witness. They come across an old cripple who lives with his sons and may have some money stashed on his ranch. The girls would like to get their hands on that money but just maybe that crippled old guy has plans of his own for the women. Chronologically and thematically it sits right between that 60s loss of innocence with Kennedy's assassination in 1963 and the hippy Summer of Love in 1967. This is an edgy, funny, and at times annoying movie that is really hard to grade. I liked it as it was original but it is not quite a masterpiece, in the 60s kitsch sense of the word. B+
Fear No Evil (1981)- Wow. I’ll cut to the chase. This movie is total crap! Terrible! How can a movie like this be made and the director etc. not just know that it is going to suck? I guess by the time they realize that it’s too late and they have to produce a product. A priest kills the human incarnation of Lucifer; the priest is the human incarnation of an archangel (Gabriel, Raphael, or one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I can’t remember now). Of course the authorities don’t believe him and put him in jail. His sister continues to fight the good fight (she’s actually an angel too) but can’t do it alone; problem is she can’t find the third archangel. Lucifer is reborn and just after his eighteenth birthday starts getting his reign ready, well sort of, he ruins a local play which I guess marks the beginning of the end of the world. It’s a good thing too ‘cause the kids at school are picking on him. Guys making out with him in the shower, offering him free weed and such. The bullies at this school are weird. Lucifer acts odd and kills animals to drink their blood (why, if he is in fact an archangel also, just a rebellious one, would he need to do that). Anyway, he rises up some zombies who I guess are supposed to be demons like Beelzebub and such. They stumble around carrying pitchforks, axes, and gas cans (?) and promptly kill off some of the rebel rousers from Lucifer’s school. Luckily the priest’s sister has found the other archangel in time for her to stand there and do nothing at all. Hilariously bad dialogue mixed with some rotten special effects follows in the not so exciting climax. An awesome punk soundtrack can’t help this one, a plain and simple F.
Fearless Vampire Killers, The (1967)- If Benny Hill had made a vampire movie, this would’ve probably been it. Slapstick combined with innuendo, bathing women, and cleavage. A couple bumbling vampire hunters are on the trail of a count. While staying at an inn the count kidnaps the inn keeper’s daughter, makes a vampire or two and hijinks ensues. Polanski directs and stars and also, in a weird way, makes this work. It looks good from the out door shots in the Alps to the indoor sets filmed in England everything is picture perfect, and the acting, while obviously over the top in a 3 Stooges sort of way, works also. If that sounds like your bag be sure and check this one out, I’ll give it a very strong B+, could’ve used a tad faster pace at times.
Fido (2006)- The story of a boy and his dog...er zombie. "Is Timmy in trouble Fido?" I heard a lot of bad stuff about this one but those are probably people that expected "Shaun of the Dead" again. Sure it’s supposed to be a funny horror movie about zombies but the similarities end there. In the future (past), after the zombie wars, Zomcon has found a way to domesticate the zombie. Of course precautions have to be taken, but, for the most part, everyone is safe. When a security expert from Zomcom moves into the neighborhood, things are bound to be secure, or maybe that will end up making things worse. Since I expected nothing I was pleasantly surprised at the strange approach of this one. I thought it would be derivative in some sense but it came across as pretty original, an odd "kitchen of tomorrow’ 1950s vibe, like a weird Twilight Zone or something. There are lots of ‘hat tips’ to other zombie movies too but I’ll leave those for you to find. I’m not sure what to grade this, the writing, directing, and acting were all good, the story pretty original (yeah, it expands on the end of "Shaun of the Dead" but it does it in an offbeat way), but I’m not too sure it qualifies as horror actually. I will give it an A, that may be generous but I can’t find a reason not to give it an A.
Fiend Without a Face (1958)- Yeah, on the surface it seems like another goofy 50s sci-fi flick, but actually, all things considered, this one was pretty far ahead of its time. Deaths begin piling up around a military base that is using nuclear power to drive its new radar stations to monitor Soviet missile and military bases. Could it be the radiation, could it be a local scientist, could it be aliens? This flick is a little more ‘grey’ than most of this era; there really are no good guys or bad guys. Everyone is ‘sort of’ to blame in one way or another (either directly via involvement or indirectly via paranoia). In other words the tough guys are wrong sometimes, the women (woman) isn’t stupid and helpless, and the military doesn’t come off as some perfect spotless organization (although they’ll make sure everything is right by the end). Also, I guess this caused quite a stir when it was released because it didn’t hesitate to show folks being killed and also lots of blood splattering brains (albeit via some not so great Claymation and in black and white!). I’m going to give this one a pretty strong B+, give it a chance unless you absolutely hate 50s era sci-fi.
Final Destination (2000)- The slasher flick with a twist. This time the slasher is in fact death itself, which has to work very hard to kill off these kids (especially in the killer clothesline/ downed power line/ spilled gas scene)! Anyway, a kid has a dream that the plane he's on is going to crash. He and a couple other passengers get off the plane, which of course does crash, and now death is pissed off that they were spared so it comes after them, slowly, but surely. While over all the film isn't too original and is just an excuse to find interesting ways to off teens, it does work on some level. It's believably acted and pretty tense at times with the knowledge death is just around the corner, as is the FBI, still trying to figure how that kid knew the plane was going to crash. B+.
Flesh and the Fiends, The (1960)- Classic black and white flick telling the mostly true story of Burke and Hare, a couple grave robbers back in the grave robber days who find a local doctor willing to pay top dollar for fresh cadavers, and what’s the best way to get a fresh cadaver? This is almost a black comedy with great performances by Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasance (as well as everyone else). Although not gory by today’s standards, in 1960 this was probably a tad edgy. An all-around great British Horror from the early 60s, A+.
Flesh Eater (1988)- The guy with the bit part (and distinction) of being the first zombie seen in Romero’s "Night of the Living Dead" decided that was qualification enough for him to make his own zombie film. He was wrong. We start off with some college kids on a hay ride, zombies (this time awaken by some sort of black magic curse) attack and the kids head off to hide out in a farm house. Sound familiar? From there we just kind of travel along in a totally plotless way from person to person, none of which have anything to do with the story, as much as there is a story anyway. I think really it was an excuse for the guy to bite girls while they were topless. This is low budget crap with nothing to offer but some MST3K treatment. The writing, directing, editing, sound, and acting all suck ass but it is fun to rip on (the Halloween party scene in the barn is fertile fun-making ground indeed). B+ on the craptacular scale.
Flight to Mars (1951)- more 50s sci-fi at its best. To be fair this one isn’t quite ‘so bad it’s great’, but it’s close. A rocket is built and sent to Mars, in what really feels like a totally haphazard way. The astronauts are kind of picked at the last minute for weird reasons and when they arrive they are greeted by a great Martian civilization that apparently discovered the mini-skirt prior to earthlings. Subterfuge ensues and we’re not sure who to trust, well, actually we’re pretty sure and the end is a rock’em sock’em smash up of low budget detail. A on the craptacular scale.
Fly, The (1958)- Classic 50s sci-fi/horror about a scientist who ‘plays god’ by making a teleportation device. Not sure how exactly making a teleportation device is ‘playing god’ anymore than making a car or an airplane would be. Anyway, while testing the device out on himself a fly gets into the pod and his genes are fused with the flies when he is reassembled, creating a half human half fly, and a half fly half human. Without the fly-human the human-fly can’t try and undo the catastrophe. All this is told in flashback to the scientist’s brother and a police inspector by the scientist’s wife, who is being charged with murder as she admits she killed her husband by putting his head (and arm) in a machine press. Yikes! Vincent Price plays the brother-in-law in a very understated way and over all the acting is great. Yeah, there is the over-the-top ‘gee Beav’ 50s idyllic home life of the mad scientist, his wife, annoying dumbass son, and housekeeper, complete with lots of ‘ain’t life grand’ violin music, which I guess is suppose to juxtapose against the horror that is to come, and yes, the effects are dated, but this is still a better than most 50s monster movies. The colors, directing, and dialogue for the most part work really well. I’d say this is pretty much classic status, and was one more step towards Vincent Price becoming the horror cult icon he became. A.
Following (1998)- Nice gritty flick about a guy who is obsessed with following people. He gets busted following a guy who happens to be a burglar; he goes with him on some jobs and realizes he likes the excitement, but finds out, too late I might add, that he is in over his head. This is short, grainy and gritty, low budget and not really horror but I’m going to give it a strong A, I was hooked all the way through.
Food of the Gods (1976)- Wow, giant wasps, giant worms, giant chickens, and giant rats and this ain't even Japan! These creatures find The Food of the Gods, greedy folks, scientists, professional football players, a pregnant lady, a bible beater... What more could you ask for? Some football players need to get away so they cruise out to the boonies and are soon set upon by giant beasties. All Hell breaks lose and one of the football players tries to help people survive while all they do is piss and moan without offering any other solutions. This is very bad stuff! I'm going to give this a B because it is one of those train wrecks that are so much fun to watch and make fun of. Yes, MST3K away! Deserves an F but... B
Foreign Correspondent (1940)- I have to admit, I had a hard time getting into the first 45 minutes or so of this flick. Some dated humor, silly ‘tough guy’ reporter bits, stuff that generally makes dated movies well, dated. A reporter is sent off to Europe to cover the gathering clouds of war in the late 30s. He’s a smartass I guess just out for a story and a good time when a Danish treaty negotiator is assassinated right in front of him. From that point on we’re back in Hitch territory, with tense chase scenes, tense scenes of people hiding and almost getting caught, more assassination attempts, and twisty murder/intrigue plot. Several scenes rank up there as classics including the chase just after the assassination in the rain, shot from above all we see are hats and umbrellas, and the scene in the windmill, with the wind blowing the mill turning and someone lurking around every corner are just two among many. Yes, this is an almost shameless propaganda film trying to convince Americans that remaining neutral was not an option as WWII was starting up, but Hitch was able to pull it off by putting together a great film that despite a few unavoidable dated elements remains strong today. A
Forgotten, The (2004)- This was a weird one. I was looking for one of those predictable psychological thrillers. You know the ones. A lady is in counseling because she can't get over losing her son. Then everyone begins trying to convince her she never actually had a son, she suddenly becomes an action hero, etcetc. This is more or less what happens but then all of a sudden about half way through everything suddenly takes a scifi turn. Some may think this was the easy way out but I thought it was kind of good. They took a formula movie and combined it with another formula movie and ended up with something fairly original. I guess going in it's not what I expected at all and they were able to pull it off with a straight face. B.
Fourth Kind, The (2009)- It’s hard to write this review without spoiling at least some things, I won’t spoil the ending but I do have to say something, ready? This movie is not real at all, none of it is, the ‘real’ parts are fake too, it’s all actually pretty obvious and I doubt I really ruined anything but there it is. However going in I didn’t know this and as the movie got more and more insane (murder/suicide, levitation, paralysis, ancient alien theory, Sumerian gods) I realized it was total crap and the director was trying to dupe me! And there in lies the rub. Had they not tried to convince me something obviously not real was real and just had me go in and suspend belief like I normally do with a flick like this I probably would’ve liked it. Oh the irony, but as you can see, I didn’t like it. So what’s going on? Strange events and folks disappearing in Nome, Alaska make a local psychologist start putting 2 and 2 together and realize folks aren’t so much disappearing but are being abducted by aliens. As she, through hypnosis, has them remember the events they tend to really loose control and things go from bad to worse, and from only kind of silly to flat out crazy dumb. Still, had I not ended up feeling like they tried to fool me I might have liked this, but we’ll never know. Suffice it to say, for me it just didn’t measure up I’ll give it D+, should’ve just taken this idea and ran with it as a regular flick rather than working in fake ‘documentary’ footage.
Frankenstein (1931)- This movie has the expected flaws for one so old. The bad old school acting, the silly 'chase scene' near the end. The story sort of follows Shelley's book, but leaves massive gaps. For instance, it seems the monster 'just happens' to find Dr. Frankenstein's fiancé's room, but we know from the book the monster was smart and planned it all along. But despite its flaws I feel it is the strongest of the original Universal monster movies. The sets are great, especially the lab scenes, which are second to none, and the makeup job on Boris Karloff is probably the best of all time. Plus, despite all the makeup, you realize what a tragedy this is for the Monster. The scenes with Fritz teasing him with the torch and the scene near the lake with the little girl were way ahead of their time, and still very effective. Dr. Frankenstein calling out "Now I know what it feels like to be God" was ahead of its time too. Though it all seems very tame now, this was a controversial flick back in the day. A.
Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell (1974)- Hammer’s last foray into the Frankenstein character and they bring it to a close on a pretty strong note. Here we find the baron living nicely in an insane asylum. There are plenty of test subjects in a place like that, and luckily, a bright new assistant too. The baron has some dirt on the asylum’s director so he pretty much has the run of the place and has been building a new man, with his usual ‘science first’ completely emotionless approach. Peter Cushing had perfected this part and plays it perfectly straight here for the last time. B+
Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)- Another example of pretty goofy material played straight as an arrow by Peter Cushing. Everyone involved knew this was pretty bad stuff. Frankenstein finds a way to trap the human soul and when his assistant is wrongly executed for murder, well, a perfect opportunity to try out his experiment; Couple that with his assistant’s girlfriend committing suicide when she finds out her boyfriend has been executed and you have a fresh place to put the soul. It is an insane take on ‘Romeo and Juliette’ for sure, along with the ‘Frankenstein should stop messing with Mother Nature’ lesson. It is very goofy, and a tad disappointing, but if you must see all things Hammer, then by all means, check it out! C+
Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)- I know what you're thinking; why the Hell would I even watch a movie called "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man"? Wouldn't it be everything that I hate about modern horror movie sequels? Bad acting, bad effects, silly plot, rehashed original story in a watered down sequel? Well yes and no. I have a weakness for those old horror flicks, especially the Universal Monsters, which is what this is. This time Bela Lugosi is Frankenstein's monster (he played a were-wolf in The Wolf Man and of course Dracula so he's done the Big Three) and Lon Cheney Jr. returns as the Wolf-Man. He needs to visit Dr. Frankenstein to help him with his little full moon problem; instead of finding the Dr. he finds the castle in ruins and the monster stuck in the basement. Yeah it's silly, but it's also good stuff for those that like this sort of thing. The acting is actually pretty good (Lugosi is an over-the-top Monster, as should be expected though) and the effects, especially the lab scenes are great (of course the wolf transformation leaves a lot to be desired after seeing An American Werewolf In London and The Howling, but hey, it was the 40s). If you like the genre you'll like this, if not you probably won't. I give it a D+.
Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)- The good doctor keeps having his experiments messed up by people and now the police are hot on his trail again. He takes on another alias and moves in a boarding house to lay low, but ego and good fortune (or other's misfortune) get him again and open the door for more experiments. This time he must save a colleague, who was into the same experiments, from insanity and the insane asylum. He must do this by performing a brain transplant. A very original and well-acted extension of the Frankenstein story. It goes without saying that the monster is actually Frankenstein, not, well, The Monster, which isn't in this one anyway. If you like Hammer films you'll really like this one. A.
Freaks (1932)- I can describe this movie in three words: "Strange but classic". It is the story of circus 'freaks' that seek revenge when someone tries to take advantage of one of their own. There are the 'regular folk' who laugh at the freaks and there are the 'regular folk' who are friends with the freaks, and then there are the two circus performers, the trapeze artist and the strong man, who try and take advantage of a dwarf 'freak' who actually happens to be loaded. This leads to the classic revenge scene at the end. Tod Browning directed and like his direction in "Dracula" he wavers between static staginess and cutting edge technique, the revenge ending being pretty cutting edge for 1932 with the camera stationed under wagons, and in the mud as the 'freaks' crawl through the rain and muck to exact their revenge. Yeah, it's dated and even the best prints are at times hard to hear but this is a must see for anyone interested in the history of horror and censorship. A+
Freddie Vs. Jason (2003)- Plot? Freddie vs. Jason. Freddie needs Jason to scare up some victims so he gets him out of Hell. Said plan backfires. Well, what can you expect from a movie with a title like this? Very predictable, stereotypical, little effort put forth by anyone involved. Bad acting, poor writing, crappy directing, but hey, what's not to love? If you go into this with idea it's more camp then horror you probably won't be disappointed. Still, it could've been a lot better, just keep in mind this ain't the "Godfather." C.
Frenzy (1972)- A later Hitchcock vehicle about a man wrongly accused of serial rape and murder. The tale is weaved around the man, his running from the law, professed innocence, and his set up by the real killer. Like many Hitchcock films we the audience are pretty much let in on what is happening and who is to blame as the plot develops so the suspense doesn't derive from any mystery but instead from our desire to see the story through and find out just exactly what will happen to the guilty and to the innocent (if in fact there really are any innocent). This movie is full of the typical black comedy and light humor that Hitch so often put in his movies. He somehow always maintained a perfect balance of so many emotions and so many layers in his films and this is a perfect example of that. A.
Friday the 13th (1980)- Move the town-with-a-secret movie to a campground and you have a whole new movie to make. Jason was a freak and the camp counselors made fun of him. Then he drowned in the lake and they closed Camp Crystal Lake. Then, some time later, they reopened Camp Crystal Lake and sure enough, revenge is exacted on kids that had nothing to do with the Camp Crystal Lake back in the day. This was an OK movie, but not very original. The twist at the end got me the first time I watched it but I was pretty young so I don't know if it would work on me now (if I hadn't seen it before). Jason is a pretty good horror movie character but (PLOT SPOILER AHEAD) he isn't actually even in this movie and I'm pretty sure this one is responsible for more terrible sequels than any horror movie franchise, but I can't blame this one movie for all those train wrecks. Aside from creating a great character this franchise has little to offer. C.
Frightmare (1983)- Bizarre tale about a famous old school horror movie star who dies (in a long and bizarre way) and then has fun by staging his own funeral. (He knew he was dying so he made a film to play at his funeral.) Some of his biggest fans, who happen to also be film school students, promptly disinter the body and take it to a party (where the film goes off on a sort of a 70s psychedelic trip for a short while). Soon the crypt is found to be disturbed; a séance takes place, and the corpse of the movie star rises up to take revenge on those who disturbed him, even though they actually did it out of admiration. The plot is a lot like "Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things" except it is just one super powered zombie rather than an island full of normal zombies and the kids aren’t quite as annoying. This isn’t a bad movie, it creates OK atmosphere, but at times is terribly slow moving. The acting is OK; it just leans towards boring at times. I’ll drop a C on it.
From Beyond (1986)- Damn near made right smack in the middle of the 80s, and you would know that just by watching the first couple of minutes! Yes this flick is a product of its times, no way around it. Here we have the Lovecraft influenced theme of creatures coming from another dimension, this time because scientists have discovered the resonant frequency required to bridge the new dimension. Slimy over the top gore and lots of weird sex references follow. This is brought to you by the basically the same crew that brought us the great ‘Re-Animator’, and Jeffrey Combs again returns as a Miskatonic researcher in over his head, although this time a little more reluctantly. This has lots of over the top camp, like ‘Re-Animator’, but really doesn’t hold up nearly as well. But if you like 80s horror you should give this a viewing. B.
From Beyond the Grave (1974)- British horror omnibus with Peter Cushing running an antique shop called ‘Temptations’. You will find what you want in his store, but be careful not to try and take advantage of the old man, he knows the value of his goods, and he’ll cut you a deal, but you will be the one who pays! In story one a man buys an old mirror which seems to make people want to hold séances, and, as it turns out, there’s a reason for that. Someone is trapped in the mirror and they need human blood to trade places with someone outside. Predictable but well played I’ll give it a B. Story two sees a businessman, very unhappy with his home life, befriend a beggar (he steals a war medal from the shop in the wrap around story to impress the beggar) and winds up getting on very well with the beggar’s daughter. As the businessman’s dreams of a happy life look to be coming true, we realize something isn’t quite right, but of course it’s too late. This was a strange tail very well executed; I’ll give it a strong A. In story three a man trades the tags on an expensive snuff box to get it for cheap and winds up with an elemental on his shoulder. Only an eccentric psychic can see the elemental but soon enough the man believes her and wants an exorcism. This is more a comedy relief type of story and it works really well on that level, another A I think. The final story involves a man who must have a very ornate door for his pantry. Of course once mounted the door doesn’t open to his pantry, but to a large blue room with someone who seems intent on trapping people there. While this story seemed the weakest overall to me, the tie in to the wrap around was pretty good so watch closely. I’ll give it a B. That averages to an A- actually but I liked the wrap around with Cushing so much I’ll bump it to an A even.
From Within (2008)- Town with a secret and folks (mostly teens) dying different and brutal deaths and lots of other clichés crammed into 89 minutes. Sometime in the 90s the ‘slasher’ flick became the ‘killer ghost’ flick; basically the same only with a more ‘sinister force’ at work. I’m guessing it was due to the popularity of the Asian horror flicks in that vein. Anyway, this follows that trend to some degree. People in a small town kill themselves after seeing someone else do it, like a contagious virus. Obviously the fundamental Christians in town have something to do with it, and the wiccans who live on the outskirts of town probably do too. There’s enough blame to go around but the real question here is how to stop it. This is a pretty depressing flick, not that horror movies in general are sources of positive inspiration, but this one with the teen suicide bit, was more of downer. It was well done despite the clichés and short enough to stay interesting though so I’ll give it a B-.
Funeral Home (1980)- This Canadian export has that 'made for TV' feel to it. There's not much budget, but who needs that really, and there's very little originality, this movie makes no bones at all about basically being a reworking of "Psycho" (and it tips its hat at the end with a swinging light scene). The plot is pretty easy to figure out too with a not so well planted red herring. Still, this movie is a nicely paced, competently directed and acted little suspense thriller. An old lady who's husband has disappeared decides to turn his old funeral home into a bed and breakfast and with the help of her granddaughter she seems on the road to success. But those pesky guests keep disappearing too. The old gal does some great acting, as she mixes piety with insanity. The end, while maybe a tad too long, is well executed (no pun intended). B-.
Fury, The (1978): This starts out as an action adventure, slides into a rip off of "Carrie", eases back into spy/action/adventure mode, then ends with a terrible 70s sci fi thing. A secret agent man's son has very powerful ESP. He wants to send him to a special school to learn how to use it. Then "The Agency" kidnaps the son for some reason and proceeds to send him to the school his dad was sending him to anyway. His dad wants him back. At the same time a girl also has very powerful ESP. We know this because of experiments in her... ESP class? Anyway, kids make fun of her and she makes their nose bleed. Then she ends up in that special school, being watched by "The Agency". The agent wants her to help him find his son too. Cold War type espionage ensues. I was caught and pulled into this movie and liked about the first 2/3 but that last 1/3 was just too dumb. D+.
Fury of the Wolfman (1972)- A great early 70s train wreck brought to us by the great Paul Naschy! Really nothing about this one makes any sense at all. A man is bit by a werewolf and carries the curse; a woman scientist wants to control him. She has a bunch of freaks chained up in the basement of her castle. She captures the werewolf guy and chains him up, he escapes, goes on a rampage, apparently changes clothes, rampages some more, changes back, fights a zombie werewolf hybrid in his wife who he killed sometime earlier, and then a twist ending I am still trying to figure out rolls around. If you like horrifyingly bad dialogue, dubbing, acting, and editing that takes something already bad and lifts it to the realm of surreal then this is a must see! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Gaslight (1940)- This is the original version of the hit stage play. This is an English version that had never played in the US and four years after it was made MGM bought the rights to the story and to this version to ensure it wouldn't compete with theirs. Story wise this version is very similar with a couple notable exceptions. One, it is the husband who is the nephew of the murdered woman, not the wife as the niece. Two, the person who figures out what is going on is an older retired policeman not a younger detective. This movie moves faster and has a darker feeling to it than MGM's remake (MGM's moves subtly from a bright beginning into a dark end). Much of the plot and story remain the same though. A young wife feels she is slowly going insane as things around her house disappear and she hears noises each night in the attic as the gaslight dims. This version offers no real mystery as to what is going on, although the 'why' is left until the end. It is still a very effective version although the MGM remake is actually a little better. This is basically a filmed stage play and more supsense thriller than horror. A-.
Gaslight (1944)- Ingrid Bergman's aunt, who she lives with, is killed in a brutal murder and the killer is never found. Ingrid moves to Italy to train to become a great singer like her aunt. She meets the man of her dreams, marries him, and moves back into the house where her aunt was killed. Then she slowly begins losing her mind. Is the house haunted? Is she crazy? Is there foul play afoot? This movie is filled with great acting and great directing and is said to have been a major influence on Alfred Hitchcock. So much so he changed the entire direction of his career to make movies more in this vein (psychological thrillers). That was a good move! I would say that's reason enough to grant an A+.
Genesis (1998)- This probably doesn’t really qualify as horror but there are some ‘horrific’ scenes in it. It is a short film about a sculptor who loses his girlfriend (or wife, not sure which) in a car wreck that was apparently his fault. He makes a statue of her as lifelike as he can and things start to get weird at that point. It is an interesting glimpse into love lost and guilt and was well done (there is no dialogue at all). Be warned, it does verge on the ‘artsy’ so if you don’t like that then stay away. I’ll give it a B+.
Ghost, The (1963)- A sequel of sorts to "The Horrible Dr. Hitchcock", here we have Barbara Steele, with the aid of a young doctor, plotting the death of her crippled husband, Dr. Hitchcock. Their plan works but there are consequences to all actions as they are haunted by a vengeful ghost, a guilty conscience, and a rewritten will complete with missing jewels. This is a good suspense piece, a little over acted but mostly well done. You’ll see the twist at the end a mile away, but the little double twist was nice. It feels very much like a Hammer film. Hammer should’ve hired Steele for some of their productions. B.
Ghost, The (2004)- Korean flick that borrows heavily from "The Ring" and quite a bit from "The Grudge". Scary little girls, long black hair, weird eyes, a vengeful ghost, and lots of water all present and accounted for. A young college student has amnesia; she doesn’t remember anything prior to going to college. When two local girls die and one goes insane she finds out they were friends of hers when she was in high school and when she starts seeing very strange things she knows she has to investigate her past. Everything pretty much follows formula from then on and we get the answer we were expecting to get, until the twist ending, which pulled the old ‘I feel like I should watch this again now’ that has become pretty popular since "The Sixth Sense". This one is pretty derivative and, except for the twist, pretty predictable, but it is put together well and the acting and look work. If you can get past some of the unoriginality and like the mood set by these types of Asian horror flicks you’ll dig this, if you dislike the pace of these then better to stay away. B+.
Ghost in the Machine (1993): Ah, the 90s. Technology was taking over our lives and we were scared. OK, we really weren't scared but Hollywood thought we were scared. So they made movies about what could happen if, uh, if killers could get inside computers, move around as electricity, find address books, then kill etc. Wow, computer animation was still pretty new and in this movie it was abused quite a bit. This is some lame predictable stuff to avoid. F.
Ghost Galleon, The (1974)- If part two of the Blind Dead movies is the best, then this, part three, is the worst. A couple of fashion models take a boat out into the open ocean (a little speed boat?!?) in hopes of being rescued by a passing merchant ship and then creating lots of free publicity for the marketing firm they work for. A terrible plan that goes terribly awry when the girls wind up boarding the old apparently abandoned ship they float up to. A rescue party goes looking, but must enter another dimension to find the galleon and the girls. They do so and find the Templars and their treasure. Will dumping the Templars coffin/crates into the ocean save them? A couple of "I don’t know about you but I’m getting out of heres" later and we find out the answer to that one. This movie is ripe for the ol’ MST3K treatment. Horrible acting, hilarious dialogue, long boring sequences, no where near enough Templar zombies, and probably the worst 'ship on the ocean' effects ever filmed outside someone's bathtub. B on the craptacular scale.
Ghost of Frankenstein (1942)- Like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees of today, you can't keep a good monster down (and you get to see where many of Jason's resurrections were stolen from). Maybe they should stay down though. Not nearly as strong as the first three Frankenstein movies, Lon Chaney Jr. takes the roll of the monster, and while he's impressive, he lacks the character and tragedy Karloff was able to bring to the role. The plot? Well, Frankenstein's other son finds out that his father's monster is still alive, but not doing so well. Does he destroy the monster and move on, or does he help him and make him a man? Mankind's ego and refusal to accept nature's roll and control are, as always, the theme here. Sound familiar? Too much silly 'scientific explanations' and things like brain transplants for this to really work. Lugosi returns as Ygor though and saves the picture from being total train wreck. C.
Ghost Rider (2007)- I went into this expecting nothing at all and got precisely that. Johnny Blaze is on a motorcycle stunt team with his dad, his dad is dying of cancer, Johnny makes a deal with the devil to save his dad, the deal backfires, Johnny goes on to be a famous stunt rider, and becomes the Ghost Rider, who is the devil’s bounty hunter, when the devil’s son rebels and tries to take over earth. That could’ve worked pretty well but instead we have pretty much horribly written, horribly acted, horribly directed pap and more plot holes than I29 has potholes in February. However, this one is perfect for the old MST3K treatment! Have fun! Really an F but an A on the craptacular scale.
Ghost Ship, The (1943)- Val Lewton had a way with production and telling tales that otherwise might fall flat. This is a simple story of an old ship's captain taking on a new third mate and hoping to train him in the ways of authority. The captain is obsessed with the subject and spouts off snippets of his wisdom from years in charge of men at sea. Soon we begin to see many sides of the issue of authority, we see the pressure of constantly being 'in charge' and responsible for everything, including the men's lives, we see the effects of abuse of power and we see people acting as sheep and blindly following their leader. Pretty powerful stuff in this low budget thriller. And again, Lewton's production, despite a lower budget, looks great. Great black and white photography great acting, and great sets. A.
Ghost Story (1981)- Some old guys hang out in the same town they've always lived in. Getting together, telling scary stories, drinking, and hanging out. Of course, they have a terrible secret to hide and it comes back to haunt them in the form of one of their son's fiancés. She's a weird one all right but of course, things aren't what they seem. Not the best ghost story but far from the worst this works for the most part. The acting is good but the direction could've been better. There is some good suspense but not much atmosphere is ever created. B-.
Ghost Town (2008)- A comedic take on the "6th Sense" idea (remember "Frighteners"?). A dentist who hates everyone and everything has a near death experience during a colonoscopy and from that point on he is harassed by dead people who want favors from him, in particular one insistent businessman who doesn’t want his wife (widow) to marry the lawyer she is engaged to. Chock full of dry British humor and subtle what I’ll call ‘word humor’, the interactions between the dentist and everyone else (living and dead) is pretty funny. The movie works on several levels (ghost story, comedy, love story) and I thought it was very well directed and acted, the comedy was funny and the relationships were well done. Simple little flick. A.
Ghost Walks, The (1934)- Think of every cliché you can cram into one old school 'horror' movie from 1934 and then run that list through an amplifier and what you'll get back out is "The Ghost Walks". Wow, this is one dated sumbitch. I mean movies this old have to be forgiven as so much was still new but this is ridiculous. This is like someone doing a movie now and trying to make it LOOK like it was from 1934. From the stage acting and gesturing to the terrible camp comedy relief to horrible sound and hilarious skips in the film this baby is DATED! A playwright sets up a theater producer to come by and see his play and unknowingly be a part of the action. The play is about a killer at a dinner party. When it appears someone actually dies the actors stop the play but the producer never believes them, thinking the play is still continuing. It's an OK plot and it is done professionally, at least in a low budget crappy 1934 way. An odd thing about these old movies is they are really short but seem incredibly long, like a torture session. Not F material but pretty close. D-.
Ghoul, The (1933)- I give these old school flicks the benefit of the doubt, and I’ve read a lot of good stuff about this one, still, I hated it. It is basically a mix up of "The Cat and the Canary", "The Old Dark House", and "The Mummy" but isn’t as good as any of those. An old Egyptologist dies, but believes he will return from the dead as he has been studying and practicing the ancient Egyptian religion and has the secret to immortal life. He warns that if his Egyptian artifacts are tampered with he will return for revenge. The artifacts are tampered with and then we run the gamut about heirs, scary old houses, mystery about the missing artifact and who did it and who’s trying to throw who off the trial, etc. It is well filmed and Karloff does a good job (he was so obviously far ahead of everyone else with regards to acting as he is playing his part while everyone else is just reading their lines like they were practicing for a stage play). I just lost interest in the whole mystery angle and the print I watched was dark so much of the time I couldn’t tell who was doing what. I’ll give this a D as Karloff was good.
Giant Behemoth, The (1959)- Radiation leak, dead fishermen, giant prehistoric monster that sprays a radioactive fire kind of stuff, destroyed city, etc. Take The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and mix in Godzilla (which was itself influenced by The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms) and you have this very derivative flick; not a bad entry in the large lizard library just not overly original. Anyway, a fisherman dies from what must be radiation burns, evidence of a giant monster is found, the hunt is on, he makes land. You get the picture. C+.
Giant from the Unknown(1958)- Craptacular masterpiece about a legendary giant conquistador who led his men into North America looking for gold and was buried in an area that just might perfectly preserve bodies. I wonder what would happen if some archeologists were searching for him at the same time a series of freak thunderstorms began reanimating bodies in said area. This is some awesome 50s nonsense with plot holes the size of oceans, cardboard box acting, and stereotypes galore. SPOILER! I can’t help but mention that when the animal mutilations and first murder takes place the giant isn’t reanimated, so none of the early crimes were solved at all! Anyway, A+ on the craptacular scale.
Giant Gila Monster, The (1959)- I can describe this movie in 7 words and a contraction: Deuce Coupes, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Giant Gila Monster. That’s really all you need to know but if you want more... We have ‘the gang’; a group of hot rod drag racers with their souped up ’32 Fords tear assing around the sticks near this small town. They’re actually a good bunch of kids though, led by All-American caring correspondence course taking gear head Chase. He’s a hard worker and helps folks when he can, while fixing up hot rods and writing songs on the side. Chase works at Compton’s Garage, and Compton stores nitro-glycerin in is shed out back. Cut to the giant gila monster ripping cars right off the road as they pass. The local sheriff is overwhelmed, being the only peace officer for 10,000 square miles. He asks Chase for some help, since the local rich guy’s kid is one that’s missing and he’s breathing down the sheriff’s neck pretty hard. Chase is glad to help, of course, as long as he can steal the parts off of some of the cars the giant gila monster has ripped from the road. They start to figure things out after the giant gila monster tears down a train bridge and the survivors all say they saw it, now they’ll have to believe the town drunk who bought his Ford Model A for $695 in 1932 and saw the giant gila monster too. But first all the teens will head to the barn for a party with a famous DJ and also to debut Chase’s first single, destined to be a hit. While singing what is apparently the b-side to his single the giant gila monster attacks the barn. You can pretty much guess exactly who saves the day and how (Maybe Chase, with his Deuce Coupe, and some nitro... Maybe, I’m just guessing here). I went into this looking for totally inept filmmaking and actually got just plain old inept filmmaking, not totally inept. It has a great 50s sci-fi giant monster feel to it complete with explanations like salt deposits in drinking water cause gigantism and giant animals can live and hide in the underbrush for years and dialogue like "he might have goofed the speed shifter or something" and ‘bare foot’ means bald tires, ‘sore foot’ means flat tire and records are ‘platters’ so you listen and dance to platters at a platter party. I give this a solid B on the craptacular scale.
Ginger Snaps (2000)- An obvious twist on the familiar werewolf tale. Two ‘goth’ sisters who are outcasts at school and have no one but each other have their world turned upside down when one is bitten by a werewolf, and hits puberty at the same time. Her body is changing, in a lot of ways, and her sister is both left behind, and forced to protect, and ultimately try and cure, her sister. This is a quirky Canadian horror flick full of gore, surprises, and both goofy and dark humor. From the shock of growing a tail to the parents, who might be a little more tuned in than the girls think, I have to admit, I liked this one quite a bit a very strong A.
Ginger Snaps: Unleashed (2004)- Sequel picks up where the first left off. The surviving sister has found a way to ward off the advancing werewolf changes, but then she is put in a rehab/institution where getting the medicine isn’t too easy. Visits from her sister and those pesky puberty/werewolf changes keep popping up, but maybe with help from a friend in the institution with her she can escape the werewolf curse, and also escape the male werewolf looking to mate. Yeah, it is gooffy but it works in its own way and is a good enough sequel to a good enough werewolf movie. B+.
Girl Who Knew Too Much, the (1963) - Bava’s obvious nod to Hitchcock, a flick about a tourist from America visiting Italy who witnesses a death (from natural causes), is mugged, and then witnesses a murder... maybe. Maybe she’s just stressed out... or maybe it’s something else, stay until the end to tie it all together. I found this a little hard to follow at times and the campier edge seemed out of place too, but for the most part the directing and cinematography were incredibly well done, Bava, for the most part, borrowed the best elements from Hitchcock and then made them his own. If you’re not a big Bava or Giallo fan this may not be for you but if you like either of those I recommend this one. B.
God Told Me To (1976)- Man, this one starts off great! Regular folks are going on rampages and killing for no other reason than "God told them to". A deeply religious detective takes up the case and a deepening mystery builds up. And then... We take a 90 degree left turn and all sense is left at the door. Suddenly we’re thrown into a story about alien abduction, virgin births, and the director’s apparent vagina obsession (it’s not a good thing either). I really dug about the first half of this, and really hated the second half. It starts off with such a mysterious, gritty, indie New York film feel, and ends up as being some goofy 70s sci-fi trash. D.
Gog (1954)- Cold War intrigue and espionage all mixed up with a heavy dose of sci-fi. Someone is obviously sabotaging the experiments at a highly top secret underground installation. But who could it be? A Super ISS/CIA/Atomic Bomb Guard is brought in to find out. And for pretty much the rest of the movie we get to see him walk around and be introduced to the scientists and the utterly useless experiments they are working on. They are wasting MASSIVE amounts of government funding, but that really isn’t in the movie, that was just my own observation. A few more scientists die, some jets are scrambled, and things seem to work out, except I was never really sure what the hell was even going on. I do know the janitors have total access to everything in this top secret facility, and I also know that despite all kinds of magnetic jamming, auto-pilot flying technology someone, or something, has found the facility and has found a perfect way to actually take over the main computer which controls everything and make it do pretty much whatever they want. Apparently what they don’t want is to steal any technology and totally destroy the facility, in that order. In fairness this one was ahead of its time, it looks good, is interesting, and fun, but still, A- and the craptacular scale.
Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968)- First Goke (pronounced Go Key) aren't really body snatchers. Second they aren't really from Hell. Maybe something is lost in translation. Either way this is a not so subtle anti war character study masked as a Japanese Horror/Sci-Fi movie. In the character study we have the corrupt politician, representing the failure of leadership and man's self-centeredness, the capitalist business man, representing greed and over ambition, succeed at any cost attitude, the business man's wife who he has whored out for the success of his business, representing the oppressed (particularly those oppressed by the greed of others), we have the psychiatrist, representing cold hard reason, the assassin, representing violence and death, the widow, representing the result of the violence and death, and the pilot and stewardess, representing leadership and man's ability for self sacrifice. They are on a plane that crashes after flying into a blood red sky and under a UFO. The survivors, listed above, argue at each decision to be made, and become paralyzed with indecision while each of them becomes the victim of the creature from the title. There are some effective scenes but we are constantly subjected to the movie's moral (the widow at one point exclaiming "War is terrible, it makes everyone miserable", maybe something is lost in that translation as well... oh wait, she speaks English). This is one of Quentin Terrentino's favorite Japanese Sci-Fi flicks and it does work much of the time despite some obvious flaws. If you like Japanese Horror/Sci-Fi you'll like this. B-.
Gorgo (1961)- Deemed the British Godzilla, this flick is a treasure trove of giant monster clichés. Giant monster upsets local fishermen, scientists find giant monster and capture it for the circus, a kid warns them not to, giant monster’s even more giant mother shows up and destroys man made landmarks while trying to save her giant baby. This is a must see for giant rubber-suit monsters fans, and fans of Brit sci-fi from this era. It is, all things considered, very well done. B.
Gorgon, The (1964)- Strange little Hammer film which brings the Greek Gorgon/Medusa myth into more modern times, placing it in turn of the century Germany (I figure Hammer already had the sets and costumes at the ready). A town is plagued by a curse in which some people are found dead, turned to stone. The local doctor just writes the deaths off as heart failure, but that won’t due when some important people start turning up dead. Mainly, an artist whose rich influential father isn’t buying the story his son committed suicide after getting a local girl pregnant. The father shows up, and also dies a mysterious death, but not before writing a letter to his other son. The lid will soon be blown off the town’s secrets. Very little in the way of explanation is ever offered, the lines between good and evil, right and wrong are blurred and everything is played out like a Greek tragedy, which it is more or less based on, as love is what ends up getting everyone in the most trouble. Well acted and directed, the colors and sets and ‘feel’ are perfect early Hammer. This is only for those looking for the subtle atmospheric horrors, despite the subject material this is no monster movie, keeping that in mind I will give this a B+.
Gothic (1986)- This is a well-directed flick about the depravity that supposedly went down the night Mary Shelly wrote ‘Frankenstein’. Mary, Percy, Lord Byron, laudanum, orgies, bondage, tits with eyes instead of nipples, etc. It is a pretty insane flick, well done at times, and annoyingly bad at times, especially Percy’s character who just whines a whole lot. If you’re in the mood for some 80s over-the-top insanity then you could do worse than this, but over-all it can get old quickly. C
Grave Dancers (2006)- This was part of the "Eight Films To Die For" horrorfest. This movie never takes itself too seriously and is pretty predictable from the very beginning. Some friends reunite for a friend’s funeral and afterwards they celebrate life by getting hammered and dancing in a graveyard. Turns out they were dancing in the section reserved for psychopaths, murderers and other malcontents. Now those ghosts are out to get them. Throw in some parapsychologists, a creepy old house, and over the top effects and you have horror, sort of. There were some good parts in this one and it was pretty well made, it just tended to drag on for too long and each twist just got a little more over the top until the end got totally insane, still, it kept me interested for the most part. C-.
Grave Encounters (2011)- This is one where I found myself near the beginning thinking ‘I liked it better when it was called ‘The House on Haunted Hill ‘remake’, a little later I found myself thinking ‘I liked it better when it was called ‘The Blair Witch Project’’. Yeah it is obviously fairly derivative, and the sad thing is it didn’t have to be. I like these POV ‘found footage’ flicks usually and this one has a great premise. A TV show called Grave Encounters goes to supposed haunted places and tries to find evidence, and with so many of those shows littering cable right now the timing seems ripe. They are filming their 6th episode and haven’t had much luck running into any real hauntings and are becoming pretty cynical. So they lock themselves into an old empty insane asylum and film away, faking things as needed, until some unexplainable things begin to happen and it slowly becomes obvious there may be no escape. There are some obvious flaws, like the aforementioned unoriginality, but also things that jarred me out of my ‘suspension of belief’ of approaching this as ‘found footage’ At the beginning we are told the footage has only been edited for time, but then things that, had it been edited for time, wouldn’t have been included (but needed to be for the movie to flow) are shown. Then some short flashback footage showing the asylum in the 30s is used and done very poorly, again breaking the ‘suspension of belief’ aspect. And finally some of the acting isn’t too great at times and it seems even when the slightest ‘paranormal’ things begin to occur the whole crew goes kind of nuts. Isn’t that why they are there? If they can’t handle a bump, a knocked over gurney, or someone’s hair being pulled then they really are doomed! Bottom line, it was OK despite the weaknesses, I just wish they could’ve been a little more original and maybe refrained from taking it over the top as they did. I’ll give it a middle C, leaning towards a C+.
Grapes of Death, The (1978)- What happens when folks decide to make their own pesticide and spray it on their grape crops and then make wine with said grapes and then have a harvest bash and invite the whole village and get them loaded up on the wine made from the grapes that had the homemade pesticide sprayed on them? You get French people decaying before your eyes and going batshit insane. A girl is heading to be with her fiancé who works at a winery. At a stop a man boards the train obviously in very bad shape; he kills her companion and then chases her. She runs, and runs, and runs, meets a few more folks who seem to be decaying both physically and morally. She runs some more. She gets a gun, which she seems to have sometimes, and not have sometimes. Although she hasn’t had any of the wine, she is obviously loosing her mind. Finally she reaches the village with the help of a very bizarre and whiney blind girl. The entire village is deserted... or is it? Blood, puss, and decapitations follow. Only the French could make a zombie movie like this (though technically not zombies). It does have its moments, some genuinely creepy atmosphere, some good effects (and some bad mixed in), but also tends to drag and leaves you screaming "no one would act like that in that situation" as the girl kind of ambles around and watches as horrifying things go down. A slow mover at times to be sure but it is after all French and the French do like to show people walking around a lot in the their movies (people walking around with the intermittent tit shot). My main complaint is the atrocious editing though, the now she has it now she doesn't pistol, the blond gal's ability to change clothes at the drop of a hat (and where did those dogs come from), it is jarring at times, almost moves the movie into a surreal feel, but I don't think they really wanted it to go that way. With some judicious editing this could've been great but...If you are a ‘must see all things zombie related’ kind of fan then you should see this one, but I can’t recommend it too highly. However, keeping in mind it was made in 1978 it does hold an important spot in the pantheon of zombie horror, beating the Italian cycle by a couple of years. B-.
Graveyard of Horror (1971)- The collapse of rural life, the dissolution of heritage, and the constant pull of temptation, temptation for sin and for immortal greatness are just some of the heady topics explored in this Spanish gothic horror masterpiece reminiscent of the atmosphere and look of some of Hammer’s best films. And by "Spanish gothic horror masterpiece" I mean hilariously bad piece of crap. I read a review where someone called this "Graveyard of Unintentional Humor". That sums it up! The jarring editing, bad acting, even worse dubbing, riotous soundtrack, and plot, oh the plot. At least what I could make out of a plot. It goes something like this: A man returns to his home, a castle in the boonies, his wife has recently died during a complicated pregnancy, also loosing the infant. He wants to know how she died (dying during a complicated c-section in the boonies not being a good enough explanation) so he goes to his sister, then his sister-in-laws, then his mother-in-law, then the local doctor, then the family doctor, where he finally finds the truth, his wife died during the c-section process of a complicated child birth, then he disappears, but then shows up here and there, or is that the local cop pretending to be the guy, and if so why? The family doctor is really weird though and must be a bad guy because he has huge caterpillar like eyebrows and an organ plays every time he enters a room. Something else must be a foot. I guess other folks have died, including the guy’s brother, who was a great scientist and an earl too. Also the gravedigger is selling heads from the graveyard and has something to do with this, as do all the women wearing very impractical shoes for such a snowy climate. I think the doctor has to feed a lizard man bodies each ‘cycle’ which apparently means monthly, 6 months in he gets nervous as people are starting to realize that each month someone else dies. Not a very well thought out plan I guess. Anyway, this is a total train wreck which gets a very strong A on the craptacular scale, I’d give it an A+ but at 83 minutes it is just WAY too long!!!
Grudge, The (2004)- Creepy Japanese inspired piece. According to Japanese legend, if something bad happens in a house then those 'vibes' (my word) linger like a stain and rub off on anyone who stays there. This movie revolves around such a house and all those who enter. Nice twist on the old ghost story standard with room for some violent conclusions. Although slow moving at times, this is a pretty effective movie and has some genuinely strange scenes that made me uncomfortable. I've read a lot about how great some of these Japanese horror movies are but have yet to see any of the originals, only the American remakes (although this was actually remade by the same Japanese director in Japan, but for American audiences). Hopefully I'll be able to find some of the originals and catch them and review them in the near future. B.
HG Wells’ First Men on the Moon (1964)- This is an old school sci-fi flick with some good stop motion from Ray Harryhausan. It is about a UN expedition to the moon which everyone believes to be man’s first, until the expedition discovers a letter and a British flag near the landing site, and maybe the ranting about being on the moon of a senile old man aren’t so crazy after all. His story is told in flashback and it takes awhile to get going as we head into some campy almost ‘Nutty Professor’ type of bit. Once on the moon though Ray’s insect aliens take over (most of the insect aliens are actually people in bad costumes but the animated ones are pretty cool). If you like Ray’s work or like goofy sci-fi fluff then this is probably a must see, but if you aren’t into either of those you won’t be missing much. I’ll give it a really strong C+, less nutty professor, more stop motion insect moon people would’ve been better.
Halloween (1978)- I caught this on Scifi awhile back so it was edited for content but I've seen both versions several times. I can't add anything that hasn't been said about this movie. Simply put it is a classic and, in my opinion, the best slasher flick I've seen. Michael kills his sister when he is very young and is put in an institution. Several years later he escapes and Dr. Loomis pursues because he knows Michael is really the embodiment of evil. Michael returns home to terrorize his old neighborhood. Everything about this movie works from the acting, to the directing, to the scares, to the music. A+.
Halloween (2007)- "Why oh why" comes to mind when considering a remake of one of my favorite horror films. But I gave "Dawn of the Dead" a shot and ended up really liking it so maybe that would happen again. So did it? Well, this story more or less follows Carpenter’s "Halloween" pretty closely. The body count is higher, the graphic violence more brutal, and the gore more prevalent (the original, despite its reputation contained very little gore). You should know what you’re getting at a Rob Zombie movie, and aren’t all of his movies basically remakes... or re-imaginings ("House of 1000 Corpses" is basically "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Devil’s Rejects" is basically "The Hills Have Eyes") so at least you do know this time. The movie delves much more deeply into Michael Myers’ background as a youth, how disturbed he was and what helped push him over the edge. He has an abusive step dad, abusive bully classmates, a stripper mom who loves him but who he is embarrassed of, and a sister who treats him like crap. He takes his feelings of helplessness out on animals, which triggers a red flag with his school and they call in child psychologist Dr. Loomis. Too late. Michael beats a bully classmate to death (we assume) then later that night kills his step dad (or mother’s boyfriend, whatever), sister, and sister’s boyfriend. He’s placed in the asylum under the care of Dr. Loomis, and each day gets more and more distant, until, as an adult... Well, you probably know the rest, and from here it follows Carpenter very closely. To make up for the longer act 1, act 2 is compressed, which is sad as we’re left with no character development, despite some pretty good, albeit stereotypical, character development in act 1. Sure, if you’re a fan you already know the characters, but it would be good to get to know them ‘now’. And then, by the final act everything starts to unravel as we’re thrown into "The night He came home" with little or no preparation and all the suspense that had been built up throughout the early part of the movie falls kind of flat and we’re subjected to yet another modern horror movie chase scene which seems to last way too long. So the bottom-line? Those into the Michael mythos should really like the treatment of it throughout the first 2/3rds of the movie; it worked really well for me. But maybe it should have just ended there. After we go back to Haddonfield the movie just looses steam and can’t hold up to the atmosphere and suspense that made the original so damned good. I’ll give it a B- because it was well done until the final act and the use of much of the original music was great as was the same use of old movies like "The Thing" and a little "White Zombie" being watched as well.
Halloween II (1981)- Although it doesn’t compare to the fall off between "The Exorcist" and "The Exorcist II", there is still a fairly big fall off between this and the original. Michael Myers is still an effective character and hasn’t become the cartoon he would eventually become and there are some effective moments but it all seems to be rehash of the original but without the intense suspense. Once we know a character like Michael Myers the surprise is gone and the overall effectiveness is lost, so we wind up with gore replacing suspense (despite its reputation there is virtually no gore in "Halloween"). Plot-wise we pick right up where "Halloween" left off. The bodies are discovered, Lori is whisked off to the hospital, cops quell the masses, and Michael kills more folks as he heads off to try and finish the job on Lori. There is some unintentional humor in spots like the boy being run over by the police car, which also lessons the overall horror of the movie. The subplot of Michael and Lori being brother and sister is revealed and an unnecessary and unexplored pagan element is added with Michael’s writing "Samhain" on the black board of a school he’s broken into. Not a bad effort, especially when compared to the terrible slasher flicks which followed closely on its heels, but still nowhere near as effective as the first. B.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)- Halloween III was a sequel in name only. No Haddonfield, no Michael Myers, etc. Not only was this not really Halloween THREE, it wasn't a good movie. Seriously, pagans are going to take over the world by playing a commercial on TV while kids watch them with masks on that make roaches crawl out of their heads. This word says it all... "Robots". Or maybe... "Dumb". F
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)- It doesn’t take too long (sequel wise) for a genuinely effective character and story line to go down the tubes. Michael Myers here becomes more of a punch line than a legit horror character as he escapes, yet again, the day before Halloween, yet again, kills some folks, yet again, and heads off to Haddonfield, yet again. This time though he’s hunting a little girl who happens to be his niece. Michael hates his family! Dr. Loomis shows up talking about the embodiment of evil again, rednecks go on the hunt, kids play pranks, seen it all before. This movie fails to create any atmosphere or convincing scares and even Michael Myers comes off as kind of a cartoon character with his bright white ineffective new mask. The only thing is some of the acting actually isn’t bad. Still, I give this an F.
Hands of the Ripper (1971)- Almost forgotten hammer flick about Jack the Ripper’s daughter. Hammer was trying to reinvent itself with reworking familiar tales and this was their stab at Jack the Ripper (sorry). As a young girl Jack’s daughter sees him kill her mother, now as a used and occasionally abused 17 year old she starts stabbing people whenever she sees something that reminds her of her father. A local doctor out to try and prove some of Freud’s latest theories takes the girl in and covers up for her, despite the piling up bodies. Yeah, it gets a tad silly as she goes into murder mode at the drop of a hat and always seems to get away with it, and the good doctor just keeps going along like he can save her (but not the folks she’s offed), but I liked it well enough. The acting is strong, the period look and feel work pretty well, and while not overly original it is written fairly well. This is nothing special, but it’s far from bad. If you like the Hammer period pieces this one holds up pretty well. B+
Happening, The (2008)- M. Night has been struggling lately. I liked "The Village" OK but the payoff at the end disappointed, and "Lady in the Water" was just a tad too egocentric for me, so is "The Happening" redemption? One day folks in Central Park stop what they are doing and commit suicide, then mass suicides all over New York follow, eventually spreading over most of New England. Marky Mark is a science teacher, having a little marital problem, who realizes, along with many others, that he’d better head out of Philly. His wife, best friend, best friend’s young daughter, and he hop a train out of town, and then get stranded in a small town as communications begin to break down. His group gets smaller and smaller until he begins to figure things out, although it may be too late. Yes, there are some obvious messages, urban sprawl is bad being the most blatantly obvious, mistreating nature is bad (mmkay) another obvious one, but this film worked for me. It is kind of an odd twist on the zombie theme. Instead of becoming zombies and killing others, folks become zombies (metaphorically speaking) and kill themselves. That in and of itself is a pretty scary idea, coupled with the isolation, struggle to survive, and struggle to understand the movie portrays and it all works for me. It may be too preachy and not ‘action packed’ enough for some horror fans’ taste so keep that in mind. Nice save M. Night. A
Haunted Palace, The (1963)- Corman directed Price vehicle based on Lovecraft’s "The Curious Case of Charles Dexter Ward", Corman threw in a couple of lines from a Poe poem so he could make folks think it part of his successful Poe series, but it was in fact the first film based on a Lovecraft story. If you like these type of Corman flicks then I think you will like this. I liked it a lot and felt the acting and directing were great as were the sets. Amazing what can be done on Corman budgets! Price plays both the evil Curwin, a warlock who uses a town’s young maidens to try and mate with ‘The Elders’ to create a super race and is then burned by the town’s folk, but not before he curses them all, and his great great grandson, Ward, who inherits the palace and then becomes possessed by Curwin and starts up the old practices again. Price is great in his dual role and obviously relishes the chance to switch between good and evil at the drop of a hat. This film fits right in with his "Masque of the Red Death" and "The Pit and the Pendulum" and is a must see if you liked those. A
Haunting, The (1963)- A favorite from my youth. A scientist gathers some psychics into an old haunted house to investigate paranormal activity there and record his investigations. Yeah it's been done to death now ("Legend of Hell House", "Rose Red", "Haunting" remake) but it was still fresh here, and it still worked (based on Shirley Jackson's "Haunting of Hill House", this is one of those rare times when I think the movie is better than the book, which I have read). Very suspenseful and mysterious with a great atmosphere and some great dialogue and acting. It's one of those rare horror movies that just seem real. A+.
A Haunting In Connecticut (2009)- Looking for an original take on the ghost story? Look elsewhere. Want a ‘greatest hits’ rehash of famous scenes from "The Legend of Hell House", "The Amityville Horror", "The Shining", "Poltergeist", "The Others", and various other ‘haunted house’ movies both old and new? Then this is for you. Painfully unoriginal in pretty much every way, this movie focuses on a family with a teenager dying of cancer. They rent a house that was at one time a mortuary, and the boy, standing so near death, contacts the spirits trapped there. Things go from bad to worse and he enlists the help of a reverend who knows all about such things (of course), the reverend helps clean the house, everything is over... or is it... of course not. Indeed, I couldn’t help but keep thinking "saw it" at every other turn in this one... still, having said that, I liked it OK. I mean, it takes the best of all those other movies and weaves them into one. I wouldn’t want all the movies to be this unoriginal but if you like those types of haunted house flicks and you can ignore the pile up of clichés then you could do much worse. I’ll give this a B-, the acting was good, the atmosphere worked, just don’t expect anything new.
Haxan (1922)- Haxan is a brilliant silent docu-drama about Witchcraft. It is a German film from director Benjamin Christenson (who also plays The Devil in the film) that starts as a documentary on practices and superstitions about witchcraft and includes great shots of old wood cuttings of devils, witches, and Hell; That great scary art from BACK in the day. The movie then moves into an example of how witches were accused, tortured, then they accused others and the sickness spread from village to village under the Inquisitors. Of course it is an old silent film but the images are stark and the tinting used very well. The Criterion print is pretty amazing and contains the 1968 re-release narrated by William Burroughs. (That version is slightly shorter and not tinted.) If you're into the history of horror film, witchcraft, or silent movies then this is a must see. If you're not into 1 or more of those then maybe you'll want to pass this up. A+.
He Knows You’re Alone (1980)- This is one of those flicks that give horror movies in general a bad name. Not because of gore and gratuitous sex, there’s really not much of that here, but because it is painfully unoriginal and the characters do incredibly stupid things. Unoriginal in that it is "Halloween" mixed with "Black Christmas" (of course those were "Psycho" inspired but there is a difference between being influenced and basically steeling camera angles, characters, and music). As far as doing stupid things? Take your pick. Why doesn’t the obsessed cop tell the local police what he thinks is going on and stake out the address he finds, thereby getting the killer before he kills again. Of course the movie would be too short then. When the killer is on the top of the car why doesn’t the driver slam on the breaks? When the girl goes to hide in the coroner’s office why doesn’t she lock any doors behind her... Why aren’t the doors locked in the first place? Why does the killer kill the guy that fits dresses? I could go on and on, suffice it to say, this isn’t very thought out. The plot? A guy is jilted at the alter and decides he will kill off brides at random, and apparently anyone else who knows the brides. Add a young bride having second thoughts, her friends, an obsessed cop, a dressmaker, a cheating professor, a goofy ex-boyfriend, Tom Hanks, 70s fashion, bad dialogue, and you have this formula. Watchable in the context of being an early "Halloween" slasher clone but don’t expect too much. D+.
Head, The (1959)- Standard mad scientist fair about a doctor who figures out how to keep body parts alive with his serum Z, his over ambitious new assistant of course, takes the experiments too far; nurse’s head, meet stripper’s body. It sounds a lot like "The Head That Wouldn’t Die" but really, this is one is way creepier and darker. No it is no masterpiece, it is clunky, slow, and goofy at times, yet it does create a sort of weird oppressive atmosphere over and above most of this type of stuff. This is a tough one to grade because of what I mentioned above, unoriginal, goofy, yet dark and atmospheric at times. I’ll give it a C+, just be warned it is low budget 50s sci-fi stuff.
Hell Night (1981)- The slasher genre, born in 1960 with Hitch’s "Psycho" and hitting puberty in 1974 with Clark’s "Black Christmas", graduated in 1978 with Carpenter’s "Halloween", which did for slashers what "Night of the Living Dead" did for zombies. Hell Night falls neatly into that high school/college kids in trouble slasher cliché that got so huge in the 80s. Despite the obvious comparisons to other flicks and the predictable plot and outcome, this is actually a fairly effective story. Not a lot of gore for gorehounds but there is some good suspense, atmosphere, directing, and acting (albeit a little over the top at times). 2 sorority and 2 fraternity pledges have to spend the night in an old mansion where a father reputedly killed his whole family, which apparently consisted of deformed kids, and then killed himself. When the police arrived they only found 3 of the 6 bodies, and a note detailing what had happened. Could survivors still be living in the house? Anyway, the kids get set to spend the night while other members attempt to scare them and they start dying off. Is everything that is happening practical jokes? Are any of the kids actually the murderer? Like I said, there isn’t much new here and over all it’s pretty predictable, but there is some good acting, suspense, and location. Suspend a little belief and have an 80s flashback. B.
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)- A classic masterpiece of total EuroTrash, I would even cal it Ed Woodian in scope. A corporation leaks a gas from one of its third world factories and soon zombies are roaming all around. A SWAT team is dispatched to clean things up (A SWAT team? That makes no sense, where did they get an idea like that... oh yeah, "Dawn of the Dead"). Throw in TONS of stock footage that doesn’t fit, totally inane dialogue, the poorest excuse for tit shots in cinema history, and bad zombie makeup and you’re in for a ride down Craptacular Lane. This flick is hilariously bad and a must see of zombie film lovers. It unapologetically rips off "Dawn of the Dead" (Argento’s cut with The Goblin soundtrack) throughout and moves steadily from one train wreck to another. Watch as a rat attacks a factory worker and his co-worker stands by and watches. Watch as terrorists kidnap folks and are then brutally murdered by the SWAT team who yell "Drop your weapons" then open fire before giving them a chance to comply. Watch as said SWAT team is dropped into the jungle (well, what passes for a jungle) and are apparently given no orders, directions, or transportation once there. Watch as a female reporter whips her tits out to prove she lived with natives, then jogs down a road with the SWAT team right behind her in a Jeep. Watch as archival footage of a tribal funeral ceremony is poorly edited into the movie, along with slo-mo shots of monkeys and birds. Watch as the SWAT team uses their guns as baseball bats rather than as, well, guns. Watch as a SWAT team member, while looking for zombies, puts on a little tutu and top hat and dances around. Watch as the SWAT team escapes in their Land Rover, but not fast enough to get away from stumbling zombies. And finally, watch as the survivors make it to the factory and then seemingly forget there are zombies everywhere. Every cliché imaginable is crammed into this one movie, and don’t let people tell you the gore is good. Oh yeah, there’s lots of it, and if quantity defines quality then they are right, but when someone gets bit on the leg, intestines don’t come poring out. A+ on the craptacular scale. They don’t get any better/worse than this.
Hellraiser (1987)- One of my favorites and a pretty original movie to boot. A man and his frigid wife are moving into a new house. The man’s brother is a bad seed (and he had an affair with the man’s wife back in the day) who travels around the world, basically looking for trouble. He finds it in the form of a cube, which is supposed to basically make all your dreams come true by, more or less, amplifying to extreme proportions anything that you find pleasure in. The brother’s experiments have gone badly and he’s basically all but totally physically destroyed. A little spilled blood begins the process of rebuilding him (literally) and his sister-in-law’s desire for him makes her ensure he’ll get the blood he needs to finish the process. The problem is the cynobites, who control the cube that did this to him in the first place, aren’t pleased to learn he his coming back to the physical world and the cube may be in use again. This is a very effective movie, based on a very effective book. Although the sequels do eventually stray into the ‘silly’, this one plays it straight and has you believing such things may be possible. A.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1990)- "Portrait" is indeed the perfect name for this one. It is a look at the world of a serial killer. There is no real plot as much as we just follow along as Henry lives his life while ending other’s lives and brings his old cell mate along. We think Henry killed his whore mother as well but he seems to always get his story mixed up so we aren’t too sure what to believe, as it should be in a film like this. We’re as subject to Henry’s whims as the other characters, Henry’s roommate and roommate’s sister are. We know Henry has no emotion, except distaste for any intimacy at all, and we know Henry isn’t really worried about getting caught. He figures if he uses a different murder weapon each time the cops will never figure out it is a serial killer, plus he moves around some. This is simply a dark and at times ferocious look at the life of a serial killer. We don’t get too much under the hood, we know a little about his past and the past of those around him but this isn’t a psychological portrait, it’s just a look at what is going on in Henry’s life at this given time. The film reminds me a lot of "Driller Killer" but without the long and pointless parts. I liked this film a lot. A.
Hide and Seek (2005)- De Niro in a suspense thriller, another 'Must be good", and another "nope". De Niro's wife recently committed suicide and his daughter isn't handling it so well (and neither is he really). They both need to get away for awhile, so they do. His daughter keeps talking about her imaginary friend, and when this imaginary friend starts actually doing things others can see, well then, we have a real problem. Terrible twist ending that, all things being equal, couldn't have happened to begin with. Now I don't mind twist ending that don't add up in horror that doesn't take itself too seriously but this flick takes itself very seriously, and loses. I am going to have to break down and give this an F. I hate to do that to Bobby D but this thing sucked.
Hideaway (1995)- I’ve read some good reviews of this movie, and I have to wonder, what the Hell were those people thinking? This movie is crap, from the cheesy 90s ‘look what we can do with computers now’ not so special effects to the tired plot of someone after medical work being able to see what a killer is going to do. In this one Jeff Goldblum is killed in a car wreck (in a hilariously staged scene where the car teeters on the edge of a hill at an exact spot where there is apparently a path wide enough for the car to not be stopped by the trees on either side, and while the hill isn’t so steep that the car will actually flip it is apparently too steep for the brakes to stop the car.) Anyway, Goldblum is dead for a couple of hours but revived by some genius doctor despite what happened ‘last time’. Now he can see what a serial killer is up to and the killer realizes what is happening so he targets Goldblum’s daughter. There’s a good plan. I guess that killer never saw any horror movies. Then the ‘twist’, which we can see for miles, finally rolls around. This is just basically senseless crap but it is fun to rip on, but not fun enough to be craptacular. F.
Hideous Sun Demon, The (1959)- If man is exposed to new radioactive isotopes and then exposed to sunlight will he devolve back to some sort of lizard? According to this movie, yes. He will also be all bummed and avoid people too, hanging out in bars and picking up lounge singers (being hung-over was probably why he got exposed to begin with). Anyway, he kills someone and realizes he liked it and it’s all downhill from there. This is pretty craptacular, but it is also annoyingly slow and pretty depressing actually. Screw that guy man, he deserved what he got and then refused to listen to anyone on top of that! If you like bad 50s sci-fi give it a look, I love 50s sci-fi but more or less hated this so I’m just going to flunk it.
Hidden (2009)- On the surface this isn’t an overly original flick. Man must face his past when he returns to his boyhood home after his mother dies, saw it. We realize early that his mother wasn’t a very good, well, mother. We get hints, quick flashbacks, and are slowly let in on the depravity. A general feeling of weirdness and doom ensues as the man debates burning the house down and deals with kids breaking into the old house, and the suspicions of some of the locals once a couple of the kids disappear. A twisty plot that isn’t overly twisty, an ending that is, to not spoil too much, ambiguously non-resolving, great use of sound (and silence), and a plot that frankly has little going on most of the time, just, when it is all said and done, worked for me. No, there is no real action (a couple kill scenes but not enough for the gore or action hound), this one teeters on that edge of too slow, but never falls into that trap in my opinion. I really liked it over all, despite the flaws mentioned above. A-.
Hills Have Eyes, The (1977)- Wes Craven liked to explore the "Lord of the Flies" theme of normal people becoming savages in the face of impossible circumstances. He explored a normal family's reaction to the rape and killing of their daughter in "The Last House on the Left" and here he explores a normal family's reaction to being hunted by cannibals in the desert of the American Southwest. A retired cop, his wife, 2 daughters, son, son-in-law, and granddaughter are heading for California on their 25th anniversary. They want to explore an old silver mine since it is their silver anniversary. They are warned to stay out of that section of desert but they, of course, don't head the local's warning and end up wrecking the car and getting stranded. This movie has a 'real' feel to it, no action heroes, just normal people in terrible circumstances as they are hunted and killed by deformed mutants that live in a cave in the desert. We get their history from the old man who warned the family and all Hell breaks lose. This is a raw movie that plays on our base emotions of family and care for children, which the mutants don't feel, but do understand as the father of the mutants knows they are in trouble when they don't get the entire family on the first try. Well directed and acted and believable this is a cult classic for good reason (but rides a little too comfortable on Texas Chainsaw's coattails). A.
Hills Have Eyes, The (2006)- Writers and directors have basically two options when they do a remake, change little or nothing ("Night of the Living Dead") or change a lot ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre"). Here very little was changed so I have to ask, "Why bother?" The plot is pretty much exactly the same with a few minor changes. For instance the family isn't warned not to go into the desert by the gas station attended and is in fact told to take the side road. The family is very dysfunctional and annoying with the right wing gun toting ex cop father, nagging uptight mother, nerdy Democrat son-in-law, and two smart assed spoiled kids. This works against the movie at first as you kind of want these people to die but, whether done on purpose I don't know, it ends up working in favor of the characters as we see that they genuinely do care for one another as the proverbial shit begins hitting the fan. So why remake this film? I guess to get in jabs at the government (nuclear experiments created the mutants, and while this is hinted at in the original, it is stated in that one that the father of the mutants was born before nuclear testing was taking place), and to kill off the anti-gun control Republican cop (who's body is found with an American flag stuck in his head while one of the mutants sings the national anthem) and to prove that gun control Democrats can fight back too, after they steal someone else's guns I guess. Still, this movie does work, it's great subject material, my only real complaints are the mutants are, of course, too far over the top, taking this out of the realm of something that you fear may actually happen and into the 'suspend belief' category, which the first one avoided in my opinion, and the never ending end. Why do modern horror movies insist on so many psuedo-endings? If I ever find myself chased by monsters when I get them down I am going to decapitate them and chop them to pieces, other wise they WILL get back up and chase you again. B+
Hollow, The (2004)- I was going to start my review by saying that this wasn’t a very original flick, but any movie based on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" is bound to be a little derivative! A guy moves his family to Sleepy Hollow as he’s the new football coach. His son doesn’t want to play football, instead he wants to be on the fencing team and do stuff in drama class (what a pussy!). The little cheerleader likes him anyway, and her boyfriend is the captain to the football team. Tensions mount... Sort of. The family also happens to be direct descendants of Ichabod Crane and that makes the ghost of the headless horseman pissed! He comes back to exact some revenge. Can the new kid save the day? Maybe, with the help of the nutball caretaker of the local cemetery who still talks like they did back in the day. I think this movie was aimed more at junior high kids so keeping that in mind it’s not all that bad. Over the top stereotypical characters make it easy as to whom you should sympathize with and who’s going to find redemption. It’s simple and if there’s nothing else on then you might want to catch it, otherwise forget it. C-.
Horror Express (1973)- Lee and Cushing together again, this time in a Spanish production set on a Russian train leaving China for France in 1909. The copy I have isn't so good. The picture is dark, the color and sound bad. Still I enjoyed the movie. Lee is a smug archeologist who believes he has found the 'missing link' between man and ape. Cushing is a somewhat jealous compatriot who wants to know what Lee is up to. Lee loads his find into a big crate and gets on the train with Cushing and several other colorful characters. Chaos ensues as the missing link turns out to be alive and thirsting for ... knowledge? Find the movie and watch it to find out what I mean. Over-all effective movie, especially the blind zombies at the end, stick some zombies in a movie and it'll almost always bump its grade a letter. Basically it's 'The Thing' on a train. Or maybe better "The Creeping Flesh" which came out the same year and also stared Cushing and Lee. Solid B.
Horror Hotel (1960)- More or less forgotten movie that would play an influence on many movies to follow including "Psycho", "Night of the Living Dead", and "Carnival of Souls". Christopher Lee is a professor studying witchcraft. He convinces a student of his to go to an old New England village to do some research. The few inhabitants are strange and the hotel she stays at is very creepy. Some effective scenes and good acting follow as a coven of witches runs the town. This is a classic made by Hammer Studio's biggest competitor of the day Amalgamated. A.
Horror of Dracula, The (1958)- By modern horror movie standards this is a slow mover but remove genre tags and look at this as just the telling of a story (which we should do with all movies anyway), and I think you have a really good one. Apart from the battle between Dr. Van Helsing and Dracula (good and evil) this movie follows little of Stoker's original novel. It's not a retelling but a rewriting of it and it comes across as being a very original and fresh interpretation of the story. Jonathan Harker goes to Castle Dracula as a librarian, there to sort and check Count Dracula's massive collection of books, or so we are told. We soon realize that Harker is undercover and knows who, or what, Dracula really is. When his plans go awry and Dracula begins looking for revenge, Dr. Van Helsing enters the fray. This was one of Hammer's early horror movies and it again showcases the great Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing who were both on their way to horror movie infamy. Hammer proved that you could have a great story, great direction, great sets, and great acting, all on a budget. A-.
Horror of Frankenstein, The (1970)- Hammer was trying to restart the Frankenstein series here with a new Frankenstein, a new monster, and a new approach. The camp was quite a bit higher in this one and Frankenstein was a young rebel who liked to surround himself with pretty girls, and wasn’t above getting them ‘in trouble’. He was also a single minded brilliant sadist/scientist. His father refuses to allow him to go to university, so he kills his father and heads off to school, where he gets in some trouble, but also learns enough to move back home and continue his anatomy experiments. Paying highly for fresh body parts from the local grave robber, shacking up with the help, and trying to stay above the slowly building pile of bodies is how he fills his time until he eventually makes his monster, complete with damaged brain (remember Whale’s original?), an almost uncontrollable Hulk-like beast. This is a fun take on the story and kept me interested. It is a tad slow moving at times and we don’t really get a monster until the end and when he does arrive there’s not much development there. Still, the good acting, camp, and black humor worked for me as did the almost goofy ending. B+
Host, The (2006)- Korean horror/monster movie with lots of underlying symbolism. The destruction of and the strength of the family (the family in the film are distant in the beginning, torn further apart by the events of the film, and eventual realize they need each other to succeed), modern pressures and varying ideas of ‘success’ (the brother with the college degree is unemployed, the ‘dumb’ brother is employed at the food stand but seems happy, the sister is a bronze medalist who can not seem to reach gold), and mistrust of the government (who is really more dangerous the monster or the military and government?) are probably the main themes. And of course, all of that is played out in a movie about a monster created by Americans dumping chemicals into the river (that much of the story is true) reeking havoc. It revolves around a family that runs a food stand on the river. A man, his adult son, and his granddaughter run the stand. A huge monster emerges from the river one day and winds up taking the granddaughter away. We find out the granddaughter is still alive and being kept in a large sewer by the monster, now the man and his family must escape from the inept government facility where they are being kept and save the girl. This is a very well made movie with great acting and special effects that are very well done. It has a strange mix of very serious moments thrown in with odd, almost slapstick comedy elements (at one point the family is so distressed about loosing the little girl they become overwhelmed with emotion, slowly building from a crying to over the top wailing and rolling on the floor, only to be photographed by journalists in their moment of no self control, another comment on society). I’m going to give this one an A+, like the best of cats like Romero, this one is able to present a good, well done story, and give a snapshot of modern life at the same time, without being over bearing about it.
Hour of the Wolf, The (1968)- Ingmar Bergman’s surreal exploration of isolation, guilt, and the tormented artist. Here we have the story of a semi-famous painter and his wife who move to an island to be alone so he can work and "not see another person". This doesn’t end up working out as some very bizarre locals hover around and make life almost unbearable for the painter... or do they? Are they even there at all? Is any of this happening? I have no idea, as I mentioned, this is pretty much just surrealistic symbolism and Ingmar took that storytelling style to the hilt on this one. Comparisons to later David Lynch material (like ‘Eraserhead’) are inevitable, as well as, to me at least, a comparison to ‘The Shining’. I really liked this one quite a bit, but if you dislike this type of art house film making then steer clear, it ain’t for everybody, and I only like it in small doses. A+
House By The Cemetery (1981)- The third in Fulci’s not-tied-together zombie trilogy. What do you get with a Luciano Fulci film? You get atmosphere, creative camera angles and shots, gore galore, and did I mention atmosphere? You also get bad acting, bad dubbing, and virtually no coherent narrative plot. So if you want storyline with your horror, leave Fulci at the door, if you want atmosphere and gore, then check this one out. A family moves into an old house by a cemetery so the father can continue the research of his predecessor who committed suicide. The couple’s incredibly annoying and poorly dubbed son keeps seeing and talking to a little girl, who may or may not be a ghost, and who warns him about moving into the house. They move to the town, a place the father may or may not have been before, and hire a babysitter who may or may not be in on some sinister plot or something like that. Then the zombified remains of the crazy doctor that lived in the house back in the day starts killing people off in gruesome and slow ways. We end with a typical Fulci circular logic ending and wonder to ourselves "What?" I’ll give this one a B because I like Fulci’s direction and vision, but don’t expect great acting, dubbing, or a story that makes much sense. This is only a step or two away from "Eraserhead".
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)- Rob Zombie of White Zombie went solo, then became a movie director, usually that's not a good thing in my opinion but here? "House of 1000 Corpses" is a very well done movie with some of the best atmosphere I've seen in a newer movie. It has a very palpable sense of dread and disgust as a group of kids set out to find rural legends in the Texas countryside. They find what they are looking for in the weirdest family since Leatherface and grandpa in the Chainsaw Massacre. Which leads me to the only real problem I have with this movie. It is very unoriginal and basically a remake of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" with a slightly over the top conclusion. Still, it works on that visceral base level like good horror movies should. I'd give it an A+ but I have to dock it a little in the originality department. A
House of Dark Shadows (1970)- This movie was based on a horror 'soap opera' and has that 'made for TV' feel. A vampire is resurrected and comes across the reincarnation of his lost love. Not too original. Still, there are some effective moments as the vampire plays like he is his own decedent to fool his real decedents. Some nice atmosphere is created too as vampires begin appearing. Over all this isn't great but it is far from terrible. B-.
House of Dracula (1945)- Let's see. Genius doctor thinks he can help all the Monsters (Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein's Monster). He comes up with a plan, implements said plan, and things go awry. So much for Universal's continuity. I was wondering how they'd get around some of the events from "House of Frankenstein", they must have wondered to because they didn't bother trying. Having said all that, this flick was actually fairly strong. John Carradine returns as Dracula and has a good performance, Lon Chaney Jr. is again the Wolfman and is his usual 'not bad not great' self. Glenn Strange returns as the Monster. He must not have been good because the two times he plays the Monster he only shows up in the last 2 or 3 minutes to reek a little havoc. Still, over all not a bad ending for the classic Universal Monsters (although they would later appear in the lamentable "Abbott and Costello Meet..." series). C+.
House of Exorcism (1973)- Bava’s "Lisa and the Devil" flopped. "The Exorcist" came out and was a huge hit. What could the Italians do? They could reedit "Lisa and the Devil" into a story about a possessed tourist. So, they took the scenes from "Lisa..." and added in a new back story about the main character being possessed and telling the goings on back at the castle to a priest. Sound pretty weak? Yeah, it is pretty weak. The exorcist scenes are very lame and I felt sorry for the actors trying like hell to take it all seriously, they had to work pretty hard to keep from laughing. The, for lack of a better word, elegance of Bava’s original is totally lost in this one. Stick with "Lisa and the Devil" of you’re inclined to ‘artier’ Euro-horror and check this out only if you’re curious for a comparison. D-
House of Frankenstein (1944)- Universal Horror was fast becoming a caricature of itself by this point. Formula plots, silly excuses to bring the monsters back, and working in characters from the other franchises. And yet, at least for fans of the studios horror films, it works on some level. Boris Karloff returns not as the Monster, but as a mad scientist bent on continuing Dr. Frankenstein's work, and of course getting in some revenge along the way. A nice idea having Karloff resurrect the monster and some nice irony at the end. The actors took the material serious enough to make it work and the plot moves along nicely. The lab scenes were a little disappointing after the great lab scene from "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman." Another thing about these Universal Monster movies is the attention to continuity they observe. All the details from the previous movies are there and worked in (except one example, at the end of "The Ghost of Frankenstein", the monster becomes blind, and he's blind in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman", however here he isn't). Other than that, for the most part each movie picks right up where the last one left off. Glenn Strange plays the Monster in this film and, although I'm not sure, it seems Herman Munster may have been fashioned from his version. It deserves a D+ but I'll give this one a C+ because I liked Karloff's character.
House of the Damned (1963)- Atmospheric little quickie about an architect and his wife who are hired to look into what it would take to remodel an old castle in the Hollywood Hills once owned by an insane millionaire who still lives in a nearby asylum. As soon as the couple arrive strange things begin to happen, the house, or someone in it doesn’t want them to find the secrets the house holds. The couple, along with the attorney who hired them and his wife, search for answers and then, very suddenly, find all the answers and the movie ends. For a low budget filler this movie is very well done with some interesting cinematography and ideas and great sets in the old mansion, but the ending just rolls up and boom it’s over. I guess they ran out of money or time and just decided to end it right there. I’ll give it a B since it kept my interest until the disappointing ending.
House of the Dead (1978)- Another one of those movies that are really an excuse to do some film shorts and tie them all together. A mortician telling 'interesting' stories about the people in his funeral home and how they met their demise ties them together. Seriously man, if you're going to make a movie like this make sure the stories have some sort of twist to them. You can't just film lame half thought out ideas. Anyway, story one is about a grade school teacher who hates kids so kids with bad teeth kill her. Story two involves a guy that films himself killing women and then gets busted and apparently executed. Next up is a story about two great detectives competing to be the greatest detective. They wind up killing each other in their quest. Finally we get a story about a guy who's real busy and won't help bums so he is trapped in an elevator shaft by someone and given nothing but liquor to drink and then released some time later as a bum and then I guess dies and winds up in the funeral home. Of course then the final coffin is empty and that is for (GASP PLOT SPOILER) the guy the mortician is talking to. Didn't see that one coming 5 minutes into the movie. I like to give these low budget flicks the benefit of the doubt but they have to at least try and make something good. Anyway, story 1, 2, 3, 4 all get Fs which averages to F.
House of the Dead (2003)- House of the Dumb. This is one of the worst, most predictable horror movies I've seen in a long time. "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" meets "Return of the Living Dead III". Kids want to party on an island. Crusty old guys warn them to stay away from the island. Crusty old guys take them to the island. Everyone gets trapped. Death, mystery, and mayhem ensue. Some of the worst acting and writing ever and the rottenest generic action scenes on film. Not to mention terrible video game segues. The fun part? The editing. Sometimes its raining, then it's not, then it is. Sometimes a character might be carrying a pistol, then a shotgun, and then a pistol. MSTK3000 time. F-
House of the Devil, The (2009)- Like them 80s horrors? Not the violent slasher flicks but the more subtle ones? Then this is for you as this one looks and feels (except for a couple accidental clues) like it was actually made in the 80s (it is set in the 80s). It has an almost ‘made for TV’ feel too, for better or worse. Standard plot, a girl needs some jack to get out of her terrible dorm and into her own apartment, she takes a baby sitting job, which actually turns out to be a senior citizen sitting job, in a rich out of the way neighborhood for some eccentric folks on a night when there is going to be a lunar eclipse. This ain’t sounding good. Against her and her friend's better judgment she stays on and things rapidly go downhill, as the title of the flick implies. Not much blood, gore or violence until a quick and strange sequence near the end so if you are looking for that look elsewhere. This is no masterpiece by a long shot, and the predictable ending was a let down, but I have to say, this isn’t too bad. It held my interest and dammit I liked it well enough, I’ll give it a strong B.
House of Wax (1953)- More or less a total remake of "Mystery of the Wax Museum". Vincent Price plays Atwell's part and there is no smart-assed reporter. I think this version works a little better than the original. Again the sets are great and Price plays his part incredibly well. Charles Bronson is also in it, but he's young and doesn't have that crustache yet. Plot-wise it is identical to the original and some of the scenes are even exactly the same. Also, it was originally in 3-D so there are scenes where things are thrown or fall at the camera. B+.
House on Haunted Hill, The (1959)- Vincent Price's wife wants a party, so he throws her one in a big ol' scary house. He's wealthy and she wants him dead. He's wealthy and he wants her dead. It's an interesting dynamic that they pull off really well. This is a great movie pulled off admirably by the great William Castle, a 50's icon of horror schlock. Are the things happening in the house because of Price or because the house is haunted, or both? Very well done, although the twist ending doesn't really hold up if you think back to everything that went down, plus the voice over at the very end by the owner of the house seems oblivious to what actually happened at the end. Get past these weaknesses and you have a great suspense yarn. B+.
House on Skull Mountain (1974)- One word. Hilarious! This flick is almost custom made for some MST3K treatment; 70s Blaxploitation horror at its best. An old voodoo priestess dies but just before she does she sends for her distant great-grandchildren who didn’t know her. They get together for the reading of the will, and begin dying off. No real need for red herrings in this as everything is painfully obvious as the plot unfolds. Actually ‘unfolds’ might be too strong of a word, maybe ‘flops out’ might explain it better. Luckily Victor French who is unexplainably related to the black folks is there to run around and save the day, well, sort of save the day. He stands around watching people die until the last minute and then kind of figures everything out. Seriously, this is a must see if you like the craptacular, mainly because everyone is trying so hard to take it serious, and failing so bad. A+ on the craptacular scale.
Howling, The (1981)- Classic werewolf flick with a nice mix of horror, gore, special effects, and some camp humor for good measure. A reporter has been contacted by a serial killer to do an interview, she agrees to his conditions, problem is he’s not a normal serial killer; he is in fact a werewolf. She is attacked, he is shot, and a psychologist suggests she go to his retreat to help her forget. Of course the psychologist knows all about werewolves and has actually been working with them to try and help them assimilate, with less than great results. This is a well done flick that doesn’t take itself too seriously (although it doesn’t go to ‘comedy’ lengths like "An American Werewolf in London") and had some cutting edge werewolf transformation scenes (yeah, a couple of them are obviously cartoons but the actual transformation scenes, for 1981, were very cutting edge, and still hold up well today). It’s an old story told in a new original way and gets a pretty strong A.
Hunchback of Notre Dame, The (1923)- This was one of the first ‘big budget’ flicks and you can tell, for its time, it was quite an extravaganza, with impressive sets and costumes. You know the story, hunchback lives in the church as a servant, is held in contempt by the town’s folk, is used for nefarious deeds by the brother of the deacon of the church, is punished, and treated nicely by Esmeralda, then comes to Esmeralda’s rescue when she is framed as all Hell brakes loose. I see why people rate this one really high but I have to admit I had problems getting into it. It was a little too long and tedious at times, although Chaney was brilliant as the hunchback. For completists only. B-
Hunchback of Notre Dame, The (1939)- This remake of the silent classic has a more sympathetic cast, especially the hunchback. Chaney’s Hunchback struck me as being on the edge of rage, as well as being pretty hideous. Laughton’s Hunchback is kind of pitiful, a misunderstood simpleton who’s ugly but not really hideous (it’s no coincidence Disney’s cartoon Hunchback was based on this version’s makeup). Although neither of these is, strictly speaking, horror, of these two versions, this one is less ‘horror’ than Chaney’s. You know the story; Hunchback lives in cathedral as the bell ringer and servant to the bishop’s brother. The bishop falls for a gypsy girl, can’t have her, has the hunchback try and kidnap her, backfires, she is kind to the hunchback, hunchback saves the gypsy girl when she is framed, then saves the cathedral when it is attacked by the townsfolk. This version is more detailed than the silent version, as should be expected, and is a really good production, another big budget flick for the times. For the most part I liked it, a little slow at times, some old school over acting and too many melodramatic soliloquies, which were often par for the course in these types of flicks in that era but if you like the old school classics then this is a must see. A
Hunger, The (1983)- This story is about an ancient vampire lady who throughout history has turned people into vampires to keep as companions, at some point they begin to age rapidly and she puts them in coffins to spend the rest of eternity awake, but too feeble to do much of anything. David Bowie is her companion and he doesn’t want to give up his youth so he visits a doctor studying aging, too late for Bowie but the doctor becomes entangled in the vampire lady’s web (complete with lesbian scenes for those of you into those). This flick ‘looks’ real good. Real artsy, pretty much ahead of its time, other than some fashion it really doesn’t feel like an 80s horror flick, it holds up really well, but it also feels really slow moving at times. If you like long, slow panning camera shots and lots of chamber music mixed in with a gothic vampire tale then you will dig this, but if you prefer action over art you better skip this. I fall somewhere in the middle so I will give it a B-.
Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte (1964)- This was planned as another vehicle to get Joan Crawford and Bette Davis to work together again after the sleeper success of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane", but Joan Crawford dropped out of the project at the last minute and was replaced with Olivia DeHavilland. In the prologue we are introduced to Charlotte's father who is pretty angry about something. We soon find out Charlotte is having an affair with a married man and the two of them plan on eloping. Her father puts a stop to it and warns the man to break it off. He does so and winds up dead, his headless body found by Charlotte (or did she just 'find' him?) We jump ahead roughly 40 years and find Charlotte living alone in her mansion, only her guilt and her white trash maid to keep her company (and the fact she hasn't spent any of her sizable inheritance). She's trying to stop the great state of Louisiana from tearing down her house and dozing her property to build a road and bridge. The locals figure her father's wealth saved her from prosecution all those years ago. It's also common knowledge that she's bat shit insane... Or is she? She contacts her long lost cousin to help her stop the demolition of her house but her cousin just insists on helping her pack and accepting the inevitable. Twists and turns that would make Hitchcock proud abound in this murder mystery. The photography and acting and great as is the story. I can usually figure these movies out but every time I thought I had it figured out I turned out wrong (except one major piece of the puzzle which I did have right). Bette Davis is great but the movie itself isn't quite as good as "...Baby Jane". A
I Am Legend (2007)- Yet another interpretation of Matheson’s novella joining "The Last Man On Earth", "The Omega Man", Romero’s Living Dead films (more or less), "28 Days Later", "Blade" (sort of) and probably some others I am forgetting about. It proves what a ripe idea his book was to begin with: a virus turns people into vampire like creatures and one man who is immune fights them. That is the basic gist. Here we have Will Smith as Legend, capturing the creatures by day, hoping to find a cure for them as he races around an otherwise completely empty New York City. Many of the effects are great, including the look and feel of the dead city and Smith’s acting carries the film. I was leery about him playing the part when I first heard about it but I must say he is perfect for the role, with a very believable range of emotion you can’t help but feel for him as he slips near insanity from loneliness and a feeling of responsibility for not being able to stop the virus in time (he is a military scientist assigned to find a cure). We get an overview of what happened (a genetically mutated measles virus was released as a cure for cancer), and brief glimpses of New York falling apart, but like "28 Days Later", not much time is spent in the past. This is really a very effective interpretation of the book and I liked it quite a bit. I have two complaints: The CGI vampire creatures leave quite a bit to be desired and give an otherwise intense flick an almost comic book feel when they are around. CGI works for Spider Man movies but here I think it would’ve been a lot more intense had the creatures been batshit insane humans (and I won’t even bother with the CGI vampire dogs, they almost lost me there). And second we miss the relationship between Neville and the vampires. That is part of the appeal of the book, the vampires pounding on Neville’s door, taunting him, and calling him, some of them his friends (and even his wife). The creatures are much more distant and not human enough here, even though we know his assessment of them as having lost all of their humanity is proven wrong, the reason for their attacks on him are only hinted at (he is Legend, who travels by day, killing their kind). All in all I liked this one a lot, a couple of weak spots hurt its final grade but don’t let that deter you if you like these apocalypse type flicks like me. A-.
I Bury The Living (1958)- This is a tight and surprisingly well done little flick about a man who discovers that by placing black pins in the map of the cemetery, whoever owns that plot will die. He goes a little crazy with that thought and people keep testing him to prove he is wrong with predictable results. The movie actually has a little 'artsy' flair to it I did not expect and the whole thing looked and felt like a good Twilight Zone episode, so if you like the old Twilight Zone you should like this. My only complaint is the twist ending didn't really add up, I wasn't really disappointed but I wasn't impressed either. B+.
I Confess (1953)- Interesting (non-horror, sorry) Hitchcock flick about a priest who is confessed to by a murderer, and, as Hitchcock film luck would have it, the priest, through a series of coincidences, is accused of the murder. The plot on the surface could seem a little convoluted but Hitch breaks it down step by step as we move through the movie. As is typical of Hitch we know from the start who the murderer is, Hitch rarely did ‘mysteries’, instead suspense is built by the conclusions drawn by the detectives as they piece together the story of the murder and find an apparent motive and by the continued contact the priest has with the murderer and his wife who live and work at the rectory. The film is full of obvious symbolism and plays on the martyrdom of the priest who steadfastly sticks to his vows. Although never as popular as many of his other films, this one holds up pretty well. A.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)- I went into this one looking for a good laugh and maybe a chance for some of the ol’ MST3K treatment. After all, it has a dumb name ("Hey yo terminator man, meet the G that killed me") and it stars Lindsey Lohan. But in the end it really wasn’t that bad. An OK story about a serial killer who kidnaps girls and amputates their body parts, then dumps them somewhere (the police believe he dumps them when they are near death so he doesn’t actually kill them, so he’s not technically a serial killer). Lindsey is kidnapped, parts are amputated, and then she is found lying by the side of the highway... or is she. She insists that her name is Dakota and she isn’t one of the rich folks in North Salem. Is it post traumatic stress, or is something else going on? No it’s not real plausible, the twist at the end isn’t exactly hard to see coming, and the constant slow motion, color saturated photography gets old, but when it is all said and done it is a good enough story well enough done to keep your interest. B-.
I Sell the Dead (2008)- Comedy horror flick about grave robbers back in the day. They are plying their trade, basically being threatened and under paid by a local doctor who needs the corpses when they stumble across a way to not only get even, but a way to make more money. Rob the graves of the ‘undead’! A conflict with other grave robbers along with plenty of hijinks follow. This is all told in flash back fashion by one of the grave robbers who is to be executed at dawn, his partner having been executed earlier. File this one under ‘almost was’. There are some great bits but they seem to be strung together by a lot of nothing. Flicks like this rely on a faster pace and this one lacks that in spots (although at just under 90 minutes it isn’t that long anyway). I’ll give this a C+, the acting, directing, effects all worked but it ended up just being really good ideas floating in too much talk.
I Walked With a Zombie (1943)- Very effective and atmospheric tale about a woman who is acting very strangely (actually the whole family is a little off its rocker) and may in fact have been zombified. A nurse comes to the island to help her and a love triangle starts, or is it a love square. This movie purposely avoids judging the zombie angle and the whole thing works really well in a subtle suspense horror way. It starts on a ship and a woman observing how beautiful dolphins are jumping in the ocean. A man remarks that they fear for their lives and that's why they are jumping. It's all down hill for the characters from there. Very dark and there are some creepy Voodoo ceremony scenes. Val Lewton produced and his RKO Productions would save the horror genre from inept no-budget quickies and the "Curse of the Sequels" suffered by the small indie studios and Universal respectively. A+.
Identity (2003)- This is one of those twisty turny ‘who’s the killer’ flicks. Several people are all trapped at a motel in the desert as a freak storm has washed out the road. One of them is a cop who has a convict with him, the con escapes and the murders begin, but could it actually be the convict doing it and why is there a room key at the scene of each murder? Each answer just asks another question as everything begins to spiral out of control. True, when we find out what is really happening it feels like kind of a letdown so not all the twists worked for me, but I have to admit I was into this one as it went along. Well-acted, well-paced, and well-directed so while the whole over-arching story may not have been perfect, it was executed well (no pun intended this time) so I’ll give it a B+.
In The Mouth of Madness (1994)- This is considered the last in John Carpenter’s ‘Apocalypse Trilogy’, which were 3 unrelated films "The Thing", "Prince of Darkness" and this one. Here he pays an obvious tribute to the great horror/fantasy/sci-fi writer HP Lovecraft, although the movie isn’t based on any particular Lovecraft story, just an overview of his style and ideas. In this one we have an insurance investigator who is looking into the disappearance of a famous horror writer, Sutter Cane, who has disappeared just before the release of his new book. He believes it is a just a publicity stunt and it turns out he’s half right. But the ‘half wrong’ drives him insane and may just spell the end of the world as he goes to great lengths to find the author, and may in fact actually be in one of his stories. The line between reality and fantasy is blurred to great effect and this flick just works on a lot of levels. It is far fetched in a Twilight Zone/Lovecraft sort of way and that works for me. A.
Incredible Shrinking Man, The (1957)- Goofy 50s sci-fi garbage? Not when Richard Matheson's writing. Yeah it has a definite 50s feel but it still works. A guy is out on his boat when it drifts through a weird fog that leaves him covered in glitter. Shortly thereafter his clothes no longer seem to fit. After awhile it becomes obvious, he's getting smaller... and smaller... and smaller. Mr. Drysdale's goofy sci-fi explanations aside, the rest of this movie is pretty good. The FX are impressive (considering the times) as the shrinking man lives in a doll house, fights his cat, a spider, cardboard boxes, and a leaky hot water heater, and the acting is believable throughout. The un50s-like psuedo-religious ending surprised me, even though it was kind of weak. Strong B+.
Indestructible Man, The (1956)- A worn out looking Lon Chaney Jr. stumbles through this craptacular mess in a nether world between Frankenstein’s Monster and Mad Max. Lon is a bad man, or was a bad man. He stole $600,000 and hid it away, then was framed by his lawyer, but even on death row wouldn’t tell where the money was hidden, but he does promise to get revenge, and, in a quirky twist of fate, is accidentally brought back to life by a couple of scientists experimenting on his cadaver. He can’t talk, but we know he’s incredibly pissed off by the close ups of his twitching eyes... Or maybe that’s just those pesky delirium tremens. Anyway, we’re subjected to the noir voice over of the detective on the case as Lon makes his way from San Francisco to Los Angeles to exact said revenge and get his money back too. His plan isn’t all that great by the way, if he even really has one. This is pretty typical revenge flick material not unlike Chaney Sr’s. "The Unknown" and "West of Zanzibar" and very similar to Karloff's "Walking Dead" or later flicks like the aforementioned "Mad Max", except those movies were good. This is a train wreck definitely worth a viewing for the lovers of the craptacular. I’m giving this one an A on the craptacular scale, I might have given it a B+ but that back and forth between the detective and the stripper is just too good. Stripper: "Do you have a first name?" Cop: "Dick." Stripper: "Oh, then I guess it’s a date." And at the end; Cop to stripper: "I just got you fired." Check it out to see why!
Infection (2004)- A Japanese horror flick. I've been hearing a lot of good things about what's been happening in Japanese horror for the last several years so I am trying to find some of them to share reviews. This was my first 'real' Japanese horror flick (not counting Godzilla movies and American remakes). Anyway, the plot is sort of like "The Grudge". Some doctors and nurses let a patient die and then apparently become cursed, or 'infected' with guilt. It's pretty effective and builds up some nice suspense with some pretty good payoffs. The atmosphere is great too in the dark and dirty hospital as it becomes contaminated with their guilt (I guess it's how they see their environment). Anyway, I dug it for the most part but the very end didn't make a lot of sense to me, maybe I missed something. B-.
Inferno (1980)- Argento’s sort of sequel to "Suspiria". Apparently the Suspiria witch wasn’t the only one, there are two more, and this one revolves around the second... I guess. There really is no coherent plot. A woman stumbles across a book about the 3 witches, they apparently had an architect build them each a building in different countries, from which they will rule the world. This lady realizes she lives in one of the buildings, she calls her brother who is studying music in Rome, and he rushes to help her and is tossed into a bizarre nightmare world of murder and witchcraft. This is a strange one and has a lot of bad acting in it to boot, but if you like movies that ‘look’ good, well then here you go. This is a beautifully filmed movie (I think that is the first time I’ve ever used that phrase, I will try and make it the last), the color saturation, the long shots of the maze like apartments, the exteriors and the use of the moon, clouds, and rain. Everything is based on a look and atmosphere, little or no time was spent on dialogue or story, and you can tell this was done on purpose. If you don’t mind sacrificing the narrative for the look, then this is for you, if you hate that approach I recommend you stay far far away! I liked this but wouldn’t say it was the masterpiece some say it is. If Argento is such a great director how come he can’t get good performances out of his actors? I know that’s not where he focuses his attention, but if the acting was just a little more believable this could’ve been amazing. A
Innocent Blood (1992)- A female vampire with a conscience uses bad guys for food. She always makes sure she finishes the job too so she's not out creating bad guy vampires. She decides to take on some mobsters but gets interrupted before she can finish the job on the mob boss, so now we have a gangster undead roaming around. She hooks up with a former undercover cop to stop what she started. This is a decent enough horror comedy, sort of a companion to "An American Werewolf in London". Some of the effects work some don't (the crazy eyes and voice changes the lady vampire go through are too over the top). It's a nice original plot. (Why didn't Hollywood think of this one back in the day? How great would Edward G. Robinson and James Cagney have been as vampire gangsters?) Don Rickles makes a great cameo as a lawyer for the mob boss. Don's great but some of the acting is terrible, sadly that of the main character almost ruins the movie. C+.
Innocents, The (1961)- This flick is based on Henry James' "Turn of the Screw" a long short story. I read "Turn of the Screw" one October and it is a pretty effective ghost story. I could see it turned into a good movie and, for the most part, that is achieved here. The story revolves around a new governess sent to care for orphans whose rich uncle has custody but really wants nothing to do with the kids and makes that very clear from the beginning. The governess begins to see and hear things in the huge mansion and on the property and it seems the kids may somehow be involved, or at least influenced by the things they saw when their previous governess was alive and having an affair with the valet (who is also dead). Simply put this is a psychological thriller set in the guise of a ghost story, however we are never really sure if the ghosts exist in reality, or only in the prudish virginal governess’ mind. There are so many undercurrents happening just below the surface you could write an entire essay on the meaning of it all. This movie predates "The Haunting" by a couple years and you can see where "The Haunting" borrowed quite a bit from a directing standpoint (camera angles, lighting, etc.) but the effect in "The Haunting" is better over-all. "The Others" was also very loosely based on "Turn of the Screw" and takes its name from a line in "The Innocents." This is a slow building unresolved ending ghost story, only those who like that approach need apply. On my second viewing of it I finally understood. A+
Insidious (2011)- Looking for a ghost story with all the goods? This is it! No, it’s not too original, you can pretty much quote where each scene was borrowed from (mostly ‘Poltergeist’, but also ‘The Innocents’, ‘The Others’, ‘The Uninvited’, and ‘The Haunting’, among others) but it is chock full of workable jump scares and ‘did I just see something’ shots (provided your viewing environment is suitable for tension releasing jump scares). Anyway, the plot is about a young family who move into a new house and after a nasty fall their boy slips into a coma, or is it a coma? Weird things commence so they move from the ‘haunted’ house only to have the problems follow them. Could it have something to do with the boy’s comatose state? And it’s about this time that the gears begin to grind a little. If you want pure scares without camp relief and don’t want a crazy ending not too seemingly far from a Coffin Joe adventure then maybe this one won’t be for you after all, sorry, but I dug the slide into over-the-top insanity and found myself actually laughing out loud at the goofiness perpetrated by the director. It just worked for me. No there isn’t deep plot development, or shocking gore, or anything very original (the main ghost/demon looks like a Star Wars character!) but I liked it as a good gotcha flick anyway. A.
Invaders from Mars (1953)- ’53 was still fairly early in the sci-fi ‘invaders from space act as a metaphor for commies’ genre, but things must have been going downhill a tad already. This flick just doesn’t hold up so well, no I don’t expect great effects, but damn, stock footage of tanks and guys running around in ill fitting green velvet outfits over and over doesn’t really qualify as ‘effects’ does it? This one was aimed at the kiddies and in that vein it does work I guess. A little kid who is overly interested in astronomy sees a space ship land near his house and his dad, and later mom, start acting pretty weird. Since the kid isn’t taken to flights of imagination everyone just pretty much believes him and all the stops are pulled to end the invasion, and by that I mean TANKS! It is a product of its time and keeping that in mind I’ll give it a C+, the minimalist sets and art design work here and there and lend an almost surreal feel at times, despite the clunky acting and dialogue.
Invasion, The (2007)- We really didn’t need another take on "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers" but oh well. All in all this isn’t a bad flick, starts off suspenseful enough with the space shuttle crashing and a possible alien virus being found in the remains. People start acting weird and a psychiatrist starts to notice. Things slowly unravel, and then very quickly unravel and there are some interesting scenes. We slide into action adventure complete with car chases, explosions, and helicopters and then just like that it’s over. Yeah, it was a little anti-climactic at the end but I didn’t hate it PLOT SPOILER AHEAD! Recently a lot of these type of films have had the negative ending (the 70s version did too), this has the happy ‘Hollywood’ ending and I guess what I’m saying is that ain’t always bad. This one may be a little more realistic in its approach than the 50s version or the 70s version but over all I liked those two better, you’re best bet would be to do a Bodysnatcher weekend and catch all 3. B-
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)- Another allegory for the Red Scare of the 50's. Alien spores turn people into pods that spit out identical albeit alien twins of themselves. Damned Commies. Paranoia and fleeing ensues. Don't trust anyone! I love the paranoid feel movies like this invoke, when it works that is, and here is does work A-.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)- Hollywood felt it was time to remake the classic tale of suspense. The original was a nice metaphor for the Red Scare, not sure about this remake. There are some obvious religious cult over tones (Born Again) and also a look into how our modern lives are becoming devoid of emotion but metaphors aside is this good? Well the plot is basically the same except now we're in San Francisco. The alien pods hatch out their clones while the real people sleep, they look like the regular folks but there's just something not quite right. A nice feeling of paranoia is built up and the acting and directing work for the most part. And this one has a pretty classic ending that I still dig. There are some weaknesses such as the dog with human head clone, seriously man, that wasn't necessary, and the silly "We've been floating in space... riding the solar winds... we survive... we adapt..." speech. Why would these aliens feel compelled to explain themselves at all, especially when said explanation is a poorly written 70s sci-fi goofy speech. Still, weaknesses aside this is a classic. A-
Invisible Agent, The (1942)- Universal had an amazing stock of great characters, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man, The Mummy, The Wolfman, and later The Creature from the Black Lagoon, yet, with a couple exceptions, they had no idea what to do with them and this is a perfect example, which, not coincidentally came out the same year as the first bad Frankenstein movie "The Ghost of Frankenstein" and a pretty bad Mummy movie "The Mummy's Tomb". Some German and Japanese agents ask the grandson of the inventor of the 'formula' what his price for the formula is and we're off to a really good start. He refuses to sell and then tells the US government who nicely ask him if he'd give them the formula. He says "No" he'd like to forget about it and the nice government man says "OK". Then the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and the man changes his mind, as long as he is the only one that will be made invisible. So does he get injected and slowly loose his mind? Does he become evil like his grandfather and decide to try and take over the world himself? No, he does his job, falls in love with a double agent, and PLOT SPOILER (well not really) after a very successful mission with no side effects and a bright future with the German double agent, all is well, and a German attack has been diverted (imagine if they would've had the character go insane with megalomania and try and take over the world, splitting the WWII backdrop with a crazy invisible man, that could've been great). Pretty dumb stuff. Peter Lorre was good though, but they put glasses on him and made him play a "Jap". D.
Invisible Ghost, The (1941)- Another Bela Lugosi vehicle. This is a cheapy with some bad acting but Bela raises it up from mere mediocrity. He is actually very good and his acting and facial expressions are great. It's a rare Bela film where we get to see him actually act. He gets blamed for being hammy and staged but it was usually the directors and producers who wanted that side of him for the trash flicks he ended up in. When he played it straight, like here, he was a very good actor. Whatever you do, don't try and make too much sense of the plot though. Back in the day they didn't pay a lot of attention to the 'whys' and 'wheres' of a movie storyline. Just watch, suspend belief, and don't ask too many questions. Bela is a rich widow whose daughter is in love and almost engaged to a young man. There have been some murders on his property lately and the young man takes the rap, and is then executed. Of course we know that it's Bela doing the murders. His wife isn't actually dead; she's just insane and living on the property somewhere. She wonders out at night and when Bela sees her he goes into a rage and kills folks. He then 'wakes up' and doesn't remember anything that happened. It may seem I'm giving too much away but it is all revealed as you watch the film, there really are no surprises or twists. Basically I think this is a well-directed but poorly written movie. There are some interesting and creepy camera angles that predate films like "Night of the Living Dead" and "Carnival of Souls" but have that same feeling; a little (OK a lot) more time on rewrites and a little more imagination and this could've been a great movie. B-.
Invisible Invaders (1959)- It was the 50s and if it wasn't the commies trying to take over America then it was the aliens. Luckily we can learn, as a species, to work together, and, even more luckily, all invading aliens, no matter how advanced or invisible, always have one glaring weakness that will ruin their plans of invasion. These aliens are indeed invisible, but they take over the dead bodies of humans and stumble around in Romero zombie fashion until scientists find that fatal Achilles Heal. This is great 50s schlock complete with terrible effects and hilarious 50s sci-fi props so if you like that sort of thing you'll like this but if not stay away. One think you will notice is this film almost had to have been an influence on Romero and "Night of the Living Dead" as some scenes are very similar. C
Invisible Man, The (1933)- Claude Rains rants and raves about taking over the world and such because the serum he invented that made him invisible also drives men mad. James Whale directed this old school Universal Monster movie too. The FX are impressive for the times and the direction is more fluid and less 'staged' than many of the Universal Monster movies. Never the less much of the acting is really bad and the plot mirrors Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde very closely. The characters are flat and you never find yourself sympathizing with anyone in the movie. This may have been the first movie where the makers just assumed the FX would carry the show, they were as wrong then as they are now. C-.
Invisible Man Returns, The (1940)- A lot of reviews I've read talk about how great 'The Invisible Man' was. James Whale was a great director by that point, his exploration of megalomania was good, etc. I didn't like it though for reasons stated above. This movie more or less follows the first, but with a better storyline (the first really didn't have much of a story line). The original Invisible Man's brother gives his invisible-making serum to a friend who has been falsely accused of murder and is up for execution, he then easily escapes from prison. A young Vincent Price is the invisible man this time and plays the part with great restraint as he looks for evidence to clear his name and courts his fiancé all while invisible and trying to avoid that slipping into madness the serum eventually causes. Some of the acting is over the top and the camp works sometimes and doesn't at other times but over-all I thought this was a much more thought out story than the first one. A point to note, Price hadn't yet developed his 'horror movie persona' yet so don't expect to recognize his voice right off. B+.
Invisible Man's Revenge, The (1944)- Well now, if he wants revenge then maybe we're getting back to some edgier stuff like the "The Invisible Man" and "The Invisible Man Returns" and unlike the two pieces of crap that followed. And that's sort of what we get except the guy is crazy before becoming invisible. A guy has had amnesia for several years and when he remembers his past he realizes he was about to find a diamond mine in Africa when he became ill. He breaks out of a mental institution to get his part of the take from the diamond mine and believes that his partners at the time were responsible for his illness. They may have been and may still be willing to do what it takes to keep their money, what's left of it, or maybe not, that part of the plot is never really resolved. The effects in this movie are good for the times with the invisible man sometimes just being transparent rather than invisible and sometimes putting things like flour on his face so he can be seen. Still this movie pretty much sucks with a lame plot and it doesn't tie in with any of the other movies despite the main character's name being Griffon, but it was better than the previous two invisible movies. Now I can say I have seen all of Universal's big six monsters and the sequels too though. D+
Invisible Woman, The (1940)- There are probably many movies on my 'Horror' list that many think don't belong. They are too Sci-Fi, too 'Suspense', or not enough 'Horror' and I will debate that. But this movie is indefensible. It simply does not belong here and I apologize. I am a completist and I decided I wanted to see all the 'Big 6' Universal monster movies from back in the day and all the sequels (the 'Big 6' being Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Wolf Man, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon). So here it is, one of the sequels to "The Invisible Man". This movie however is a comedy. It is about a rich playboy who is now broke from chasing too many women and supporting a quack absent minded professor type. However the professor has just invented a machine that temporarily makes people invisible so everyone's money problems have been solved. But first he must test it on a volunteer. Enter a woman who is tired of her job and overbearing boss and has plans for when she becomes invisible (not really diabolical plans, just sort of Dickens "A Christmas Carol" type plans). Then mobsters find out about the machine and want to steal it. You can pretty much tell it was 1940 because the head mobster is German and has a Hitler haircut. Shemp Howard shows up as a mobster too. So we have invisible dress model, playboy, absent minded professor, playboy's slapstick butler, a Hitler mobster, and the 4th stooge. I like old school horror, gangster, drama, and suspense movies but I don't like old school comedies, unless they have Laurel and Hardy or WC Fields and this one has neither. It was watchable but barely. D-.
Invisible Ray, The (1936): Not bad not great early sci-fi flick about a loner scientist (Boris Karloff) who discovers how to 'view' past events by looking at 'rays' that have been traveling at light speed across space. With this evidence he pinpoints where to find a rare element from a meteorite that crashed into the earth "thousands of millions" of years ago. He finds the element but becomes contaminated. He glows in the dark and kills anything he touches. Luckily Bela Lugosi is the greatest astro chemist in the world and quickly finds an antidote. Boris must take it daily though and it may just drive him insane and make him want to kill those who stole his ideas and his wife. The acting is pretty good for such silly material. Nothing cool about the directing. It moves well for the most part but slows down during some of the 'love' sequences. Just your basic predictable old school sci-fi flick, middle C.
Isle of the Dead (1945)- I was stoked to see this Val Lewton flick, but then felt a little let down. Karloff is a general taking a break after a terrible battle has thinned his troops and weakened his lines. He heads to a small island where his wife is buried and is angered to find the tombs disturbed. He finds a cast of strange characters visiting the island for different reasons. Some live on the island and some are bound by old superstitions. When members of the group begin showing signs of a plague Karloff forbids them to leave. Science meets superstition as the debate between plague and wardaluck (vampire type creature) take front stage. Karloff is no nonsense but in the end is faced with the fact we all are powerless, even great generals, science or superstition. This was a good movie with good atmosphere and acting. It was suspenseful and moved along nicely. But in the end I just felt disappointed. I really am unsure why, I just never really got into it and the end was a little disappointing. C+.
Island Monster, The (1954)- This movie has "monster" in the title so it must be horror or sci-fi right? Wrong. It is (supposedly) a suspense thriller with ‘monster’ being used as a metaphor for a horrible person. Still, watching this one I was constantly reminded of the Japanese monster movies with the cardboard acting, horrible dubbing, unimaginative and frozen cinematography, and overly dramatic musical score. In the Japanese monster movies those things actually work in creating what I guess you could call ‘charm’, here they combine to make a rotten movie that moves at a snail’s pace. Boris Karloff is a kindly old doctor who runs a clinic for children on an Italian island, but it’s really a front for his drug cartel. An Italian officer is sent to the island to help the local police uncover the drug ring and confusion, terrible acting, and annoying dubbing ensue. The officer’s little girl’s trained dog is the highlight of this one. Sorry Boris, you flunk. F.
It (1990)- Made for TV Stephen King stuff. It was a miniseries but was later edited down to movie size. It is probably the 2nd best of the Stephen King made for TV shows ("Needful Things" being my favorite), which, in my opinion, isn't saying too much. But this one is actually really good until the very end, which is typical, and then I felt really let down. It's about, yup, people who do some stuff when they are young, memories linger, they go back home, etc. Stephen King has made a career out of 'variations on a theme'. Anyway, there was a serial killer of kids around the neighborhood when these people were young, but this killer was of the supernatural ilk. The flashbacks are very effective and a very palpable feeling of dread is created when that damn clown is around or when they kids see flashes of the supernatural like hearing the voice come from the sink. It is shot and acted really well and if it weren't for the lame ending would be a really good film. B+.
It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955)- Very typical entrant into the 50s giant monster sci-fi sub genre. A giant octopus is threatening ships at sea and heading toward San Francisco. The Navy and a couple of scientists are on the hunt and love triangle ensues, sort of. Not great stuff even for those that love this stuff like me, still, if you are into these flicks you need to see it for Harryhausen’s octopus (with 6 arms) destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge. C-
It Came From Outer Space (1953)- Yes, It did. A meteor races across the desert sky and is witnessed by an amateur astronomer and his girlfriend. They go to investigate and he swears he saw a crashed ship, not a meteor, in the crater, but a landslide makes confirming his suspicion impossible and he becomes the butt of local jokes. But when some locals start acting weird, the sheriff realizes something may in fact be amiss. Although pretty weak overall this does have some strong positives. It really doesn’t follow the 50s sci-fi formula done to death by so many of those clones. The ‘law’ is often wrong, and verging on out of control, conformists are NOT rewarded (our hero is kind of an outcast geek who the sheriff believes doesn’t deserve the girlfriend he has), and the aliens in fact are not executing a poorly planned invasion. I hope that isn’t giving too much away. Anyway, a pretty good 50s sci-fi flick, which you will HATE if you hate those, but should like if you can appreciate them. I’ll give it a B on the regular scale because I’m feeling generous today and it was different enough from most of its era/genre to get a reward.
It: The Terror From Beyond Space (1958)- Classic piece of typical 50s sci-fi double feature material. A ship is sent to Mars for the first manned expedition. We know the ship has landed, however contact was lost right after the landing. Another ship is sent to look into the situation and finds one survivor, who is then charged with the murder of his crew mates. His story about a Martian life form wreaking havoc on the crew during a dust storm is all but laughed at, until, you guessed it, the life form hitches a ride on the rescue ship and is headed back to Earth, and feeding on the crew. Sound familiar, yeah it’s ‘Alien’ way before ‘Alien’. Anyway this is a pretty large and comfortable ship, complete with gravity and waitresses! Oh and hand grenades, lots of guns, a huge blood supply, and tons of giant crates of stuff; weight must not be an issue on the spaceships of the distant future world of 1973 when this takes place! It is top notch 50s schlock to be sure and a must see if you like that, but it is interesting also in that ‘Alien’ is basically (VERY basically) a remake of this. Don’t expect Gieger designs though, you know what you’re getting into with these right? I’ll give this a strong A on the craptacular scale!
It's Alive (1974)- Another in the late 60s early 70s ‘We’re scared of the younger generation’ horrors. This time out we also get lessons on corporate profits, birth control, abortion, pollution, and business and family loyalty all at no added charge (oh and 70s design and fashion too, watch for these!). A woman is pregnant and in maybe the mellowest 70s labor ever gives birth to a monster that proceeds to kill everyone in the delivery room except the mother and then escapes through the skylight. Rather than figure someone snuck into the hospital, committed the crimes and stole the baby, they pretty much just assume the new born did it. Camp played straight as an arrow follows as the little baby tries to find his way home, leaving a trail of dead along the way with one of the most classic endings ever! This movie more than many, is a product of its time, it looks and feels VERY mid-70s and I’ll give it a B+ for trying to be nothing more than that, which is to say, trying to be a little bit of EVERYTHING!
Jason and the Argonauts (1963)- Those of you used to modern adventure/fantasy flicks like ‘The Lord of the Rings’ will likely find this ‘quaint’ at best and tedious at worst! It does run slow and features the old school stop-motion animation made famous by the original ‘King Kong’ movie. The plot? Jason’s family (including his king father) are killed by an invading, and very greedy king. 20 years later Jason is determined to get his revenge, with a little help from Hera, Queen of the Gods, he makes his way to get the Golden Fleece to restore the morale of his people and overthrow the king that killed his family. Of course getting the Golden Fleece ain’t gonna be easy! Lots of monsters, double crossings, and mayhem follow him along the way. Not my favorite amongst the Harryhausen flicks but still it stands up really well, and I love the monsters he creates from the giant bronze statue to the winged demon like things that torture the old blind man (can’t remember what they’re called) and everything in between. He obviously loved his work! Typical wooden acting bogs it down at times but like I often say, if you dig these old fantasy flicks, this is a must see, if you don’t, you will hate this! I’ll give it a B+, not quite as good as the Sinbad flicks, but getting there.
Jeepers Creepers (2001)- This is another ‘college kids in distress slasher flick’ but most stereotypes end there. A brother and sister are driving home across country and decide to take the back highways rather than the interstates. They see what they think is someone dumping bodies into a drainpipe, they go back to investigate and seal their own fates. Cat and mouse with an old muscle car, a beat up old delivery truck, and the thing driving it ensues as does tension and suspense. A well acted well directed story kind of in the vein of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but with a twist. It’s not all great and I got the feeling by the time we end up in the police station maybe the writers were out of ideas but it is still a strong movie and I liked it quite a bit. A-.
Jennifer (1953)- A new caretaker is hired to watch over a scary old mansion in the boonies. She is replacing a caretaker who mysteriously disappeared and who no one seems to remember actually seeing. Lots of potential but falls flat! Over-acting acting, followed by under-acting, plot twists that don’t twist, and an ending that makes no sense at all if you think about it; Nice atmosphere at times but too little too late. Pretty much a waste of time. D-
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)- Yeah, I was hoping for the craptacular masterpiece the name leads you believe it would be, but really, it’s not so bad it’s good, and it’s not good either. Yeah, there are moments that had me chuckling at crazy plot holes and lapses of logic, but really, it just sucked for the most part. Apparently Dr. Frankenstein’s grandkids (yes, his grandson and granddaughter, not daughter at all) move to America to continue the good doctor’s experiments. The abundance of lightning out in the plains makes all those electrical gizmos in the lab work much better. So anyway the Frankenstein’s kill off some of the locals and then Jesse James comes knocking after his half-wit side kick takes a bullet in a heist gone wrong. Lab scenes one step above cartoon, acting that makes cardboard seem interesting, and TERROR follow. Maybe my problem was I was expecting a craptacular masterpiece rather than just going in with an open mind. But that title, oh well, either way I pretty much hated this one. F.
Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)- Oh my! What’s not to love? Spaceship with oscilloscopes and VU meters for instruments; Chauvinist tough guy astronauts, Cyclops claymated dino-rat thing, stock footage from other moves, mind reading alien, Scandinavian hotties, amazing theme song. Yup, this one has it all and then some. A UN expedition to Uranus leads some astronauts into mayhem as an alien intelligence plans on taking over their bodies to get back to earth. He begins the process by creating sort of a little paradise for the astronauts, complete with women from their past and delicious apples (which is apparently all one of the guys dreams about). Oh and dangerous creatures, and, well, lots of other stuff that really makes no sense at all with regard to the alien’s plan. How they didn’t get sued by Ray Bradbury is kind of amazing as this is basically culled from a couple of his stories. It is just full of everything bad but good and a must see for the lovers of bad 50s sci-fi. A+ on the craptacular scale for the theme song alone!
Ju-On (2004)- Remade in America as "The Grudge" I think this better translates as "The Curse", which is what this movie is about. A family dies a very violent death at the raging hands of the husband/father (he kills his wife, son, cat, and himself in the family house). Now anyone who sets foot in the house is cursed since the violent rage the family died in is left behind like a filthy residue. The movie starts with a social worker who is sent to the house to help a family with their elderly mother. The social worker finds the house a mess and the old lady in a catatonic state. She begins cleaning up and is pulled into the curse of the house. From there we are taken on a non-linear chapter like film that goes from person to person and their experience with the curse. I have to admit, that in my humble opinion this is a masterpiece. It has been years since I saw the American version and from what I remember they are very similar (I gave that an A) but something about this one just really hooked me. The use of shadow, the makeup, the sound effects, the out of focus backgrounds with the little boy, the close-ups of the murdered mother, etc. all come together for a great ‘ghost story’ flick. If you like nightmare inspiring ghost stories and you don’t mind the non-linear approach and the ‘Japanese’ ending possible SPOILER AERT (nothing is tied together too neatly, and if anything, you kind of get the feeling that maybe the curse is spreading) then this is a must see. A+
Kidnapped (1974)- Bava drops the black humor goes balls out violent in this flick about a pay roll heist that goes wrong. The criminals, surrounded by the cops, kidnap a woman, after killing her friend, and escape in her car, they then carjack another car, driven by a man who is taking his son to the hospital for emergency surgery. What follows is a very tense, well directed study of depravity and criminal mayhem, all of which almost exclusively takes place in the car. Some of the tension building scenes (the woman’s escape attempt, sexual depravity, the fender bender in the traffic jam, etc.) are brilliantly directed. Almost everything works, especially the twist ending, which to be honest I had pretty much figured out. Some of the acting goes a little over the top at times but other than that this one works very well. A
Kill Baby Kill (1966)- This is a strange murder mystery with a supernatural story. It has the look and feel of a Hammer film but at the end of the day ends up a little more stylistically directed by Bava. A doctor is called into a small village to perform an autopsy on a woman who it seems committed suicide but a police inspector thinks otherwise, and the scared locals won’t talk at all because they are afraid of a curse on the village. This is a very atmospheric horror film with little or no gore, as I said, like Hammer films of the same period, but Bava kicks it all up a notch with his use of camera angles and colors. An obvious influence on flicks by directors like Dario Argento. A strong A.
Kill Theory (2009)- Sometimes I watch a cliché stereotype laden horror flick and am forgiving because something about it works for me, sometimes I watch one and just get pissed at the total lack of originality. This would fall in the latter category. A man is released from an institution after a mountain climbing accident had him cut the rope on his friends so he could survive, he was convicted of manslaughter, did time with therapy, and upon release has to agree to weekly therapy with his psychiatrist, who is bragging about writing a book and making money from the guy. Boy I bet he’ll be sorry. Cut to some horny drinking college kids celebrating their graduation at a rich friend’s house, soap opera histrionics and tried and true slasher plot follow. Over-acting and annoying people make this impossible to care much about, these ‘kids’ deserve to die. F.
Killer Shrews, The (1959)- A masterpiece of the craptacular! Here we have some researches doing their research on a ‘tropical’ island (and what a strange island, full of oak and maple trees that seem to have lost their leaves for the Fall, but not a single palm tree or the like in site). Captain Roscoe P. Coltrane is bringing them supplies but a hurricane, probably the weakest hurricane in the history of the Caribbean, is on its way so he’s going to have to anchor in their cove for the night. He has a black first mate and the researchers have a Mexican helper, if you watch this with some friends I’ll let you wager which one gets killed first. Anyway, turns out the researchers are trying to make people smaller so they’ll live longer and eat less. They experiment on shrews since they have such high metabolism and short life cycle, and it seems one of their experiments has gone terribly awry, so awry that the effects seem to be the total opposite of making them smaller, and instead they are the size of large dogs. Oddly, they are EXACTLY the size of large dogs, and they are seriously, insanely hungry. This has pretty much everything you would expect from a 50s sci-fi flick called "The Killer Shrews". It has to get a pretty strong A on the craptacular scale.
King Kong (1933)- This was one of the first "Big Monster" Monster Movies. Man against nature, beauty and the beast, don't tamper with things, etc. All those themes run deep here and the 50s radiation beasts and sci-fi movies (including the Japanese monsters in the Godzilla films) would take note. You probably know the story; filmmaker goes to uncharted island to film beauty and the beast themed film. Finds more than he bargained for then decides to do more than make a movie when he takes said find to New York City. Chaos ensues. This movie has been re-filmed, rewritten, and reworked many times and in many ways (King Kong sequels, Godzilla movies, Jurassic Park, especially the sequel which basically was King Kong with a T Rex, and on and on). All things considered it is really a variation on the Frankenstein story too. This original holds up pretty well. Yeah the acting is dated as are the effects, but for 1933 this was ahead of its time. I'll give it an A-.
King Kong (2005): Wow, this flick looks great. It follows the original very closely but with much more detail. The effects are incredible but never really seem to 'steal the show'. The acting, directing, and story are all done very well. My only complaint is it is a little too insane at times, I mean come on, nobody could survive that! Still, I liked it quite a bit. A-.
King of the Zombies (1941)- Sure this one is chock full of racial stereotypes typical of the early 40s, but the black man servant Morland made the best of his character Jeff and basically out performed everyone else in this little cheapy. A plane gets lost in a storm near an area where a naval admiral recently disappeared. Luckily there’s an island with enough area to land on and someone on the island is sending radio transmissions. The plane crashes and the 3 occupants, Bill, Mac, and Bill’s valet Jeff find a creepy old house occupied by an Austrian doctor, who claims there is no radio on the island. The plot thickens as we meet the Dr’s wife who is almost catatonic and his niece who seems very nervous for some reason. Jeff soon discovers there are zombies on the island and quite possibly some ghosts too and we’re lured into a spy comedy horror drama that only the WWII era could give us. Yeah, it’s mostly crap and if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen them all but still, it moves along at a good pace and has a couple of effective set pieces. Yeah the racial stereotypes are played up but if you think about, Jeff the valet is really the only one that is right about everything all along. Not quite craptacular stuff so I’ll give it a D+.
Kiss of the Vampire (1963)- Hammer loved their vampires more than any other creature. In this one a family of vampires lives in a big ol' castle. They like to initiate pretty women into the cult they've built up in the area by having big masquerade balls and making them vampires during the party. Actually some fairly edgy stuff considering the times and pretty original script (OK, all of these were just 'damsel in distress' flicks but it was an interesting way to do it). It had an original albeit very strange ending that again showed the limits of bat special effects technology. A-.
Kwaidan (1965)- An amazing Japanese art house omnibus horror film. Let me start by saying if you don’t like Asian horror, or artsy styling with your horror, or very subtle ‘ghost’ type stories, then this is definitely not for you. This is all of those things, very Asian, artsy, and slow paced suspense over any ‘shocks’. My only real complaint would be it gets a little too slow paced at times, but for the most part that just lends to the dream-like feel of the whole thing. Story one is called "Black Hair" and revolves around a young selfish Samurai who leaves his wife and their poverty behind and marries the daughter of a wealthy man. He finds his new wife to be selfish and discovers his own selfishness in the process. He returns to his first and only true love, only to find things in his old home town a little out of sorts. I give this a strong A. Story two, "The Woman in the Snow", is about a woodcutter’s apprentice who gets caught in a blizzard with his teacher. They take refuge in the boatman’s cabin (the boatman is on the other side of the river). The apprentice awakens to see a woman breathing on his teacher, who then freezes. She moves to do the same to the apprentice but takes pity on him, telling him to never tell anyone what he has seen. The apprentice goes on to be a successful woodcutter and marries a beautiful girl, who he soon tells about the night in the cabin, which he shouldn’t be doing. This is a very dream-like piece and was my favorite, incredibly well directed and staged, A+ (also the 1990 movie "Tales From the Dark Side" had a story based on this one.) Story three is called "Hoichi the Earless" and tells the tale of a blind musician who is summoned each night to perform his rendition of a song about a great battle that took place between warring clans. What he doesn’t know, and soon finds out, is that the people who are summoning him were in the battle... And now he has to find a way to get out of the performance. This is also an amazing story, incredibly well filmed with great visuals, but I have to admit, at times it just felt like it went on and on and on and I was loosing interest quickly. I should’ve started the movie a little earlier I guess. I will give this a strong B+, over all it probably deserves better, but unless you have a great attention span you’ll see what I mean. The final story is an odd nightmare about a guard who see a reflection in his tea cup, later, while on duty, he sees the person from the reflection and attacks him, only to see him disappear. Later he is visited by three men and warned that he must pay for what he has done, a very odd story that I will give an A to. Overall I give this an A+, keeping in mind my reservations mentioned above.
Lady Frankenstein (1971)- Not really as bad as the title might lead you to believe. Dr. Frankenstein’s daughter returns from University, where she excelled at biology just like daddy did. She has even more far out ideas and when dad dies at the hands of his own creation, she steps in to further his experiments. She falls in love with her father’s assistant, who is older and, well, some of the pipes don’t work so well. I bet if they kill someone and transplant his brain into a younger body… all the while the first monster is killing people… toss in torch carrying villagers… you get the idea. To sum up, the way they obtain a body for the lab assistant? Well, lady Frankenstein strips down, starts riding the guy they are going to kill, and continues riding him while the assistant is killing him, and seems to pretty much dig the proceedings. Yeah, it’s typical Euro-horror, bad dubbing, terrible monster make-up, and some senseless plotlines, but really not a bad retelling of the story. C+.
Lady in the Water (2006)- M. Night, you realize you are asking for bad reviews don't you? This is a fantasy fairy tale come-true story about a girl who comes from the "Blue World" to inspire man to stop being so violent. She can do this just by her appearance to someone who is 'chosen', problem is she doesn't know who this person is. She shows up at an apartment complex full of colorful characters and looks for help from the helpful complex manager. Of course there are creatures that want to see her fail, otherwise we wouldn't have a movie now would we? This movie is fairy tale fantasy so you have to completely suspend belief, or maybe that's not really the point. Maybe the point is to not consciously suspend belief but instead be moved to believe the unbelievable. Anyway, M. Night steps on some land mines and opens himself up to criticisms of arrogance and of having a huge ego, and probably rightly so as his character plays a pretty major role this time out and we are also subjected to the comedy relief of a snobby film critic who doesn't seem to understand the depth of film maker's use of symbolism, so at one point we are held by the hand as symbolism is explained. Yeah, those things need to be mentioned and I see people's point when they bring them up, but at the end of the day, is this or is this not a good movie? And in my opinion, yes it is a good movie. Those issues above may warrant discussion but they have little or nothing (in my opinion) to do with whether or not this is a good story. The acting is good, the directing is good, the writing (keeping in mind the fairy tale aspect) is good and I was entertained. So I got my money's worth. Not as good as "Signs" or the 6th Sense" but better than "The Village" (Jenny disagrees with me). A-.
Land of the Dead (2005)- The 4th in Romero's Zombie Trilogy... um. Anyway, people have learned to live with the zombies, or at least have learned to keep the zombies outside the gates of a well-fortified city. They have to occasionally go into the surrounding towns, which are filled with zombies, and get supplies though. It's on one of these outings someone realizes the zombies are learning and evolving. It isn't long before the zombies realize where the raids are coming from and attack the city. Romero gets his war between man and zombie and gets to symbolize the plight of the lower class (Zombies), the squeeze on the middle class (regular people in the city made to do the dirty work), and the greed of the upper class (the rich who live safely in the skyscraper). Great effects compliment a good story combined with Romero's great directing and finally a budget to match the vision. And there in lies the rub. Maybe too much of a good thing. I feel the actors come off as action heroes more than the "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances" feeling I got from the other Romero zombie flicks. Also the truck Dead Reckoning is just over done and seems dumb. Not to get too geeky but the zombie plague began in 1968 so when did they invent all that technology in that truck, like flat panel infrared monitors? They were still driving old Army Jeeps though, nice touch. Also, Dennis Hopper is great as the wealthy leader of the city. Despite the above mentioned weakness I am still compelled to give this an A because there was still so much good about it. A.
Last Broadcast, The (1998)- If you’ve read about this movie you know comparisons to "The Blair Witch" project are inevitable. They are very similar and were released very close together (this one being actually released first). This was the first film to be shot and edited entirely in the digital realm, and then also released that way as well. It is a ‘documentary’ about a cable access show and its hosts who do a live shot in the Jersey woods looking for the Jersey Devil. The hosts and the sound man are killed, but someone they took along as a psychic to help them find the Jersey Devil walks away without a scratch and is then convicted of the crime. The gist of the documentary is that this guy really couldn’t have been the murderer. This is all done in my opinion very well. It really feels like one of those low budget documentaries (which is really what it is, except it is all fake). It had me completely engrossed in it as that. Then the twist ending rolls around and I was caught completely off guard. My only complaint is at that point it leaves the point of view documentary style to show the viewer the truth and I think there may have been a better way to let us in on the secret without breaking that ‘wall’. I really liked this flick, I would say ‘Blair Witch’ was scarier and probably a little more polished, but this isn’t really meant to be that way, it is meant to feel like a documentary, and documentaries aren’t scary (plus it is a comment on the soundbite world we now live in and may be more relevent now than in '98)! If that sounds interesting, go into it with an open mind and you should dig it. A+
Last Exorcism, The (2010)- This seems to be one of those love it or hate it flicks. Yeah it is ‘The Exorcist’ meets ‘The Blair Witch Project’ with a dash of ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ thrown in for good measure. A preacher who has made a living performing exorcisms decides he has had enough and realizes he may not even believe in god anyway. He sets about making a documentary on how he has been fooling people his whole life and the film crew follows him on this one last exorcism. Of course things are not quite what they seem at the remote farm house. This is slow to start, but I think that was necessary to build the characters and explain why the documentary was being made. It was a nice believable set up, although those wanting non-stop action may get bored quickly. Once we’re at the farm house tension builds quickly until a very bizarre ending rolls up. This is a POV flick and like I always say, if you hate the jarring camera work and jumpy editing of these then stay away, otherwise I think this is worth a view late at night! A.
Last Man on Earth, The (1964)- Another take on a Matheson novel. This is based on his "I Am Legend". A great book about a virus that turns people into vampires. Matheson hated this movie, as I believe did its star Vincent Price but I like it quite a bit. You can really see where modern zombie movies comes from, as this movie is a bridge between the old school Voodoo zombies and the cannibal zombies of Romero. Price is locked away in his house all night waiting out the vampire/zombies as they try to get in and kill him. During the day he reinforces his house and kills the sleeping vampires/zombies. There are some suspenseful moments as he is late getting home etc. and the ending, though weird, is effective. The pseudo-scientific explanations work too rather then getting in the way of the story and the flash backs to the plague sweeping Europe and coming to America work well for me. I'm not sure why this movie is looked down on most of the time; yeah it's cheap, slow at times, and the editing is pisspoor but over all it still works on a B movie level. B.
Last Winter, The (2007)- I’ve said before, I like a message with my horror, but damn, could we please keep it subtle. This is one ham-fisted ‘oil company bad/environmentalist good’ baseball bat to the skull. It starts off strong as an advance crew for an oil company heads to the Arctic to look at the feasibility of drilling there, we know something bad happened to a prior crew but aren’t offered any details, and we’re off on a pretty good start, but that doesn’t last long as nothing makes much sense from there on, like exactly what is driving people crazy? Why are the head environmentalist’s notebooks full of serial killer like ranting, even though he is fine? What happened to the original crew and how does it tie in? Are those ghosts of dinosaurs or just hallucinations? What made the plane crash? Etcetc. Simply put it just fails on pretty much all levels. Obvious comparisons to Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’ can be made but the cramped paranoia works on that one, here it just becomes an afterthought. Although it deserves an F, I will give it a D- since the first quarter or so worked, after that you’re on your own!
Last Woman on Earth, The (1960)- It is better to aim high and miss... This flick tries pretty hard to be Hitchcock’s "Lifeboat" or an updated "Lord of the Flies", and it fails. Nice idea, but the writing just doesn't hold up. So what's going on here? A rich as Hell businessman, his wife, and his lawyer are on vacation in Puerto Rico (his wife is angry because he can never actually take a real vacation, hence the presence of the lawyer). They decide to actually take a day off and go scuba diving, when they surface it seems there is no oxygen to breath. They leave their tanks on and go ashore, soon realizing that oxygen is coming back, good for them, too late for everyone else (in the world? this we really don't know but a total lack of radio contact suggests they may in fact be the last humans). So the businessman does what businessmen do, he takes charge as the lawyer slowly begins to rebel and things sort of break down. The dialogue tries real hard to wax philosophical about humans and life and civilization but this is a cheap Corman flick so you pretty much get what you’d expect, but without the sly sense of humor present in a lot of his other work of this era. It wasn’t horrible, like I said, a good enough idea, and considering the budget it is well done, but the dialogue just wasn’t good enough to keep it moving along. D+
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)- Um, either Leatherface keeps moving in with different psycho-families or there is basically no continuity in this series. Anyway, a couple driving cross country wind up stopping at the wrong place for gas, get in a wreck in some Texas swamp, and the rest is pretty predictable stuff. Pretty violent this one takes an approach more similar to the original, less camp than part 2, more attempts at visceral fear, but this one pretty much fails at both. It seems the idea of a psychotic family is more interesting than Leatherface himself as he never really takes a lead role in the movies, despite this one’s name. D.
Leopard Man, The (1943)- Sort of following the basic plot of "She-Wolf of London", 'is it a wild animal or is it a serial killer?' premise. Nicely paced thriller with the usual Val Lewton production values. A performer is asked to walk a black leopard out with her for her act but another jealous performer scares the leopard off and before long girls begin to die in horrible ways. The end, taking place during a procession honoring Indians who had been killed by Conquistadors, is pretty effective. I wasn't surprised by the revelations at the end but I was surprised at what happened after those revelations. Ahead of its time. B.
Leprechaun (1993)- Like so many of these types of slasher/horror/comedies this movie about a killer leprechaun released from his crate and out to protect his gold from some half wits is very unoriginal, poorly acted, and terribly written. Yet I liked it. There are better examples in this sub-genre but this one's OK too. B-.
Let Me In (2010)- Remake of the Swedish vampire flick ‘Let the Right One In’, this pretty much follows that story, and that style, very closely. Not sure why a remake is necessary other than some folks hate reading subtitles I guess. Sad because the original is great, but really, so is this for the most part. It is the story of a 12 year old vampire girl (she’s been 12 a really long time). Her caretaker is getting sloppy in keeping her in a blood supply as she befriends a 12 year old boy who is the subject of much abuse at school. It is a great story, and well done but just check out the original. I am docking this some for its piss poor use of CGI. Why do they have to do that? A-.
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1975)- Surprising little zombie flick about farmers in the English countryside using a machine to kill off the insect pests, one unfortunate side effect of this machine is it tends to reanimate the nervous systems of the recently deceased, and, as would be expected, they aren’t too happy about it. A couple, thrown together by accident, literally, wind up at the center of a murder investigation as bodies start piling up about the time they arrive, which also happens to be about the time the insect machine goes into use. There are some effective moments and nice atmosphere in this Italian, set in England, zombie movie. It feels like it could be a Hammer film at times, which is sad because by 1975 Hammer was all but finished. If you’re looking for Italian Zombie movies a la Fulci then this isn’t for you, but if you’d like a subtler well-paced zombie story then check this one out. A
Let the Right One In (2008)- A great Swedish vampire tale about a junior high/middle school aged boy who is repeatedly picked on by the bullies. His new neighbor happens to be a 12 year old girl, who is also a vicious vampire (she’s been 12 for a really long time). She befriends him and the two carry on a bizarre friendship in the snowed in town. This is everything "Twilight" only dreamed of being. Damn near a masterpiece I think. Yeah, it is moody, slow moving, and on the surface, bland, for better lack of adjectives, so if you want to be spoon fed look elsewhere. If you like them moody, this is for you. A+
Lifeboat (1944)- Hitch loved to put people in tight confines and play out what that would be like and what could be worse than bobbing in a small lifeboat in the Atlantic during WWII? A mixture of crew and passengers makes for an interesting setup, toss in the captain of the German u-boat that sank the ship and you have tension galore along with a debate about humanity, trust, and revenge. There is a little too much obvious propaganda but that aside Hitch makes this one-set flick work on a lot of levels, and not many directors could! Also, props for not making the black character a stereotypical step’n’fetch-it type, an A- for this one.
Lisa and the Devil (1973)- In the mood for EuroArt horror? Don’t care that much for story line and continuity? Then this is for you. Bava’s masterpiece of mood and color follows Lisa, a tourist who gets separated from her tour group. She winds up at an odd castle with a couple on the verge of divorce, their chauffer, and a mother and son who live in the house along with their very strange butler and his life-like mannequins. Apparently Lisa very closely resembles someone who once lived at the house as well and things start breaking down there. If you like these almost art house type of flicks then this is a must see, Bava’s use of color, and his use of set pieces and even costume (pay close attention to what everyone is wearing) is second to none. If, however you’re not a fan of this type of fair, then I would pass on it if I were you. Know what you are getting into here! I really liked this one and will give it a very strong A.
Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane, The (1976)- This flick was often billed as a horror movie, or at best a thriller, but it falls maybe a tad short in both respects. The story is about a little girl... who lives down the lane... Sorry, anyway, we soon find out she is actually living there alone (at age 13) and she is pretty much willing to do whatever it takes to remain an independent little girl as she deals with the landlord, the bank, and the landlord’s pedophile son (with some help from her crippled magician boyfriend?!?). A tad strange, definitely far fetched, and at times pretty dated feeling too, despite the rave reviews I’ve read I just couldn’t really get into it. The acting was actually really good and it is well written and directed, and I liked the idea of the adults being suspicious but still too wrapped up in there own hang-ups to really notice anything, but still, despite all these positives, the package as a whole fell a little flat for me. C.
Little Shop of Horrors (1960)- Classic little horror comedy that basically follows the same story as Corman’s earlier "Bucket of Blood". A half-wit delivery boy at a florist in ‘Skid Row’ is on the verge of getting fired. He can’t allow this to happen as he has to support his hypochondriac mother so he breeds a new plant that he hopes will make the floral shop famous and him secure. The plant starts out interesting enough but soon gets sick and he accidentally realizes it really likes human blood. The plant grows very quickly on its new diet but where to get more food? A series of accidents leads to bodies which leads to food, which leads to a bigger and hungrier plant. This was remade into a successful musical play and later a remake of the movie in the guise of the musical play. A classic incredibly low budget quickie from the Corman catalogue (with an appearance by a very young and masochistic Jack Nicholson). B
Living Dead Girl, The (1978)- European sexploitation and horror; nothing to see here, please move along. A dead girl’s crypt is disturbed by toxic waste and general dumbassery. She gets up and craves blood, kills some naked folks, gets naked herself etc. Her former lesbian lover happens to be a real estate agent trying to sell the now living dead girl’s castle. They made a promise to stay together forever so the real estate agent works to get the living dead girl the blood she needs. Pretty standard stuff with some of the worst ‘acting’ I have ever seen. And in typical low budget Euro-trash ways people kind of stand around and let themselves get eaten; assuming screaming is a better defense than beating the crap out of somebody or just running like Hell. Anyway, there is an interesting change of positions as the living dead girl begins to feel guilty about killing folks but the living real estate agent seems to start to enjoy it, could’ve been an interesting angle to explore. I understand some cats really dig this stuff, I guess I also sort of understand why to be honest, but I just generally don’t dig it all that much. I’ll give it a C-.
London After Midnight (1927)- OK, I didn't really see "London After Midnight". The last known copy of the film was destroyed in a fire in the 1960s so, unless another turns up, it will never be seen again. What I did see was a Turner Classic Movie restoration project that used stills taken during the filming and inserted dialogue cards and music attempting to give the 'feel' you were watching the movie. This was a pretty influential murder mystery that just might involve vampires. Tod Browning wrote and directed and Lon Cheney starred and again, Cheney created his own makeup and again, it works really well, the guy was a genius. It was one of 10 films the director and actor made together and it was their highest grossing. It is the reason Universal chose Browning to direct "Dracula" and Browning chose Lon Cheney to play the part. Bela Lugosi's fate, and the vampire image was set, when Lon Cheney died before filming began. (Imagine how different our image of Dracula would be now had Lon Cheney lived long enough to play the part. Everything from the movements to the accent is set in stone and is a credit to the indelible image Lugosi left us, but what would Cheney have done?) The TCM treatment was nice but for completists only. A.
Long Hair of Death, The (1964)- In a plot that closely mirrors "Black Sunday", Barbara Steele's mother is executed for a murder she didn't commit (and for witchcraft), then Steele is killed for knowing the truth. Before her death her mother cursed the family that sentenced her. Barbara's sister, who was young at the time, grows up and is forced to marry the son of the man who sentenced her mother to death. Barb's family then gets their revenge. Although very slow moving and not terribly original there are still some effective scenes and atmospheric directing. By no means a masterpiece, it still is a decent enough ghost/witch story. C+.
Lost Boys, The (1987)- OK, I am biased on this one and know it is impossible for me to look at it with a fresh set of eyes. This flick came out just before my senior year of high school and I was in a professional ‘cover’ band at the time. So I was THE target audience for this campy, hip, horror movie with the rock and roll soundtrack. A lady and her two kids move to a small California coastal town to live with her dad after her divorce. Through his love of comic books the younger kid starts hanging out with the ‘Frogs’ and realizes the town is full of vampires, and his brother may be becoming one of them. It’s a goofy campy horror comedy that mostly works. It was originally meant to be targeted at younger kids like "The Goonies" but Schumaker the director wanted to aim a little higher and it worked out for him and the movie. If I was seeing this movie for the first time now would I like it? It is impossible for me to really say so keep that in mind as I give this a very strong A.
Lost Boys: The Tribe, The (2008)- "The Lost Boys" was kind of one of those lightning in a jar movies and I think that reflects in this sequel as they try, and fail, to recapture that moment. Many of the visuals are the same, more gore this time out but for the most part I think this movie was aimed at the same audience the first one was aimed at, and by the same I mean EXACTLY the same. People my age who saw the "The Lost Boys" when they were teenagers and want to relive some of that. In that respect it falls flat. The plot? A brother and sister move to the small town in Cali after the death of their parents, one is an ex-famous-surfer and the surf boys in the town want to hang out with him, and his sister. The locals are of course vampires. Enter one of the Frog brothers from part one. Pretty much the same movie and the DVD sleeve even called it a ‘reimagining’ of the original. Everything just falls flat as the director seems like he is just collecting his paycheck and riding on the original’s coat tails and the acting is terrible. I’ll give it a D because it wasn’t a total waste of time (the intro with Tom Savini was cool) but don’t expect too much.
Lost Highway (1997)- David Lynch’s look at... um, schizophrenia, multiple personalities, transmigration... etc. As should be expected I’m not too sure what this one is all about or what it means. If you’re looking for logical narrative you need to look elsewhere but if you want a spellbinding flick that doesn’t make any sense then this is for you. A musician and his wife keep getting videos of someone taping their house, and they become concerned when the latest video shows them in their bedroom as they sleep. And who is Andy to the musician’s wife, and the pale guy, who is he? And did the musician kill his wife, and how did he trade bodies with the mechanic who works for the gangster and is running away with the gangster’s girlfriend who may or may not be the musician’s wife. Shew, if you’re up for a ride that basically amounts to a nightmare with no logical structure then this is great, if you don’t like these movies then stay away. I’ll give this a solid A-, too many distracting cameos and a few spots of bad acting but over all a compelling piece of work.
M (1931)- Fritz Lang classic with a young Peter Lorre as a serial killer who preys on children. Lang sets a tone that would be mirrored to this day in serial killer movies like "Se7en". The press is having a field day and the police are at a loss. Eight children have disappeared and the killer is teasing everyone with letters to the police and the press. Finally the police crack down on everyone, which begins to cut in on the profits of organized crime. The criminals decide to do something about it so they pool their resources and start tracking the killer on their own. Lang's attention to detail is amazing and his ability to invoke an emotional response with his use of camera and sound is second to none. He lets us know the horror of the crimes by showing a balloon float away and an empty spot at the dinner table. Lang was light years ahead of his contemporaries and understood that film was in fact a new media, not just a way to film a stage play. A+.
Mad Love (1935)- "Masterpiece" may be an over statement but I think this comes close. First what keeps it from being a masterpiece? The dated humor. Why were directors so compelled to try and add humor to their movies back then? It just doesn't hold up. So what works? Pretty much everything else. Peter Lorre plays a genius doctor who cures people with physical ailments for little or no money. He is a compassionate doctor who rose from poverty to the heights of his profession. Yet he can't seem to find love and becomes obsessed with an actress who he later finds out is married. Her husband is a great pianist who is involved in a train derailment and must have his hands amputated, but the good doctor saves them by transplanting the hands of a murderer on him. Now maybe he can drive the actress and her husband apart. Lorre plays his part with his usual subtle flair and then slowly slips into total madness near the end. A great performance and also great use of the camera and the black and white photography. The end was somewhat of a let down though. Get passed the dated humor and the predictable ending and you have A+ material.
Mad Monster, The (1942)- Old school werewolf flick, tedious at best. George Zucco is a mad, and by mad I mean angry and insane, scientist who has been laughed out of the scientific community, but he’ll have his revenge, indeed he will. He has perfected a formula that turns an ordinary "Lenny" into a werewolf that looks more like an ape, and kills people at random. He then goes about exacting his revenge on those that laughed at him. This flick more or less follows the Frankenstein formula right down to the murder of a little girl. It’s slow moving, predictable, and unoriginal. Not really fun for the MST3K treatment either but I’ll give it a D because Zucco’s character is just over the top enough to make it almost fun.
Mad Monster Party (1967)- Rankin and Bass made a lot of classic Christmas stop-motion cartoons like ‘A Year Without Santa Clause’, ‘Rudolph’ etc. And here they played their hand at a feature length Halloween show with all the monsters, Frankenstein (and his monster and the bride of the monster), Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, The Creature (from the Black Lagoon), Dr. Jekyll, The Hunchback, various zombies etc. all in a cartoon about Dr. Frankenstein, who heads up the monster union, getting ready to retire and hand over the leadership role to his less than capable nephew. It’s not a bad try, some parts are good and I’m sure had I saw this when I was young I probably would’ve dug it, but seeing it for the first time now it felt kind of poorly edited (setup-bad pun- fade to next shot), the voices (other than Karloff’s of course) were bad (why does Dracula at times sound like Mel Brooks?) and the songs just didn’t seem to quite fit either. I was a little disappointed, being a fan of their Christmas shows, but I am admittedly not exactly the target audience. C+
Madhouse (1974)- Vincent Price is an actor famous for his horror movies, in real life and in Madhouse. In Madhouse his fiancé is found decapitated and while most believe Price did it, it can't be proven, and Price's character doesn't remember the event at all and slips into insanity. Years later he is asked to make a come back playing a character from one of his movies in a TV series. He reluctantly agrees and murders again begin to follow him. This is a nicely paced piece with fine performances from Price and Peter Cushing. The murder mystery is carried off nicely and the ending is satisfying, although the murderer sure took the hard way to try and accomplish his goal. Also, just to throw this out there, the murder of Price's fiancé is actually never solved in the movie. Nice touch. A.
Madman (1982)- Seriously, what can I say, just watch "Friday the 13th". Bad acting, bad dialogue, rotten premise, and terrible soundtrack. If this film had been made in 1975 it might have been cutting edge, but by 1982 it was too late, and the fact that it looks (and sounds) like it was made in 1975 doesn’t help! Basically a kid at camp is missing, someone goes to look and doesn’t come back so someone else goes to look and doesn’t come back so someone else goes to look and doesn’t come back on and on it goes. Could it be the legend of Madman Martz? Who cares? F, although semi fun to rip on, not craptacular enough.
Man From Planet X, The (1959)- An alien ship lands in the moors of Scotland and, through mind control, enslaves some of the locals to help prepare the earth for an alien invasion. The effects are dated but over all the plot, while not terribly original, is still good. This is over all a decent enough 50s sci-fi flick until the end which is incredibly dumb. These aliens seriously need some better plans and they need to stop underestimating us. C+
Man in the Attic, The (1953)- Here in America we’ve had so many serial killers they’re almost a dime a dozen, but the Brits really just have Jack the Ripper, or so it would seem. Here is another Jack the Ripper flick. In this one a guy without an English accent (technically English people aren’t the ones with accents) moves into a room of a family who need a little financial help. He’s a weird pathologist who does blood experiments in the attic of the house. The family’s niece happens to be a dancer bringing her dance troop back from France for some performances. The performances are horrendous but folks seem to really like them so there’s no accounting for taste and besides London is tense with the Ripper killings taking place so they need some relief no matter how crappy. But this guy staying in the attic, he sure is a strange one, could he be the Ripper? Dated feeling despite not really being that old, with performances by Jack Palance and Aunt Bee! Basically just old school 2nd feature time waster, not horribly done, nothing to write home about either, C.
Man Who Knew Too Much, The (1934)- These early Hitch flicks are harder than hell to follow! This is basically the same plot as his later remake; a vacationing couple witnesses an assassination, receive some information about a possible future assassination, and have their child kidnapped because of this information. Things seem to get quickly out of hand and the main character just isn’t believable as the frightened father willing to do almost anything to save his child. There are flashes of directorial brilliance to be sure, especially as the climax builds, but unless you’re a hardcore Hitch fan, stick with the remake! C-.
Man Who Knew Too Much, The (1956)- I know what you’re thinking. A movie with Doris Day is on my horror site. I’ve said it before, I know Hitch isn’t really horror but I’m a fan and it’s my site. Anyway Doris and Jimmy Stewart are on vacation with their young son in Morocco when they fall into a little political intrigue by accident. When a mysterious man whispers a secret to Jimmy their son gets kidnapped for insurance against Jimmy telling the secret. Many of Hitch’s favorite themes then play out, normal man in a bad, almost helpless situation, inept police, and being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And, as usual, it all works really well. Hitch was the master, and although this may not be considered one of his best, fans of his will appreciate it. B+.
Man With two Lives (1942)- I liked this one better when it was called "Black Friday". A super nice guy from a super nice wealthy family works for a super nice doctor who is working on bringing people back to life. He is engaged to a super nice smart girl too. The night of the engagement party he is driving home for what seems like a long time and then crashes his car, oddly he is still right in front of the house he just left. Still, he is dead now. Can the doctor bring him back to life? Yes, of course there is the problem of soul transmigration and it so happens a ruthless gangster is being executed at the exact time the super nice doctor’s assistant is revived. Alas, he now has the ruthless gangster’s personality because apparently memories are stored in the soul not the body. This one tries pretty hard but you get the idea everyone is just going through the motions in this cheap time filler. Still, there are some interesting moments like when the detective confronts the rich guy at his own house, knowing he is the one now leading the gang. PLOT SPOILER: This has one of those ‘and then I woke up’ endings that totally ruined anything that came before anyway so even if I sort of liked the flick the end ruined it all. I’ll give it an F because of that.
Maniac (1934)- Apparently the director of this movie was a real estate agent in Hollywood. He came upon this house that was full of movie making gear so naturally he made some movies. I don't remember his name but you'll find it in the annuls of film history along side other great directors like oh I don't know, Ed Wood. The movie is called "Maniac" but it should be called "Maniacs" because everyone in this show is insane. The mad scientist finds a way to reanimate corpses so he naturally wants to kill his assistant and then revive him. His assistant isn't too much into the idea so he kills the scientist instead and bricks him up in the wall like E Poe's "The Black Cat". Then he dresses up like him and shoots a crazy guy up with drugs that make him crazier and he goes out on a rampage (complete with a pre-code brief nude scene). Somewhere in here the neighbor explains why he breeds so many cats. It has something to do with cat fur and rats. Anyway the cops are looking for the scientist's assistant but don't realize that he is just dressed up as the scientist. They run a scheme to make him think he's inherited some money and then his wife shows up. Somewhere in there one of the neighbor's cats is killed and its eyeball popped out and eaten. Yup, it's a pre-code horror flick. If you're looking for old school insanity you're not going to get any better than this. If you're not then stay away. B+.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)- A couple and their young daughter head out on the road for a vacation. They drive, and drive, get lost, drive some more, until finally they come to a ranch in the desert. Torgo, the caretaker, answers the door and flatly denies the family the right to stay on the property. The wife agrees and tells the husband they should just move on. The husband refuses to listen to either and all but insists Torgo let them stay. Torgo relents, despite his knowing The Master will not be pleased. Torgo, totes the families bags in, despite his desire they not stay there and despite an incredibly odd deformity that causes him to walk strangely and slowly. Once inside after some talk about The Master being dead, but not dead, and seeing some Satanic looking paintings of The Master and his Doberman the couple decide maybe it would be best if they did leave, but after much deliberation they again decide to stay. Things begin to go bad when their daughter’s dog is killed by a wild animal in the desert and Torgo comes onto the wife, so the couple again decide to leave, but this time the car won’t start so they decide to stay. The husband, while looking for Torgo gets knocked unconscious and I'm getting confused. The Master, who is lying on slab in the desert and is surrounded by his many comatose wives who stand against poles, wakes from his death/sleep. He says some incantations, his wives awake and bicker about killing the child and then an all out fight between The Master’s wives breaks out and continues for roughly 15 minutes. Meanwhile the husband comes to and heads back to the house. The couple decides again to leave, this time on foot. After traveling roughly 100 yards or so the wife collapses as she is too tired so the couple decide not to leave and head back to the house. As they head back Torgo is sacrificed by The Master’s wives (they execute him by pushing him around) for letting the people stay and for making advances on them while they are comatose. Meanwhile The Master is waiting back at the house for the couple and now they must become his caretaker and wives. My oh my. I have no idea what to grade this. This could possibly the greatest worst movie ever made. I don’t doubt there are worse Camcorder Coppola productions but as far as a movie that was made for wide release and actually had a big premier party, this has to simply be the worst thing ever made. Complete and total ineptitude in every aspect of filmmaking. Directing, acting, sound, lighting, writing, cinematography, editing, you name it, they messed it up. Plus the soundtrack, Jesus, it sounds like Coltrane’s band on a very VERY off night. For reference, Manos translates as hands so the title of this movie is "Hands: Hands of Fate". I don’t know what to grade this. Is an F on the craptacular scale even possible? For completists who love terrible, terrible stuff only.
Mark of the Vampire (1935)- Bela Lugosi returns to play a vampire for the first time since 1931's Dracula in this classic MGM flick. Tod Browning wrote and directed this murder mystery which is basically a remake of his silent "London After Midnight". Lugosi plays Count Mora with Carroll Borland as his daughter Luna. A police inspector refuses to believe vampires are to blame for a recent murder, but a professor believes otherwise, or does he? This is a classic movie with great atmosphere from the foggy graveyard to the terrifying castle (what was it with Browning and possums as rats?) this movie works on many levels. The ending is a let down but everything else works great. A+
Manster, The (1959)-Classic piece of low budget nonsense! Basically ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’ with two heads! A reporter is on the verge of heading home to his wife. He’s been on the road covering ‘wars and revolutions’ for years and is ready to get off the beat. One last story gets him involved with a mad Japanese scientist who injects him with a formula that has something to do with evolution. Didn’t quite get the connection there but soon the guy discovers the fun-side of Japan, mainly geisha girls and Saki. He also notices his shoulder hurts and he’s given to fits of rage. Soon the shoulder gets worse, an eye grows out, and the next thing you know he has two heads and loves killing folks. What else can the scientist do but inject him with another dose and hope his two personalities split apart into two people! This thing is just insane, low budget, double feature fun. Despite some really bad effects and mail me my check acting the over all look of the flick isn’t that bad, and the title alone bumps it a grade or two on the craptacular scale! I’ll give it an A of the craptacular.
Marebito (2004)- Very strange flick about a cameraman who films a man commit suicide and then becomes obsessed with finding out what caused the man so much fear that he would take his own life. He ventures into underground Tokyo (or his subconscious) to look for something that would be so terrifying and lands in a Lovecraftian realm and winds up bringing home a girl who he finds chained up. She is not human and craves blood. The man receives warnings and slowly tries to drive himself insane, or maybe he is already insane. This could’ve been a great flick but I just kept getting the ‘look how smart I am’ vibe from the directing. Just too artsy, and I like artsy sometimes, but this thing just felt like a mess to me. I wanted to like it, I really did, and I stuck through until the end as I was hoping for some twist, but nothing really happened. I hate to give this a low grade, maybe it is your thing, but I have to give this a D.
Marnie (1964)- This film seems too long and a little too ‘talky’ to me but then if it was reedited what part would be cut out? Hitch never wasted a shot so each scene and each conversation leads to a deeper understanding of each character as they develop. And this film has great character development and is of course incredibly well directed. Hitch’s camera angles and blocking and his ability to tell the story through these techniques is nothing short of genius. The plot? Marnie is a thief and a con artist who happens to be deathly afraid of thunderstorms and the color red. She wants nothing more than to impress her frigid mother so she steals in order to buy her things. She is finally caught by her current boss, who gives her a choice, marry him or be turned in to the law. Marnie’s clepto ways and her sordid past can’t easily be erased though and Hitch takes us along for the ride. B+.
Martin (1977)- Martin is a vampire, or a twisted serial killer from a twisted family. He has gone to stay with his cousin, who is curiously older than him (Martin looks to be around 18 or 19 but claims to be 84) and who is a very religious man who plans on saving Martin’s soul, and destroying his body constantly referring to him as "Nosferatu". From the beginning there is no doubt Martin is a killer who drinks blood, but he uses sedatives and razor blades to get his victims, no fangs, no hypnotizing eyes. He’s also frustrated at what Hollywood has done to the vampire. Garlic, crucifixes, holy water, this magic simply doesn’t work in real life according to Martin on one of his late night calls to talk radio (and he proves it to his religious cousin as well). Romero does to the vampire mythos what he did to the zombie mythos, breaks all the rules and severs all ties to the past (just as Romero’s flesh craving zombie hordes had little to nothing in common with the voodoo witchdoctor created zombies of the past, Martin is about as far from the Dracula stereotype vampire as you can get). While throwing away the past Romero examines the generation gap, old vs. new, magic vs. science, superstition vs. reality, old ideas in a new world, and tosses in objectification of women and relationships to boot. And it works pretty well. Yeah, it is very low budget and has a very 1970s look so in that regard it may not hold up well, and if you’re expecting lots of blood and guts a la his zombie films you will be disappointed. This is a subtle, slowly paced psychological thriller about a serial killer/vampire (we never truly know which it is) as he tries to deal with life and acceptance (or the lack there of). A strong A.
Masque of the Red Death (1964)- Roger Corman took Poe's "Masque of the Red Death" and mixed it up with "Hop Frog", added in some of his own elements and ideas and wound up with this colorful movie. A very well acted and interestingly directed movie about a sadistic prince who worships Satan and hides out in his castle with a large group of invited guests while a plague ravages the countryside. Corman's interesting use of color (which comes from the name of the story and the plot but is used well visually in this adaptation) along with some great acting by everyone, especially Price who revels in the role of a terribly evil person, make this worth a view. It often mirrors in both feel and subject matter Igmar Bergman's "Seventh Seal". B+.
Maximum Overdrive (1986)- I think this is simply the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't even rip on it it was so bad. "No, don't go back out there and get that "insert reason for going outside" because that truck will kill you...oops". Who's idea was this... Oh yeah, Stephen King. F
Maze, The (1953)- Strong ghost/mystery tale about a man who suddenly inherits his uncle’s castle, moves to it and mysteriously cuts off his engagement. His bride to be won’t be left hanging high and dry and, against pretty much everyone’s wishes visits the castle with her aunt and then all but refuses to leave. Even inviting friends to come by (to see why her ex-fiancée is acting, and looking, so strange). Just as they are about to have the man committed the mystery is revealed and, well, it kind of tanks right there to put it mildly. If you like these old haunted castle type of black and white movies in the vein of ‘The Innocents’ and ‘The Haunting’ then you will probably like the first 70 minutes of this 80 minute flick, but that last 10 minutes, damn. I’ll give it a forgiving A-, I really hated that ending and it ruined it really, but until then the sets themselves bump the grade up.
Mazes and Monster (1982)- I shouldn’t really count this as a horror movie but I caught it on Chiller the other night and I remembered it from back when I was 12 or so so I caught it for old times sake, and boy am I glad I did. This movie is a must see, a must see for the lovers of the Craptacular that is. I tried D&D a time or two but never really got into it but I had some friends who were pretty hugely into it, but none of them like these people. Anyway, the plot is about 4 college kids who are rich as hell and instead of getting into murder or theft like most rich-as-hell-bored-college-kids they get into the role playing game Mazes and Monsters. One of them, Robbie, goes off the deep end and starts blurring the lines between fact and fantasy to hilarious results. The acting is terrible but I blame the writers and director for this debacle, as the actors obviously had nothing to work with. Lines like "I’m like Mr. Spock", "No you’re more like the Tin Man." I half expected the kids to say "Golly gee Beav, what’d you go and do that for?" None of what is going on really makes any sense at all, like why the cops blame the game in the first place, didn’t they think thousands of kids play the game and only one is missing, how could that lead you to conclude the game made him disappear, and why does the detective just instantly assume he’s dead? And why do the kids lie to the cops about playing the game, was it illegal? I was completely confused, and also half asleep as we spend what seemed like hours walking in the caves yelling, "Daniel, I’m lost". Jesus Christ, if you’re in the mood for total 80s misplaced fear-mongering crap then you have to catch this one! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)- Why even bother? The slasher cycle created some good flicks, and some bad ones, this is a bad one! A developer opens a ‘park’ in some pristine woods and disaster after disaster strikes, including someone killing off the campers, who for the most part deserve to die. This flick is obviously not taking itself too seriously most of the time, but it does try and convey some odd environmental message, which gets lost in the terrible subplot of the great Green Beret tracker looking for his long lost son! Still, it is pretty fun to rip on (why do they always say things like “We need to all stick together” just before someone goes off alone to do something). So I’ll give it a B on the craptacular scale.
Mephisto Waltz, The (1971)- I really hate it when people use the word ‘boring’ to describe a movie as I’m not sure exactly what that means. Some people get easily bored if they have to sit for 90+ minutes watching a movie so are they just bored. Anyway, this movie was boring. There just didn’t seem to be much going on; a music journalist goes to interview a famous pianist. The two seem to become friends and some pretty obvious decadence comes to the surface during a New Year’s Eve Party. Are the rich freaks worshipping Satan? And what exactly do they want from this mediocre writer and his wife? The acting is good, the directing pretty dated though. It just feels like it is trying to be ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ without the pregnant lady, but it lacks the suspense to pull it off. File under ‘Typical 70s Satan-Worshipping-Hysteria’. C-.
Messengers, The (2007)- I want so bad to give this flick an A+. Great acting, great directing great story. A family with a young boy and teenage daughter move from Chicago to the sticks of North Dakota to try and save the family and grow sunflowers on a small farm. The farmhouse has a secret though, one it doesn’t intend to keep. So why not give it an A+, the story works, the effects are good, the film is suspenseful without always resorting to the "BOO!" technique? Well, I have to dock it in the originality department. You’ll sit there feeling like you’ve seen it before. Throw in equal parts "Amityville Horror", "The Shining", "Poltergeist", and "The Grudge", then throw in a small dash of "The Birds" and you pretty much have this flick. So I’d give it an A-... But... Then there’s the Lifetime Movie Network Made For TV Ending. I’m not sure how it should end but I know it shouldn’t be like this. I saw this at the theatre and as of this review the DVD is not out yet but I bet it contains alternate endings. So my final grade is a strong B.
Messiah of Evil (1972): I read that this was a good zombie movie in the vein of "Night of the Living Dead" but more subtle. That sounds pretty awesome. Not sure who wrote that review but I have to disagree with them. The plot? A lady is worried because she hasn't heard from her dad in quite awhile so she heads to the town were he lives to investigate. She runs into weirdness from the get go and things just get weirder. Lots of talk and attempts at good writing follow. Boring stuff! Yeah, there are a couple cool shots, like near the beginning when the lady is gassing up just outside of town. The other guy gassing up obviously has something to hide! There's a cool scene in the grocery store where a pack of zombies is horded around the meat counter munching and near the end the zombies start dropping through a skylight. But those scenes are few and far between. It's all rounded out with a good dose of bad acting. D.
Metamorphoses (1980)- Cheap ain't the word. This baby is low budget, but that's OK... Sometimes. Here? Well... A research scientist is using funds from a private university on research and no one knows what he's spending his money on. The board wants to know and wants his books. First he must finish his experiment so to hurry up the process he, naturally, experiments on himself. His experiment is on DNA and how to regenerate cells, essentially stopping the aging process and making people immortal. Said plan backfires in a terrible way. Yeah, his cells regenerate but they also mutate, problem is they mutate to a primitive life form, a monster! This movie actually predates "Altered States" and the remake of "The Fly" but the plot is essentially the same here, and many other sci-fi movies that predate this one. It's typical 80s pap complete with over indulgent sex scene. The acting isn't too good, the directing is bad, the plot doesn't make a lot of sense and the ending is hilarious. Still, having said all that I didn't actually HATE this flick. D+.
Metropolis (1927)- Fritz Lang was one of the first directors to realize film was an entirely new medium, not just something to be used to film stage plays. Metropolis is set in the future, a future not unlike that of Orwell’s "1984" or Huxley’s "Brave New World", except Metropolis predated both of those novels. Workers live under the city, manning their machines and living a meager existence, while the powerful live in penthouses built on the backs’ of the workers. When an inventor shows the leader he has made a robot that could replace all the workers, schemes follow and revolution may be at hand. This movie was so far ahead of its time that it is hard to imagine it was made in 1927 (except for the fact the film looks that old and it is silent). It is a masterpiece in every sense of the word and has been copied, imitated, and ripped off for 80 years. It is long for a silent movie and if you don’t dig them you may not dig this one, otherwise I highly recommend it. A+.
Mirrors (2008)- This starts out as a pretty exciting and atmospheric horror flick, complete with the gore. A cop who accidentally killed another cop and is trying to get his life back together starts working as a night watchman at a burned out old department store. The mirrors in this old building start freaking him out and he puts together the story of the guy he replaced, who recently committed suicide. The effects and the suspense works really well here. We are in for a ride as everyone begins thinking that the cop my be more than just depressed, but totally insane. He’s driven to find out the truth and finds out there was an insane asylum located where the store is and all of a sudden things start to get kind of dumb. The dialogue starts breaking down and the plot just starts feeling silly as we get more and more over the top until we get to the end which makes little sense and all the more subtle suspense and scares become action adventure explosions with monsters. I’d give the first half an A and the 2nd half D which averages to about a B-, which may be kind.
Mr. Sardonicus (1961)- This is a William castle movie, and the hokey beginning would lead you to think you are headed down more or less, hokey William Castle road. But that ends up being a false impression. No campy gimmicks, no false "So scary people fainted" stuff (not that those are bad things), instead we have a more or less subtle gothic horror movie about a poor man who must dig up his father’s fresh grave to get a winning lottery ticket. He becomes incredibly wealthy, but also pays the price of having his face frozen in a horrifying ‘death grin’. His new wife’s ex-boyfriend happens to be a genius surgeon who just might be able to fix up his face. Sardonicus’ butler is a sadistic nutjob channeling his best Bela Lugosi and the rest of the cast is almost perfect as well. This is a classic, slow paced and anti-climactic by today’s horror movie standards to be sure but if you like these gothic period pieces you will like this one. B+
Monkey Shines (1988)- I should start by saying I hate monkeys. Some people hate snakes, some spiders, whatever, but I hate monkeys! Anyway, Romero and a big studio, not always a great mix! Still, this flick is pretty good, depending on how much empathy you can muster for the protagonist. A college track star is hit by a truck during an early morning workout and is paralyzed. His life begins to fall apart until a close friend of his, who is experimenting on injecting monkeys with human brain cells, gives him a monkey to do his daily basic daily tasks. The monkey is trained (under false pretenses as she doesn’t know about the brain cell injections) by a lady who winds up falling for the quadriplegic. Toss in an arrogant doctor who might have missed the actual cause of the paralysis, an ex-girlfriend who left due to the paralysis (and is now dating the doctor), an over-protective mother, an under-protective nurse, and a monkey that is capable of basic human emotion and reasoning and ESP and you have chaos! If you’re looking for raw Romero like ‘Night of the Living Dead’ or gore Romero (and Savini) like ‘Day of the Dead’ then you will be disappointed. None of that is there, and while the characters remain pretty shallow and there is nothing great about this one, I liked it OK. I’ll give it a B since I hate monkeys anyway and the monkey was a great actor!
Monster House (2006)- This is a great little animated feature in the vein of "The Goonies" and "Gremlins". Yeah it's for the early teen set but that's OK. A grumpy old man is always taking everything that lands on his yard and yelling at kids to stay off his lawn. While yelling at the neighbor boy he has an apparent heart attack and is taken away by ambulance. Now the kids must face the fact that just maybe his ghost has returned to haunt them and make sure they never go on his lawn. Great animation, great plot, all around good little piece of work. A.
Monster Maker, The (1944)- Obviously low budget yet fairly original tale about a mad scientist who is an expert in the field of glandular disorders. He has the power to both inflict and cure a particular rare disease, and he uses this power to try and blackmail a famous pianist into making his daughter marry the scientist. We also learn that this may not be the first time he’s used the disease, and he may or may not even be who he claims to be. Yeah, it’s a little far fetched and silly at times (what is it with gorillas in some of these old school flicks?) but it still works as a low budget old school poverty row entry. All things considered I’ll give it a B-.
Monster That Challenged the World, The (1957)- That name is pretty much the definition of hyperbole. An accurate title would be “The Monsters That Killed 5 or 6 People and Were Then Blown Up in a Pond”. But that would maybe give too much away; I hope I didn’t ruin anything for you. This one follows the formula to a T: Monster kills sailors. Odd evidence is found. Researchers witness the monster. Monster kills civilians. Researchers figure out what monster is. Researchers share old school film of what the monster is. A plan to capture the monster(s) is hatched. It goes slightly awry. Plan is tweaked. Plan works. Someone messed up back at the lab and there is one more monster. That monster is killed. Throughout the whole thing the commander might be falling in love with a secretary. A- on the craptacular scale.
Monster Walks, The (1932)- Here we have yet another take on "The Cat and the Canary". An old rich guy dies; his daughter and her fiancé come back for the reading of the will. The oddball uncle who is an invalid is there as is the housekeeper and her son. Toss in the lawyer and the daughter’s shiftless chauffer (whose ‘real’ name in the opening credits is "Sleep’n’Eat" in a hilarious racist jab at those lazy darkies... seriously man the racism in this one is inexcusable, maybe Hollywood is so full of bleeding heart lefties now because back then it was so full of racist assholes they are trying to make up for it). Anyway, fear ensues as someone is trying to kill of the daughter and red herrings flop around. This is terrible stuff but a must see for the lovers of terrible stuff because the acting and editing and directing are just so bad. This movie is only 60 minutes long but could easily be trimmed down to 30 without cutting anything out at all except people walking around. Toss in the painfully dated racism and you got total crap. An A on the craptacular scale.
Moon of the Wolf (1972)- Made for TV flick from 1972, you know this is hilarious right? Well hold on a minute. A local girl is found dead near a swamp, the locals assume it was a pack of feral dogs but the doctor knows better, as does the gals half-crazy old man. Someone punched the gal before she died. Soap opera calisthenics fill in the next 30 minutes or so as we try and find out what was going on in that small town, not to mention the weird dynamics between rich and poor! And exactly how many of them are left handed, or not left handed. But in the end we wind up with a not-so-bad werewolf flick. Does it measure up to big budget big theatre fair, no, not at all. But if you remember those made for TV flicks that would show up around Halloween and want a little flash back then this is for you. It won’t scare the tykes either as even when the werewolf finally shows up at the very end, the makeup is so bad it doesn’t matter! Still, as far as this stuff goes this one is pretty good, I’ll give it a strong B+ keeping in mind what it is.
Motel Hell (1980)- Black comedy about a motel owner who’s motel business ain’t all that great but his smoked pork business is booming. He has super secret smoking techniques, plus a very special secret ingredient he gets from his farm. You can guess pretty quickly that the ingredient is ‘people’, but how he harvests them is the interesting part! An uncomfortable love triangle may be his undoing though. Weird, but its supposed to be weird. It is a tough one to grade, it is really just a very odd twist on ‘Sweeny Todd’, it is done well enough too. I think I’ll give it a B, worth a viewing if you like weird and dark comedy horrors.
Mother of Tears (2007)- The long wait for the third in Argento’s Three Mothers trilogy finally brought us the Mother of Tears, and I can’t help but feel Argento totally sold us out on this one. The other two (Suspiria and Inferno), while not the masterpieces some would have you believe in my opinion, were at least stylish, with the use of color, camera angle, and light and dark and wild swings from over the top violence to subtle details. This one throws all that away to give us gore, tit shots, and silly plot and goofy special effects, all wrapped up with a mess of bad acting. The plot? An urn is discovered outside of Rome, it contains what will be needed to return the third mother to power, witches begin to descend on Rome and chaos ensues. A woman who’s mother fought the first mother has powers to see ghosts, but is a rationalist and must be convinced of her powers by a lesbian and some guy who is apparently an alchemist. Whatever. If you like stylish Euro- horror check out "Suspiria" and "Inferno", leave this one alone. F.
Mother’s Day (1980)- Formulaic slasher/revenge flick (more revenge than slasher though as there is a low body count) about 3 women who were college roommates back in the day and now go out together once a year for an adventure. This year’s adventure has them camping near a lake in the boonies, little do they know an insanely dysfunctional and depraved family lives in those same woods. The women are kidnapped by the family (a mother and her two sons) and are brutalized by them. There is nothing original about this one, but to be fair it isn’t bad. It is campy at the right times (and also sometimes funny when I think it wasn’t supposed to be) but it also delivers some intense suspenseful scenes as well. It is well acted and directed (considering budget constraints) and even manages to pull in some social commentary along the way. (The mother is raising her sons according to what she has learned on the TV, which is on in the house continually, and they brag about being ‘citified’ with pop culture references everywhere and graffiti on the walls of the house.) An odd subplot has the mother training the boys to protect her from her (even more) insane sister who lives in the woods, which leads to an ending you can see coming for miles. Still, all things considered, this ain’t a bad entry in the 80s slasher/revenge type subgenre and if you like that era and don’t mind a low budget then... B+.
Mulberry Street (2006)- Part of After Dark Films 2007 HorrorFest here we have a "28 Days Later" clone, and that ain’t a bad thing. Obviously low budget and filmed on the move this is an intense ride through Manhattan as a virus spread by unusually aggressive rats turns people into murdering cannibalistic rat people. We follow the tenants of an apartment building (and one of the tenant’s daughter who is trying to get home after being wounded in Iraq) which is about to be torn down for redevelopment ("The neighborhood is changing" we’re not so subtly told) as they battle the plague and do their best to stick together and look out for each other in the face of impossible odds. Yeah, it is basically "28 Days Later" only instead of ‘later’ it follows the outbreak and spread but get past a little plot unoriginality and you get a great and intense flick. The acting is great, the look of the film is perfect (dark, grainy, and jarring, if you don’t like this sort of cinematography then stay away from this one!), and the characters are believable, well rounded and developed. Plus you kind of get the feeling that this is more or less how folks would probably actually react to such circumstances. A strong A.
Mummy, The (1932)- Karloff again becomes a monster, but this time a much less sympathetic, yet more human looking monster. Ironic. Great makeup and sets and a very well acted and directed movie. Influenced by German Expressionism the look is great and Karloff plays his character with great evil restraint. The story is basically the same one used later by Hammer and still again later by Universal in their big budget remake. An ancient Egyptian priest is busted trying to resurrect his princess lover from the dead and is cursed to spend eternity guarding her tomb. Jump ahead to the 20th Century and Egyptian exploration and oops, the Mummy is back. As luck would have it, his lover from way back in the day has been reincarnated again and he must again have her, this time for eternity. Yeah, it's basically Dracula from Egypt rather than Transylvania, but it still works really well. A+.
Mummy, The (1959)- In the late 50s Hammer was making a name for itself redoing Universal Monster movies from the 30s. They weren't just re-filming them though they were rewriting them as well. After a pretty creative take on Dracula and a very creative remake of Frankenstein they tackled The Mummy. Christopher Lee was again the monster and Peter Cushing again the hero, and despite this it didn't feel formulaic. The indoor sets and the color of these early Hammer films is second to none (the 'outdoor' sets leave a little to be desired except maybe the swamp scene) and again the story is very creative. An Egyptian priest is having an affair with a princess; when she dies during a journey he ignores protocol and has her buried where she died rather than where she reigned. He is then caught attempting to revive her and is sentenced to be buried